Happy Holidays

Boy these holidays went by quick. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, and tomorrow is New Year's Eve. I didn't even get to mail out holiday cards this year. It just didn't feel right for some reason.

Update on me, I'm doing great. After a bad October, I am now walking without a cane again. I still get nervous. It just happened so randomly. I'm afraid to move sometimes because I'm afraid it'll come back.

I had a severe case of allergies recently. I was dripping incessantly and my nose was raw from too much blowing. Not that kind of blowing!

Jean-Luc is doing great. He's such a loving cat. I've never had a cat as loveable as him. When guests come over, he runs up and greets them and purrs and prances all over.

I was naughty this holiday. Tony introduced me to a dating app for gay men. Wow, there are some hot men out there. I've actually gone on several dates that led elsewhere :-) Yes I'm playing safe. I just had no idea I was that flexible. I feel young and invigorated. I've been out of the loop for about 10 years, so I figure I'm due for some fun.

One thing with these guys, they're in such great shape and I'm not. I'm shapeless. I lost all that weight then gained 20 lbs. and I'm just not happy with how I look. I've decided to get back on the wagon and lose some more weight. I went to the store today and got salad fixings. I think that's what caused my weight loss in the first place.

I want to get back to the gym. I have free membership with Humana. I'm just afraid I'm gonna break down again. That was so not fun. I hated being homebound and walking with a cane, and a quad cane at that.

I have to face that fear. I also want to get back in the pool. I've lost weight before thanks to the pool and I'm hoping to get that going again. I have a doctor's prescription so I'll be able to do it for free. I just have to schlep to the Natatorium which is across from my old high school. Memories.

New Year's is always a bummer for me. My sister would have been 75 next year. I used to spend it with her and I'd buy the cheap champagne she loved and we'd drink it at midnight. If I wasn't able to visit, I would always call at midnight to wish her a happy birthday. I have that to deal with again.

I guess that's it for the year. I hope nothing but the best for everyone in 2015. I'm sure gonna make some changes. I don't do resolutions, but a friend on Twitter said instead he makes goals for the year which sounds more feasible.

Chiflaco out.

Sunday

Nothing much going on. The weather's been warm. I want a cold winter. But it ain't gonna happen.

My knee's doing a whole lot better. There's no swelling and no pain. I do tire easily. I still use the cane when I go to the library and to the store. Although I ventured out to the store without it today. I came home and crashed, but I survived.

Went to lunch with Tony and Mike yesterday. We went to Luther's. It's kinda our hang out. Our favourite server wasn't waiting on us but he still came over and said hello. Javier is a character. He's a genuine person and very friendly. He fits well with us.

I have an extra ticket for Chicago next month and I seriously considered inviting him. Don't know if he's flirting or just being a nice server. We'll never know.

Chiflaco out.

Masochist

Okay, here it is in writing. I'm a masochist. I look for pain anywhere.

I made the mistake of typing in gay marriage proposals into You Tube. A flurry of proposals were available. These guys really went out of their way to propose marriage to their significant others.

To add insult to injury, a click lead to gay marriages and first wedding dances. I was mesmerized. I saw so many.

I've been in five relationships and one almost one that never happened but should have. My heart has been broken each time.

But despite all the bad, I still believe in love. I've given my heart several times only to have it lashed on a rock. Don't know what I've done wrong.

I mean, I cook, I bake, I do laundry, I do yard work, I love. Yet my heart has been broken. Maybe I should do windows!

I now realize that that will never happen to me. I'm a middle aged man with a terminal illness. Where am I going to find Mr. Right? Even Mr. Right for the evening.

I think that ship has sailed. I have a lot of love to offer Mr. Right but when will that happen? Guess I have to keep my love to myself.

Don't mean to be a whiner. I just realize that it will never happen. Me? Have a happily ever after? No way. I'm doomed to be on my own. As Charlotte Vale said in Now Voyager, I'm the spinster aunt, every family has one. That's me to a tee.

Let me wallow in my self pity.

Chiflaco out.

Food Stamps

Don't know if I blogged about it. For some reason, I got an additional dollar in food stamps. That's $16 a month now. What a thrill.

Lab Results

Got my lab results this morning. My t-cell count went down again, this time to 89. And I'm almost undetectable. He prefers that I'm undetectable. The doctors pay more attention to the viral load.

He did say it might have been low because I was sick when they drew blood two weeks ago. That's when I was home sick and with my swollen knee.

Everything else is good. No diabetes, no high blood pressure. Just the bad knee and shoulder. My knee is doing a whole lot better. I'm still using the brace and cane to be on the safe side. I start out okay, but then the pain sneaks in and I'm in pain again.

Chiflaco out.

Schlepping Around

I'm exhausted. Went to the podiatrist this morning. He pared off some of my callouses. He also said I should consider surgery on my hammer toes. Who knew I had them? He could have said something earlier. Gotta think about it. He did say if I had the surgery I wouldn't have that much trouble with the callouses.

It was cold this morning. I wore my trench coat, scarf, gloves, and cap. I also wore my quad cane to be on the safe side. I'm doing okay but you never know. It got warmer during my running around. I really didn't need all of this after a while.

Went to the mall while I was out. I needed a pair of jeans and trousers for the theatre. Also found a belt and got my Dream Guys calendar for next year. One of my neighbours has commented that I always have a different guy up for each month. Duh? Of course. Most of the Mexican calendars have one picture with removable months. Girl, I'm in the US and we have a hottie a month. Wish I did!

Just got home and took an ibuprofen to help with the pain. The old gray mare just ain't what she used to be...

Chiflaco out.

Busy Weekend

When it rains...Went to lunch with the family yesterday. Celebrated Larry and Oscar's birthdays. Yeah, we did the Chinese buffet again. We're regulars. We get together once a month just to see each other. Barbara and Debra see each other all the time, but I don't get to see them at all.

Mike called today and told me we had a lunch date. That was the first I heard about it. I won't say no. He and Tony picked me up after church. We went to Luther's where we had our favourite server hovering above us.

Javier is great. Keeps on top of everything and keeps smiles on our faces. I had the mushroom Swiss burger and it was scrumptious. Tony decided to order me dessert and I was forced to eat it. It was a Chocolate Heaven or something like that. A warm lava cake with ice cream and whipped cream. I hate Tony. But he already knows.

Chiflaco out.

Last Batch

Okay, this is officially my last batch of tamales! My arms are killing me. Plus I ran out of masa. Guess I'll have to go to the store to get some more and that will be my last batch.

Thank gawd I took an ibuprofen before I started. I think it helped.

Taking a break before getting back to them...

Chiflaco out.

Tamales

I'm making my first batch of tamales for the year. It might also be my last batch ever. Sure they're easy but it's still a lot of work. But it's so worth it when you bite into them and they're so tasty.

I have the husks soaking now. I made the meat yesterday and it tastes fabulous. I'm making pork and chicken tamales. Debra prefers the chicken. I'm also making some cheese tamales. Never heard of them but apparently my sister makes them and Barbara and Debra love them, so being the chifladas that they are, they're getting their favorites.

My knee is doing better but standing isn't helping any. I don't have a table so I'm doing the work on my limited counter space. I got it down pat.

Got the dough just right. I should have tamales for dinner. But they're better for breakfast. And of course they're better the day after. I remember Mom heating them up in a skillet with a little bit of water. Nowadays we nuke them and they just don't taste the same.

Chiflaco out.

Great Weather!

We're finally getting some great weather. It's in the 50's and windy. Just got back from the store. I'm in a tamale making mood so I went to get pork and masa to make a batch. I'm excited and looking forward to the tasty devils.

I did use my brace and quad cane and I'm paying for it. My knee pain has flared up. Well at least I'm in for the day. Maybe tomorrow also. All I have to do is stand up to make them. If I had a table I'd sit down and make them but I have such little counter space.

Chiflaco out.

Better

And just like that, the pain stopped. Don't know what happened but I woke up feeling better. My knee is not hurting. I'm still using the brace and cane to be on the safe side.

I know me and I will walk around without the cane and the pain will return. No sir, I'm using the cane. Great to be back, almost.

Knee Problems

The swelling went down for about two days but it came back yesterday. I'm still walking with my brace and quad cane.

I actually went to the library today. Picked up some DVDs to keep me entertained since I'm stuck home. There's so much I want to do but can't.

Mike wants me to go to the ER. But I'm afraid I will get admitted and who will look out for Jean-Luc? What an excuse.

Getting ready for another nap...

Chiflaco  out.

Exhausted!

I push myself. I went to do lab work this morning. I got my quad cane so I was happy with that. I also used my knee brace. It was murder getting on the trolley. I can only imagine what it would have been last week.

I was gonna do some running around but my knee said otherwise. I just came back home but stopped for breakfast and got some tacos for dinner.

Just took my ibuprofen and I'm going to bed. I'm tired of this. This is not fun. At least I have some DVDs to watch. No fun being at home for no reason. Guess I'll do an errand a day.

Chiflaco out.

When It Rains...

Don't think I've mentioned this before. Victoria is a neighbor who is a chef at the San Antonio Country Club. She's always cooking and sending food over.

Natalie is her partner and she is studying to be a beautician, so I get my hair done for free. She's also my fag hag and Victoria was Eddie's fag hag. Keep it in the family, huh?

They had a function at the country club and they usually throw away food. Victoria brought home some sweets and Natalie just brought some over! Talk about luck. And I was just gonna fix myself a pbnj.

Chiflaco out.

Oreo Heaven Again-NOT!

Just got back from Walgreens. Mike and Tony picked me up and we went to the library, Luther's for lunch, and Walgreens for my cane. I'm exhausted.

So there we were at Luther's and I decided dessert for them. Turns out they have Oreo Heaven also! No, I didn't get one. My tum's still acting up and I didn't want to risk it. I just had a Philly that was delicious.

We then went to Walgreens where I found the perfect cane. I could have walked out of the store with it but I didn't. Mike and Tony also brought me the chicken and dumplings and the added bonus of tuna casserole, and a slice of cake. I'm all set for the next few days. Again, I am blessed.

Chiflaco out.

Sicko Update

Yep, I'm still under the weather. Yesterday was especially stressful. For some reason I was cold and spent the day under the covers. My knee is still giving me problems but it seems to feel better today.

Jean-Luc has been a godsend. He was with me in bed all day long. He looks at me and he knows there's something wrong. This morning he woke me up by jumping on my chest. He's such a sweetheart.

Did my running around Friday. Tony came over and drove me around. I took him to Jim's where he talked me into having dessert. I normally don't make it to dessert because I'm stuffed from lunch or dinner. I wound up having an Oreo Heaven I think it was. Picture a warm brownie topped with a scoop of ice cream topped with whipped cream! It was covered in Oreo crumbs with warm chocolate fudge.

Don't know how I ate it but I did. It was delish. I hate Tony for talking me into it but I didn't complain.

Mike and Tony are coming over today. Mike is very worried about me and he's bringing me some chicken and dumplings. He makes a great batch. I asked him to take me to Walgreen's to buy a new cane with the four legs. I'm just so afraid I'm gonna fall with my regular cane. I'll be sturdier with the new cane.

I told Debra about my plight and she told Barbara and now they're concerned about me as well. Of course they say if I need anything to call. I might just take them up on it. I can take the bus to the store and call them to pick me up on the way to work.

I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful and caring people in my life. A long time ago I came up with the term framily, a combination of friends and family. I've since seen the term used by everybody else. I started a trend and didn't know it.

Chiflaco out.

Knee Update

Still having knee problems. I hate it. I should go to the emergency room but I'm just lazy. Mike says I should call a cab, but I'd hate to pay for a short trip. I might be able to hop on the trolley, but I'm afraid I'll fall.

Tony's coming over and taking me on some errands. Got to go to the library, pick up my bus pass, and get some groceries. I'm also going to take him to lunch as a thank you. I know, I'm so nice.

Chiflaco out.

Bathroom Problems

This is week two that I've had bathroom problems. My tummy has been upset and I've been spending a lot of time on my throne.

I should go to the doctor's but I can't right now. At least my body is flushing itself out. I'm not complaining. I just have to be near the bathroom.

Chiflaco out.

Homebound

Something happened to my left knee Monday. I was sitting at the computer and when I got up, it didn't. I'm in a lot of pain and my knee is swollen.

Go to the doctor. I can barely make it out of bed let alone schlep out of the building and take the trolley to the clinic. I am taking the ibuprofen and it's not really working.

I have a lot to do. At least I have some groceries for the next few days or so. And I have to do labs tomorrow but I think I'll cancel. And then I have to go pick up my bus pass tomorrow. Don't know how I will make it. To top it off, I'm almost out of sangria! LOL.

More later...

PS. At least someone has food, water, and litter. Poor baby I can't even pet him. He knows I still love him.

Shoulder Update

I seem to have my shoulder pain under control. I did have an x-ray taken  and it looks like arthritis but I can't pursue this until next year when my insurance kicks in. My doctor is not available in HMO but is on PPO. So I just signed up for it and I should be able to find out more in January.

For now I am taking 800 mg ibuprofen twice a day. I take it at lunch and at bedtime and it is helping. What's helping also is working is the Ben-Gay. I rub some on in the evenings and it seems to be working. Not to mention Jean-Luc loves it. It drives him crazy like catnip.

Speaking of Jean-Luc, I've been thinking of giving him a sibling. I have been checking on Craigslist for another Siamese. But I will wait until I renew my lease to do that.

Chiflaco out.

Cold

For some strange reason I've been cold a lot recently. I blogged  about this before I think. Don't know why I'm cold. Don't know if it's age or AIDS.

I do have my a/c on. Otherwise I'd be sweating up a storm. I guess it's better that I shiver than sweat. I hope it's temporary. I much prefer the cool weather.

Guess I'll just have to fess up to it and deal with the situation. I'll just keep the a/c on and sit around with a jacket or a blankie.

Chiflaco out.

Sleeping Beauty

I've been sleeping a lot lately. I've been sleeping like ten hours a night and have a two hour nap sometimes. I owe it to the booze.

I'm still drinking a lot. No, I'm not an alcoholic, I just love my booze. I do hard liquor around lunchtime and have a great nap. And I drink wine at night to help me go to sleep.

I am concerned about this but what can I do? I'm drinking vodka strait as I write this. Really hits home and I'm almost ready for my daily nap.

Wish I could stop.

Chiflaco out.

Laughing Gas

I went to the dentist yesterday. Dr. Riley is quite the hottie. He's got gorgeous blue eyes and a smile from here to tomorrow.

I got my teeth x-rayed and cleaned. I have some loose teeth that will eventually have to be extracted. That means an upper partial. I'm just falling apart. I should just go to dentures and get it over with.

Everybody at New Heights Dental is great and I highly recommend them. Not only for Dr. Riley but for great teeth. I have to go in three months for another cleaning and see how my teeth are doing. I have to decide to yank them out or not. We shall see.

Chiflaco out.

THE Birthday Boy

Happy 56th Birthday to Chiflaco! Here I is at the Chinese Buffet the family goes to. Damn I look old!

Birthday Boy

Happy 46th Birthday to the hottie from Down Under, Hugh Jackman. Honey, I'd love to go down under with him!

Eating Out

I had lunch with Mike and Tony yesterday. Invitation came out of the blue. Of course I was happy to oblige. We went to Chinese Buffet and pigged out. It was great seeing them. Poor Tony got unceremoniously let go at work a few weeks ago. I hope he finds a job soon.

Tonight I went to the Spaghetti Warehouse with Doug. Centro had a dinner and I signed us up. I had the grilled chicken Caesar salad. I was the only one that had a salad. I've been craving one for some time now.

Nothing much going on. Just another day in paradise.

Chiflaco out.

Digital Photography

Don't think I told you. I'm taking a digital photography class at the Southwest Craft Center. I was in photoshop in high school so I know a lot of the ins and outs. Problem is how to translate that knowledge into digital.

I thought my first photos were good but then I saw what the others turned in and I felt mediocre. Next we're doing things with a tripod and I went in search of one today. I can't believe I didn't find one at Wal-Mart. Guess I'll try another one tomorrow.

Today wore me out. I went to get my x-ray taken and that was a good hour. Then I took the bus downtown to transfer to another one. That was another two hours. I'm exhausted.

I went by Bill Miller's for sustenance and I schlepped on home. I'm just taking it easy for the rest of the night. I'll try again tomorrow.

Chiflaco out.

Winter Coat

I'm in the market for a winter coat. All my coats don't fit anymore. I've lost so much weight they just hang on me.

So I went to Burlington's since they have such a big variety. And I found nothing. I even went to Ross and nothing. Guess I'll have to try Macy's or something at the mall.

I didn't know losing weight would bring so many problems. Maybe I should gain all the weight back! JK

Chiflaco out.

Dr's Visit

Went to get my lab results yesterday. My t-cell count went down again and my viral load went from zero to 376. That's not good people. But then again, I did skip my meds for a few weeks.


Also got my flu shot so I'm protected this season. I also mentioned my right shoulder. He said I was bony! That's a first, me, bony?! I took it as a compliment. He said it might be arthritis or my shoulder could be dislocated. I have to go get it x-rayed.


Got to see my nutritionist. Yeah, I've gained weight, but then I've seen a lot of my co-horts and they've all gained weight. I really should start exercising but I'm just too lazy. I am eating less which she didn't like. I'm just not hungry.


Chiflaco out.

Marano

That's Spanish for pig. And I pigged out this week.

Sunday I went to lunch with Mike. We went to Jim's to check out the after-the-club crowd. We then went to go see This is Where I Leave You. The story of a dysfunctional family who gets together to sit shivah for the father. Funny!

Wednesday I went to Luby's with Doug. My clinic gives information dinners about AIDS topics. They talked about hepatitis C. Doug also brought me some cherry cobbler and apple crisp. They were delicious with coffee for breakfast.

Friday I went to a luncheon with Doug again. This was sponsored by the People's Caucus. They are a group of infected  and affected people with AIDS who set rules for social services for us. It was at a Tex-Mex restaurant I would not recommend but it was free food.

Today I did the family thing. Barbara and Jerry celebrated 21 years of marriage and Debra took us out to lunch. We went to the usual buffet where we pigged out. It's a Chinese buffet but I had American food. Go figure.

I'm exhausted! I normally have quiet weeks but this week was different. It's always great seeing my support system. I am truly blessed with my friends and family. Don't know what I'd do without them.

Chiflaco out.

Cold

Don't know if it's age or AIDS, but I've been cold for the past month or so. I love the cold and have been looking forward to fall and winter. I even learned how to knot my scarf in the fashionable way.

But I'm cold. I've actually been shivering. I wonder how I'm gonna react to the cold weather. Not that it gets cold here like in Michigan.

But for some reason I feel the cold more here then there. I owe it to the fact that it gets cold suddenly here. In Michigan it was cold for months and I didn't feel the cold that much. I was actually in short sleeves in winter. Here I'm in sweaters and long sleeves.

I know AIDS patients are delicate when it comes to temperatures. I hope that's not the case with me. I do so enjoy the cool weather. I'm kinda scared this time.

Chiflaco out.

Ben Gay Catnip!?!?!?

About three years ago, I woke up with a sharp pain in my right shoulder. It's been with me ever since. It actually dissipated for a bit but it just came back with a vengeance.

I got some Ben Gay and massage it into my shoulder as best I can. I really need somebody to work it in, hint, hint, anyone.

So I put it on and sit down. Jean-Luc went crazy with it. He climbed up on my chest and started nuzzling on my shoulder. He started purring and gyrating all over me. He usually does that when I give him catnip.

Guess there's catnip in Ben Gay. Who knew?

Chiflaco out.

Quiet Week

Nothing much going on. I did go to the clinic the other day for labs and to talk to my therapist. I did bring up the drinking problem. That was my main concern and took up the bulk of my visit.

I'm watching Ken Burns' The Roosevelts on PBS. A look into Teddy, Eleanor, and Franklin's lives. Very good. I'm mesmerized by the series. Brought a lot of insight into them. We never really studied Teddy but he was a Renaissance man. He was quite a character.

One thing interesting that came out is that both Teddy and FDR suffered from depression. Also, Eleanor was not that great a mother. I always thought she was because of her altruism. But that was not the case.

I feel old watching this series. Only older people would appreciate this. I don't think I would have watched anything like this thirty years ago. Makes me want to go back to school again.

Chiflaco out.

Matthew's Luncheon

Got together with the family this weekend. It was Matthew's 17th birthday. I still remember when Barbara told us she was pregnant. And I knew all along that it was gonna be a boy.

Tremors-They're B-A-A-A-C-K!!!

Ten years ago I had shingles and this led to my HIV+ status. I had them up and down my right arm. The bad part was that I was unable to eat with my right arm but I liked it because I lost weight.

I had a severe case of tremors. My right arm has just never recovered. My penmanship is horrendous and I can't hold a fork for the life of me.

I've had them for ten years and they have gotten better. But for some reason, they're back. I was at lunch with Doug the other day and he noticed me shaking. Doug is an older man I've talked about before. I call him my Silver Daddy.

So here I am shaking again. It could be the DTs since I've been drinking a lot lately. Don't know why, I just am. Mike asked if I'm depressed but I don't know. I just know that I'm drinking a lot. And not just my usual nightly glass of wine. I've been hitting the hard liquor. We're talking tequila and vodka. I just can't get enough.

I've gotten used to drinking in the late mornings and taking a nap afterwards. It's relaxing but it's still a problem. No I'm not alcoholic, I just love my booze. I'm in a daze most of the time because of it.

I wish I could stop but I can't. I won't. What's the use? Why stop drinking if it doesn't hurt me? It is hurting my pocket book, but I'm still able to function okay.

Fact is the tremors are back. They are annoying. I can't eat or write and keyboarding is a problem. I'm making due.

Chiflaco out.

Addiction

I officially have no life. I found Mark and Ethan in you tube and now I've found three other couples.

It's like watching a train wreck, I just can't get enough. RJ and Will are a couple in CA. Luke and Trent are from the UK and Australia. And Vinny and Luke are also from the UK although Vinny is American. Luke and Trent are married as are Vinny and Luke. RJ and will are engaged.

They're all cute couples. I must say I'm envious of their relationships. They are all in the honeymoon stage and they're all lovey dovey. Of course I think of all my relationships and how they all started off great. I pray these couples stay together.

RJ and Will have the longest relationship at four years. It's so nice to see these couples with the love and support of their families. I remember my parents were supportive of all my exes.

Chiflaco out.

Ladies Who Lunch

Went to lunch with Ernest today. We'd been looking forward to it for a while. We decided on Indian since we haven't had it in a while and I've been craving it like crazy.

We got to the buffet and quickly served ourselves. The food was scrumptious as always. They have something called paneer which is a spinach dish I like to drizzle on basmati rice.

I also got some chicken curry and lamb meatballs, again, delicious. We filled up pretty quick. We chatted a bit before going up for round two. But that was about it. We only ate two plates of food. I thought for sure I'd eat more since I had been looking forward to lunch.

We came home and he showed me how to use my scanner. I can be quite the blonde sometimes. Now I should add more to my blog that nobody reads. That's what Mike says. I don't care, it's for me anyway. And if someone should care about me, good, they know what's going on in my life.

I pulled out my backgammon set and he let me win three times. We hadn't played in years but it came back pretty quick. His main problem is setting up the board and it's pretty easy after that.

He gets along with Jean-Luc, who doesn't? There's still that something between us. We talked about a lot of things including relationships. Don't know if I'm seeing things into it, but there's an unknown that we don't want to talk about.

We get along well. He does look out after me. We have the same sense of humour and he's one of the few intelligent people I know. Yeah, we fit together well. If you got to check out Mark and Ethan, that's how me and Ernest are.

I caught him looking at me several times. And I have to admit I looked at him a lot. I still find him attractive after 27 years. We haven't seen each other in a while and it takes so little to jump in to each other. Guess we'll pussy foot around for another 27 years.

And after catching up with Mark and Ethan, I think I'm ready for a relationship. I miss being with someone. I miss looking out after someone and somebody looking out for me. It's like I tell Mike, I cook, bake, clean, do yard work, I'm a catch.

But where am I gonna meet Mr Right? I can't even meet Mr Right for Tonight! I've never been one to play the field and I'm not about to start now. I just know that if I should get in another relationship, it's for keeps.

Chiflaco out.

Methan

 

When I get bored I go on You Tube. Whoever came up with this is a masochist. Anybody can make videos and upload them for the world to see. You click on one and then there are similar videos to watch.

I came across this cute couple out of Indiana. Mark and Ethan are great together. I've seen how they met, moved in together and go on boyfriend adventures. They are such a positive role model.

Makes me wish I had a boyfriend again. I'm due for one. I look at these guys and remember that my relationships started off like that. But then something happened.

I really wish the best for Mark and Ethan. Go to You Tube and meet them sometime. Here's a link to them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTFVH1LbtoE

Chiflaco out.

Podiatrist

It was painful! I schlepped to the podiatrist today. He pared off about a lb. of callouses. It was painful but it had to be done. Problem was I had to pay extra since I'm not diabetic. If I were then it would be free. I have something worse and they overlook it.

It's so nice to be able to walk again. I still have knee problems and have been wearing my brace again. But it's such a relief. It's unbearable. It's like I'm walking on fire it hurts so much.

But I'm okay for another few months. He previously suggested pedicures but they didn't shave enough off. I'm gonna start seeing him every three months to keep it under control.

Went to the cinema while I was out. Saw Guardians of The Galaxy. Pure fluff but I wanted to see it. Watch for the DVD, nothing spectacular to write about. They did leave it open for a sequel which they've already decided on.

Chiflaco out.

Quiet Week

It's been a quiet week again. Didn't go out because of the heat. Not to mention my left knee is swollen and it's hard to walk with callouses. Of course they're worse on my left foot. I've been trying to make an appointment with the podiatrist but I keep getting his voicemail. He care pare down the callouses and he did recommend pedicures, but they don't shave enough off.

I went to the store yesterday morning and it was already hot. This was at 7,30 and the humidity was high as well. And it hurt so much to walk. But I still have to go if only to get Jean-Luc his food.

I've also been sleeping a lot lately. I blame the heat. I've been taking long naps and going to bed early. I've also been very bored. Nothing seems to catch my attention. I even saw a Kevin Costner film and that let me down. I mean, Kevin Costner! And if you don't know, I love him.

Let's see what today has in store for me. So far I'm ready for bed already.

Chiflaco out.

Dark Shadows

I'm still on a Dark Shadows kick. It started out in black and white and now it's in color. I'm up to 1967 and still have four years worth to watch.

I just found a Dark Shadows Almanac that has episode synopsis that I have on hold at the library. Apparently there are some other people into it also. Maybe if I read what's gonna happen I can stop watching the discs.

I do get fed up periodically but it's like a car accident, I just can't get away from it. The acting is horrendous and the writing predictable. I don't remember much that's going on, but I can still recite lines before they're said. Maybe I'm that intelligent.

Also, in 1991, the Dark Shadows creator rewrote the series with Ben Cross as Barnabas. It ran for only one season but I remember it was great. Well, they have it at the library and I'm watching it now. It's really good and I don't know why it didn't continue.

Okay, I have no life.

Chiflaco out.

Weight Gain

I've gained 14 pounds! Don't know how it happened it just did. I have been eating out a lot lately. It's just too hot to cook let alone bake. I've been in a baking mood but don't have the desire.

I've started eating salads again. I need to lose the weight. I just feel so fat now. I feel like I've gained 50 lbs rather than 14. I also feel bloated. There are times when I eat that I feel like I ate a side of beef. I can feel the food in my throat like I'm ready to throw up. I've started eating very light for dinner, usually toast or a PB&J. Otherwise I'd feel like throwing up.

Nothing much else going on. I've been exhausted a lot lately. It's probably the sun but I'm so worn out. Yesterday I went to breakfast with Andrew. The restaurant is three blocks away but I had trouble with my knee. It swelled up and I had to lie down when I got home.

Andrew is a neighbor. He's cool, he's straight but gay friendly. I can joke about things with him and he won't get paranoid. Bless his heart, he's had knee replacement surgery, a prostate cancer scare, and now he's got a brain tumor that they have to shrink before they treat him.

Eddie was very jealous and he was jealous of Andrew. Like I'm gonna do something with anyone. I haven't been sexually active in so long I probably forgot what to do. People say it's like riding a bike. Thing is, I never learned.

I've also been napping a lot lately. I think it's the heat. I wake up, have coffee and then get sleepy. I'm one of those weird people that don't find caffeine as a stimulant. I remember when I was a young whipper snapper, my Mom would put coffee in my bottle and told me to go to sleep, so I did. Guess it carried over to adulthood.

Chiflaco out.

Eddie

Eddie did get on my nerves, but he was still a friend. I always think of him on the first of the month. I have a Dream Guys calendar and he would always come up to check out the stud du jour.

I'm looking at Mr August and he's a hottie. Surfer type guy with a tan and sandy brown hair with highlights. Of course he's got great pecs and abs.

He was a character. Joseph came by tonight asking for a toothpick to clean out his pipe. Eddie used to do that all the time. He loved his pot. He gave up smoking and drinking but he held on to his pot. He did all that and he still died.

Oh the irony. Maybe I should take up some vices.

Chiflaco out.

Sunny and HOT!

It's fabulous weather out. The sun's out and there're blue skies. Perfect day for laying out. That's one thing I miss from Michigan. We used to have a deck out back and I could lay out to my heart's content.

It's too hot and I have no place to lay out down here. I'd kill for a pool and some sun tan lotion. And some cool refreshing beverage, preferably with some alcohol.

It's also humid out. I was actually perspiring in the shade today. I would have stayed home but I had to go pick up my bus pass. For $2 I can ride the bus for a month. It used to be free, but it's still a bargain.

Still a quiet week. No drama after last week. My finger is almost back to normal. Amen. Nothing much to report.

Jean-Luc has been very needy again. He likes to hop on my lap and take a little nap. This is usually when I plug in a movie so we won't be disturbed. Everybody loves him. He's so loving and affectionate. Not like some other cats I know.

Just wanted to say hello.

Chiflaco out.

Drs Visits

I have callouses on my feet that are very uncomfortable. I went to a podiatrist a while ago and he pared them off. He suggested I get pedicures saying that they can whittle down the callouses. NOT!

So I went to the doctor to get a referral. Guess I'll just see the podiatrist regularly to take care of them.

While at the doctor's, I mentioned some dry, itchy skin on my shoulder and ears. He said it was scabies and gave me a script for it. Turns out scabies are transmitted by cats! Jean-Luc gave them to me. I have to think about getting rid of him but that's impossible. Guess I'll have to live with scabies.

I also mentioned a swollen index finger. I bought a ring that got stuck and infected my finger. The doctor couldn't do anything for me but gave me the number to an urgent care clinic where they might have a ring cutter.

So today I went to the clinic and the doctor was able to cut it off. He bandaged my finger and gave me an ice pack. I feel so relieved. My finger was really bothering me. The swelling made my finger very tender. Okay, it hurt like hell. I had to do something about it. I did like the ring, it was a Buddha head and I kept it as a remembrance.

My finger is almost back to normal. I can still feel the ring even though it's not there anymore. My finger is still swollen but not as tender as it was before.

Other than that, I'm doing okay. I'm on the road to recovery. And I went by the pharmacy to pick up my script for scabies, and they didn't have it! They had to order it and should be delivered tomorrow. I'm very anxious about it.

Jean-Luc has been very attentive. Guess he knows something's up. He doesn't know that he's the reason I'm sick. Poor baby. I just can't give him up. We're too much in love to let a little medical problem come between us.

Chiflaco out.

Doing Better

I'm doing a whole lot better today. Victoria stopped by last night and suggested Vic's Vapor Rub. I snapped and rubbed some on. I almost immediately felt better.

I rubbed some more today and I just came back from the dead. I also had some chicken soup from Oasis. I love their soup with white meat, potatoes, celery, zuchinni and rice. I always order extra rice.

I ate some and felt great. I already told Mike next time I get sick to remind me to use the vapor rub. I know he'll remember. I know I'll forget.

I've been taking Nyquil and Dayquil and that's helped a lot. Of course the gargling also helped. It's just so nice to be back from the dead.

I just need days of recuperation and more chicken soup. I'll eat some just to be on the safe side.

Chiflaco out

Summer Cold

This is not funny. I've had a cold for two weeks now. Stuffy nose, sneezing, stuffy head, coughing, at least my fever broke a few days ago.

I am gargling with salt water or hydrogen peroxide. It's on the label, strange but true. I've done everything but chicken soup. That's next on the agenda.

Maybe that's why I haven't shown any interest in anything. I've tried to watch a movie or read but nothing keeps my attention.

I went to therapy today but my heart was just not in it. I'm doing okay but I still go for the disability portion. If they should investigate, they will see that I'm still seeing a therapist.

And my psychiatrist got booted. I have to start all over again. It's kinda difficult finding someone new. I have to feel them out to see if I'll be comfortable with them. We'll see.

I'm off to bed already. I'm gonna take some Nyquil and go to bed.

Chiflaco out.

Vicious

Vicious is a comedy on PBS. It's about a gay couple that has been together for 50 years. And they are vicious to each other and everyone. They throw zingers at each other that are hilarious. Starring Ian McKellan and Derek Jacobi, this is definitely worth watching.

Le Quartoze Juilliet-Bastille Day

14 July, Bastille Day or Le Quartoze Juillet. In 14 July 1789, the French stormed the Bastille starting the French Revolution. In 1790 France celebrated the unity of the French People. Vive La France.

This is also Jean-Luc's 6th birthday. He was born sometime in July and this is a good date as any. He's quite the charmer and he demanded a lot of attention today. I picked this day to celebrate his birthday because it was an easy day to remember.

Yes, he's been demanding a lot of attention lately. He sleeps with me and takes naps on my lap. I plug in a DVD and he cuddles and naps. He is so spoiled.

Chiflaco out.

Amen

I went to church with Mike and Tony today. Why I don't know. Well, Mike's birthday is next week and he's working so I wanted to take him out for lunch. So rather than them going to church and picking me up and dropping me off, I went to church to save them a trip.

The Metropolitan Community Church is for all purposes a gay church. Founded decades ago I think in California, they are country wide and maybe worldwide, I'm not sure.

Anyhoo, every other word out of their mouth is amen. The first few times were okay, but really. It's a beautiful Sunday, amen. Hope you had a great week, amen. The lord is with us, amen. You get the picture.

It's just not for me. I was bored out of my gourd and laughing inside. I don't know how I made it through the service, amen, but I did, amen. LOL.

Well, whatever floats your boat.

Anyhoo, we went to Luther's where we pigged out. I had the brisket sandwich and it was succulent, amen. Not to be outdone, we even had dessert. And I'm not one for dessert, but it was a special day.

I had the chocolate dream or something like that. A chocolate cake over a bed of Oreo's with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. It was evil, amen.

Well, it was nice to see them. We see little of each other and moreso now that Mike moved in with Tony. I think I wrote here that Tony lives in Boerne, which is a small burg west of here. They say it's close, but to me it seems like across the country.

I'm happy for them and a bit envious. I remember being in relationships and looking out for my boyfriend or him looking out after me. I see that and I'm happy for Mike. Seeing them is nauseating though. Too much sugar! Amen! LOL.

And, I'm stuffed. I will not be eating tonight. I feel like a beached whale. But a contented one. Amen.

Chiflaco out.

Pepsi vs Coke

This is a heated debate. Which is tastier, Pepsi or Coke? Well, here's my two cents.

Hands down Pepsi is better. I had my first Pepsi in Mexico decades ago. It was so tasty and sweet. When I came back to the states, I tried Pepsi and while it was great, it wasn't as tasty as the Mexican formula.

Yesterday I drank a Coke. It was almost flat and not as tasty as Pepsi. I should have gotten a Dr. Pepper. When I go to a restaurant I always order Pepsi. If they don't have it, I will order a Dr. Pepper or water. I have to make a statement.

The added plus of Pepsi, is that Joan Crawford backed it in the 60's. Her last husband was with Pepsi and she demanded Pepsi products be served on-set. Of course I love Joan and she is a native San Antonian.

PEPSI ALL THE WAY.

Chiflaco out.

Ladies Who Lunch

It's been a quiet week. We were supposed to go to a rugby game today but that fell through.

Mike, Tony, and I went to lunch. They picked me up after church, like I was gonna go. At least the roof is still standing.

We went to Sam's Burger Joint on Grayson off Broadway. We had a fun time as usual. I've been on a swiss and onion mood for some reason. Just can't get enough.

Afterwards, they opened a gift I got them. It was a house warming gift, or a happy-you-moved-in-together gift. I got them a wind chime with crosses because they're so spiritual. I always know how to give gifts. I don't accept them but I love to give.

I kinda hate seeing them together. Makes me wish I had someone. But I've already decided the kitchen is closed. I will never be in another relationship. Too bad because I have so much to offer.

Chiflaco out.

Too Cute!

Drug Holiday

I decided to take a drug holiday. That means that I did not take my HIV medication. I just got fed up of taking it. It's not as if it's gonna kill me.

Well, I had labs last month and my t-cell count went up! Go figure. Just for that I'm not taking them again. Who cares anyway? As my parents used to say Cosa Mala Nunca Muere, Bad Things Never Die! LOL.

Chiflaco out.

Quiet Week

Nothing much going on this week. The highlight was Sister Act.

I did get approved for another year of food stamps. I'm still getting only $15 a month.

Mike moved to Boerne with Tony. Guess I'll see him less. But he's happy and that's all that counts.

I've been in a funky mood for some reason. It's like I'm fighting a depression. I lay down every day and just lie in bed. I don't nap I just lie there. Of course Jean-Luc lies down with me. He's my savior.

Chiflaco out.

Sister Act

Went to see Sister Act Tuesday night. Based on the movie, the musical was hilarious. Great songs and acting and you should watch it if you get the chance.

Went to the Houston St Bistro for dinner. Mike had the salmon, Tony the gorgonzola chicken, and I had the beef brochettes which is fancy for kabobs and they were scrumptious. Served with grilled bell peppers and onion over a bed of basmati rice. I've been there before and highly recommend it.

Birthday Boy

Happy 43rd Birthday to hunky Josh Lucas. Loved him in Sweet Home Alabama.

Family Luncheon

Went to lunch to celebrate Barbara's birthday. It was great seeing the family. We went to a Chinese buffet, the kids are picky and we usually go somewhere they can eat. I do like this photo, you can't see my belly much! And I pigged out. I didn't eat the rest of the day, hell, I might not eat tomorrow. Don't tell my nutritionist that!

It was great sitting down and catching up with everyone. The kids have grown so much. Seems like just yesterday they were in diapers. Seems like yesterday I was changing Debra and Barbara's diapers. Gawd I'm old.

Went to Best Buy to get Debra something and we flirted outrageously with Matt. He's hot. I liked the fact that he was furry and that's what Debra didn't like. Then went to Wal-Mart where I got some skinny clothes.

I look forward to another family outing. I think we should do monthly potlucks but we'll see what happens. We also talked about karaoke, they know how much I like to sing.

Chiflaco out.

Dark Shadows

I remember back when I used to run home to watch Dark Shadows with my sister. I don't remember much of it to tell the truth. Well, the other night Tony brought it up and I stupidly checked Netflix. Guess what?

I've already seen over 100 episodes and I can't believe how bad it is. The acting is bad and everything is so predictable. I like to watch it just for the bloopers. And you can see the camera and I laugh when the actors don't know their lines and they blatantly look at the cue cards and read their lines.

I've already told Mike I hate Tony. We've all gotten a good laugh out of it. I can hardly wait for my next disc.

Chiflaco out.

Tony's

It's that time of year again. The Tony's are on tonight and Hugh Jackman is the host this year. I've watched since like forever. I always felt like I should be on stage receiving and award. I'm rooting for Neil Patrick Harris and Bryan Cranston. Keep your fingers crossed.

Manic

I've been in a manic mood lately, more manic than depressed. I can never control these feelings. I'm on my meds but the feelings still there.

I've also been manic eating. I've been like PacMan after the cherries. But then there have been days when I don't eat. My nutritionist hates those days. I'm ambivalent about it. Of course.

I've had a sense of euphoria for some reason. It's like I'm fighting a depression. I don't want to be depressed but my memories keep haunting me. I have too many memories and lately I've been thinking of the bad ones.

I still mourn my sister. She was the best. She was my friend, confidante, mother, everything. We had a blast. She did everything by the book but she had a bad life for a while there. God worked in mysterious ways when he took her from us. She left a void that can never be replaced. I still cry when I think of her like right now. I do have lots of happy memories with her and they always bring a smile to my face. I miss her. I wish she were still around for her girls and her grandchildren.

Then I think of relationships past. I've had some interesting ones. I think about my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, the one that got away, and my two mistakes. There were good memories but also some bad ones. You learn from your mistakes and I made my fair share. If I could I would do things just the same I guess. They made me who I am. And I'm happy with me for some reason. I'm content with where I am.

I do wish I could get in contact with David. He was the love of my life 29 years ago. I still love him and I have actually come across him twice but he doesn't want to communicate with me for some reason. I just emailed him and I know he won't reply.

Then there's Ernie, the one that got away. I fell for him almost immediately. We complemented each other is so many ways. It was like it was made in heaven. We loved each other as friends and it was a small step to really love each other. I'm mad at myself for not being able to talk to him about it.

I even think of Chuck. He was my bad relationship. He swept me off my feet. But then the abuse started and I was not in a good place. He had his sweet moments but they were overshadowed by his bad moods. And he took them out on me...and I let him. I had no choice.

And then there's Steve. He was gonna be my last one. He told me he loved me and I fell for it. He said the right things. When he asked me to move with him I didn't hesitate. He came down one Christmas and I said good-bye to my parents and nieces and left.

We had a nice life together for a few years. Then he got involved with a bunch of losers and that started the nail in the coffin. We had problems and when I broached the subject he said everything was fine. I even left out a couples therapy brochure that he totally ignored. Hey, I saw a problem and wanted to work on it but he said everything was fine. It wasn't.

He cheated on me and never had the cojones to admit to it. I'm not blind. I saw what was going on. I'm not stupid. I know that's how I got HIV. But he's HIV-, go figure. Guess my slut days caught up with me.

So I've been moody. I do have some crying spells. But then I watch Diana's concerts and my spirits are lifted. I listen to Bette Midler's Live at Last cd and I have a smile on my face. I also have Tina Turner and Wham! DVDs to watch. What a faggot.

Oh well, what's a guy to do? Just manage.

Chiflaco out.

Trevor

I'm still in a Diana mood. Been listening to my Diana collection all day long. Ah the memories. Of course this got me in the mood to see Trevor.

Trevor is an Academy Award winning short about the coming of age of a young boy. Trevor is coming to terms with being gay. He loves Diana and lip syncs to her albums. He longs for attention and thinks of ways to commit suicide. He even practices for his funeral.

We're all Trevor in many ways. We all identified with him when we saw it many moons ago. I have been likened to Trevor by several people here and in Michigan. Wonder why? I just hope for my happy ending.

Chiflaco out.

Karma

I must have done something right in a previous life. I have great karma following me.

I have some great neighbours. I share things with them and they in return share with me.

Yesterday Andrew brought me some beer. He volunteers at church functions and people periodically leave booze behind. He brings me the leftovers. I share things with him. He sometimes forgets to go to the store and he comes down for a little bit of food. He also asks for pain killers which I never have. And he's gay friendly, he's real cool.

Victoria is a chef at Central Market. She periodically brings me a plate of food and it is always scrumptious. I in turn always share my baking with her and Natalie, and Joseph. They're all real cool also.

Natalie is Victoria's partner and she's studying to be a beautician. That means that she needs practice. So guess who gets free haircuts? She came over last night with her weed wacker and did a number on my hair. I was having a bad hair week and she came to the rescue.

I almost forgot Barbara. She's Chuck's sister and cherished friend. She sends me gift cards to HEB so I can go get some food and sundry items. I got a sister out of that relationship.

I am truly blessed.

Chiflaco out.

The One That Got Away

I didn't mean to, but I fell in love 24 years ago.

I was sitting in the cafeteria one night and this guy stopped by and joined me for dinner. He sat down and we began talking. I found we had a lot in common as we laughed and talked.

Ernie was a cut up. I actually allowed him to give me a ride home the next morning. And so it started.

I'd be at work and I'd get a phone call and he would say he'd pick me up. He would  surprise me with a picnic. We'd go to a park and laugh and eat. We did a lot of laughing...and eating too.

He introduced me to his family and I became a fixture in his life. I was happy. I never felt like I belonged and here I felt whole for the first time in my life. He had a dinner for me one night where he introduced me to his friends. They all liked me of course.

I spent the night one time and we shared his bed. In the middle of the night I awoke to find him staring at me. Was I making it up? Was I dreaming? I just went back to sleep.

We went shopping one day and bought a tent and sleeping bags. He picked me up one day and drove to the coast where we pitched the tent and proceeded to enjoy the beach. We found some hazelnut coffee and made a great pot. We bought some shrimp and grilled them on his grill. Life was great.

We would go to employee banquets and we always put on a show. We would dress up and outdo the managers. Someone took a photo of us and I enlarged it and framed it and gave him a copy. We were so happy.

I never said anything. In my mind's eye he loved me back. But mum's the word. Why was I scared?

I lost track of him once upon a time, but I never forgot him. How could I? I went off on adventures but my heart was always here in San Antonio. I think I wrote him telling him how I felt but I never heard from him. I still haven't. We should talk sometime.

I came back and caught up with him again. Nothing's changed. I still love him. I have always been afraid of rejection, so I still haven't done anything. We see each other periodically and there's still that chemistry. I catch him looking at me but don't say anything.

He came over the other day to help me out with the computer. I hadn't seen him in over two years but he's still the handsomest, sweetest man I've ever met. The chemistry's still there and we talk as if we've never been apart.

Sometimes I think I should bring it up but I hesitate. I talked about him in therapy today. It felt good talking about him. Everything is good about him. I wish we could spend more time together but so much time has passed.

I hesitate because of rejection. I hesitate because I'm used garbage and infected garbage at that! I know relationships exist between positive and negative partners but I wouldn't put him through that. I didn't before when I was healthy, so why bother now?

Don't know when I'll see him again. We periodically go for Indian food because we're the only ones that like that cuisine. I hope I don't have to wait another two years to see him. I do want to talk to him when we get together. After 24 years...I still love the guy.

Just wanted to share.

Chiflaco out.

Bad VIA Experience

Like I'm surprised. I was waiting for the bus yesterday when a bus came by and I got up to get on it. The operator stopped and changed it to Out of Service. That means that it's only going downtown and then back to the garage.

This has happened before and I've nicely said I'm only going down a few stops. This time the bus driver said no that it was against policy to pick anyone up. How rude! I just told her this was yet another bad VIA experience.

Wish they would get their you-know-what together.

Chiflaco out.

Splurge

Apparently I forgot to use my $15 of food stamps last month. That means that I had $30 to spend. Just got back from the store and I stocked up my freezer full of goodies. Now I have food for the next week and a half.

Diana Ross

If you didn't know she was a faggot, you know now!

We all know where we were Thursday 21 July 1983. We were glued to the TV all set to watch Diana. She was giving a concert in Central Park.

The show started off great, great entrance. Then it happened, the wind started up and then it began to rain. Trouper that she is, she kept on performing. Then it got really bad and she had to stop but not before promising to return the next day.

Then Friday came and we were all drinking and ready for the show of a lifetime. Diana did not let us down as usual. She opened with I'm Coming Out and she ran from her trailer and up the steps to the stage and she just wowed us.

Miss Ross was Supreme. She gave a great concert and it went on for a while. But it was too short for us fans. I had a blast watching the concert. I splurged when I saw it on Amazon. I'm lucky to have it and will watch it periodically. I also was able to get her concert from Caesar's Palace which is another great concert. I remember I used to have it on laser disc way back when.

Should I even mention that I've seen her in concert? And she does not disappoint. I would love to see her again...maybe one day.

Chiflaco out.

VIA Sucks!!!

Got my passport out and headed out to the barrio the other day. I had to go to the clinic pharmacy to pick up a script. It's a hassle but it's free.

I left here at 8,30 and ventured out. I had to take to buses to get there. Lots of waiting. The bright side is that I schlepped out in the morning before it gets hot.

I had to run another errand and I had to take three buses to get there. More waiting. Since I was out, I had lunch at a Chinese buffet. The embarrassing thing was that I was walking back to my table and my shorts started to fall down. Thank gawd I had showered that morning. I managed to hold on to my tray and lift my shorts up at the same time. Very talented.

Then I took the bus home and was exhausted by the time I got home. I got home at 2,15. That's almost six hours out of my day. Granted I don't do anything, it's the principle. I came home, took another shower and lay down. I didn't sleep, I just rested.

VIA sucks big time. Had I a car, I would have done my running around in an hour. I hope they fix VIA sometime soon.

Chiflaco out.