Quiet Week

Nothing much going on this week. The highlight was Sister Act.

I did get approved for another year of food stamps. I'm still getting only $15 a month.

Mike moved to Boerne with Tony. Guess I'll see him less. But he's happy and that's all that counts.

I've been in a funky mood for some reason. It's like I'm fighting a depression. I lay down every day and just lie in bed. I don't nap I just lie there. Of course Jean-Luc lies down with me. He's my savior.

Chiflaco out.

Sister Act

Went to see Sister Act Tuesday night. Based on the movie, the musical was hilarious. Great songs and acting and you should watch it if you get the chance.

Went to the Houston St Bistro for dinner. Mike had the salmon, Tony the gorgonzola chicken, and I had the beef brochettes which is fancy for kabobs and they were scrumptious. Served with grilled bell peppers and onion over a bed of basmati rice. I've been there before and highly recommend it.

Birthday Boy

Happy 43rd Birthday to hunky Josh Lucas. Loved him in Sweet Home Alabama.

Family Luncheon

Went to lunch to celebrate Barbara's birthday. It was great seeing the family. We went to a Chinese buffet, the kids are picky and we usually go somewhere they can eat. I do like this photo, you can't see my belly much! And I pigged out. I didn't eat the rest of the day, hell, I might not eat tomorrow. Don't tell my nutritionist that!

It was great sitting down and catching up with everyone. The kids have grown so much. Seems like just yesterday they were in diapers. Seems like yesterday I was changing Debra and Barbara's diapers. Gawd I'm old.

Went to Best Buy to get Debra something and we flirted outrageously with Matt. He's hot. I liked the fact that he was furry and that's what Debra didn't like. Then went to Wal-Mart where I got some skinny clothes.

I look forward to another family outing. I think we should do monthly potlucks but we'll see what happens. We also talked about karaoke, they know how much I like to sing.

Chiflaco out.

Dark Shadows

I remember back when I used to run home to watch Dark Shadows with my sister. I don't remember much of it to tell the truth. Well, the other night Tony brought it up and I stupidly checked Netflix. Guess what?

I've already seen over 100 episodes and I can't believe how bad it is. The acting is bad and everything is so predictable. I like to watch it just for the bloopers. And you can see the camera and I laugh when the actors don't know their lines and they blatantly look at the cue cards and read their lines.

I've already told Mike I hate Tony. We've all gotten a good laugh out of it. I can hardly wait for my next disc.

Chiflaco out.

Tony's

It's that time of year again. The Tony's are on tonight and Hugh Jackman is the host this year. I've watched since like forever. I always felt like I should be on stage receiving and award. I'm rooting for Neil Patrick Harris and Bryan Cranston. Keep your fingers crossed.

Manic

I've been in a manic mood lately, more manic than depressed. I can never control these feelings. I'm on my meds but the feelings still there.

I've also been manic eating. I've been like PacMan after the cherries. But then there have been days when I don't eat. My nutritionist hates those days. I'm ambivalent about it. Of course.

I've had a sense of euphoria for some reason. It's like I'm fighting a depression. I don't want to be depressed but my memories keep haunting me. I have too many memories and lately I've been thinking of the bad ones.

I still mourn my sister. She was the best. She was my friend, confidante, mother, everything. We had a blast. She did everything by the book but she had a bad life for a while there. God worked in mysterious ways when he took her from us. She left a void that can never be replaced. I still cry when I think of her like right now. I do have lots of happy memories with her and they always bring a smile to my face. I miss her. I wish she were still around for her girls and her grandchildren.

Then I think of relationships past. I've had some interesting ones. I think about my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, the one that got away, and my two mistakes. There were good memories but also some bad ones. You learn from your mistakes and I made my fair share. If I could I would do things just the same I guess. They made me who I am. And I'm happy with me for some reason. I'm content with where I am.

I do wish I could get in contact with David. He was the love of my life 29 years ago. I still love him and I have actually come across him twice but he doesn't want to communicate with me for some reason. I just emailed him and I know he won't reply.

Then there's Ernie, the one that got away. I fell for him almost immediately. We complemented each other is so many ways. It was like it was made in heaven. We loved each other as friends and it was a small step to really love each other. I'm mad at myself for not being able to talk to him about it.

I even think of Chuck. He was my bad relationship. He swept me off my feet. But then the abuse started and I was not in a good place. He had his sweet moments but they were overshadowed by his bad moods. And he took them out on me...and I let him. I had no choice.

And then there's Steve. He was gonna be my last one. He told me he loved me and I fell for it. He said the right things. When he asked me to move with him I didn't hesitate. He came down one Christmas and I said good-bye to my parents and nieces and left.

We had a nice life together for a few years. Then he got involved with a bunch of losers and that started the nail in the coffin. We had problems and when I broached the subject he said everything was fine. I even left out a couples therapy brochure that he totally ignored. Hey, I saw a problem and wanted to work on it but he said everything was fine. It wasn't.

He cheated on me and never had the cojones to admit to it. I'm not blind. I saw what was going on. I'm not stupid. I know that's how I got HIV. But he's HIV-, go figure. Guess my slut days caught up with me.

So I've been moody. I do have some crying spells. But then I watch Diana's concerts and my spirits are lifted. I listen to Bette Midler's Live at Last cd and I have a smile on my face. I also have Tina Turner and Wham! DVDs to watch. What a faggot.

Oh well, what's a guy to do? Just manage.

Chiflaco out.