Masochist

Okay, here it is in writing. I'm a masochist. I look for pain anywhere.

I made the mistake of typing in gay marriage proposals into You Tube. A flurry of proposals were available. These guys really went out of their way to propose marriage to their significant others.

To add insult to injury, a click lead to gay marriages and first wedding dances. I was mesmerized. I saw so many.

I've been in five relationships and one almost one that never happened but should have. My heart has been broken each time.

But despite all the bad, I still believe in love. I've given my heart several times only to have it lashed on a rock. Don't know what I've done wrong.

I mean, I cook, I bake, I do laundry, I do yard work, I love. Yet my heart has been broken. Maybe I should do windows!

I now realize that that will never happen to me. I'm a middle aged man with a terminal illness. Where am I going to find Mr. Right? Even Mr. Right for the evening.

I think that ship has sailed. I have a lot of love to offer Mr. Right but when will that happen? Guess I have to keep my love to myself.

Don't mean to be a whiner. I just realize that it will never happen. Me? Have a happily ever after? No way. I'm doomed to be on my own. As Charlotte Vale said in Now Voyager, I'm the spinster aunt, every family has one. That's me to a tee.

Let me wallow in my self pity.

Chiflaco out.