Vertigo

Boy where did I go? I can't remember when I wrote last.
Wish I could say all's well but I can't.

Remember a few years ago where I was falling all over San Antonio? It's back and this time I was diagnosed with vertigo. The movie is mild compared to mine.

I'll be sitting doing nothing and all of a sudden I feel it coming on. I get all sweaty, everything gets blurry, and I tingle all over. My knees also start getting wobbly and I always feel like I'm beginning to fall. Same for when I'm walking.

Falling at home is okay because I'm home and nobody can see me. The only problem is if I fall down, I sometimes wind  up unconscious on the floor. Or like the other night I fell down and hit my head on the filing cabinet before I fell. I lay about an hour before attempting to get up.

And through it all, Jean-Luc looks after me. He knows when I feel sick or when I pass out, he stays with me until I come out of it. He's a godsend and a great child. I can't believe next month means we're celebrating seven years together.

The latest is a mixture of wobbly knees and I start walking diagonally or today I was walking at a front angle like I was gonna keel over.

This activity makes me almost become a shut-in. The great thing here is that I don't go out so I don't spend. And then I was wondering why there's money left for the month.

I hope this makes up for my absence.

Chiflaco out.

Fall In The Fall

Looks like it's that time again. I've begun  falling down again. This time I know it's from vertigo. Dr. gave me medication to keep it under control.

It's weird. I'll be going about minding my own business when all of a sudden the room starts spinning and my knees buckle and them poom, I'm on the floor. I've fallen twice in the downtown area.

And yes I'm falling at home. One memorable night I fell down twice. In between I kept laying down catching my breath and  waiting for the spinning to stop. Jean-Luc did the best he could. He lay down next to me and kept pawing at me. He's such a sweetheart.

Chiflaco out.

I Got Carded

Eric flew into town on his broomstick last week. I haven't seen him in 20 years! We've kept in tough via email. Eric is a friend who I can hook up with after years of nothing.         

We worked together at the Central Library or the Enchilada Red Library. It was unusual for us to click because he is a librarian and I'm a low-life Circulation Supervisor.

Anyhoo, we got together Thursday for old times sake. We met at Pegasus a bar on the strip. The guy at the gate actually asked for an ID. I told  him I'm old enough to be his father. But I thanked him for asking.

Walked in the door and immediately saw him. He still looks the same. He's such a character, when he saw me his eyes opened wide and his mouth was in OMG mode. Gotta love him.

We caught up  with each other quickly. I recently gave up drinking and had a bottled water. Hard to believe. And I nursed it the whole time.

We only visited for two hours. He was on a schedule and tried to fit in  as many friends as he could. I love him. We've been through a lot together. And no, he's not HIV-. I actually speak to non HIVers.

He's gonna be here for a wedding next year and he's promised to see me.

Chiflaco out.

Good-bye October

Well. It's been a while for me. My life has been on rewind for this month. My birthday came and went. Just got lab results and everything is great as always. My t-cell count went up and I'm undetectable.

That's really about it. I need some excitement in my life. Oh yeah, my psychiatrist has been asking sexual questions. He talks about sleeping around, hard-ons, kinda creepy. I felt violated. I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

Chiflaco out.

Dental Visit

I went to the dentist today. All went well. I do have and infection and got a script for that. Then I got some pain pills for my mouth. Then hunky Dr. Riley extracted two teeth and they were pain-free thank goodness.

Looks like I'll be having another partial. Gonna have difficulty keeping that partial in place. I can handle the other one.

Seems like I'm getting closer to dentures, I can handle that. I'm a big girl.

I'm just about ready for an overdue nap.

Chiflaco out.

Next Bond?

For some reason, I cannot add a photo. Daniel Craig has already said his outing in SPECTRE will be his last outing as James Bond.

Rumour has it that Tom Hardy is up for the role. Tom is a handsome British actor. You might know him for the remake of Mad Max. There's also rumours that we might have the first Black Bond. We shall see.

Chiflaco out.

Update

Nothing much going on. I'm in a redundant way. Nothing much going on. Everything's normal.

I did have an appointment with my HIV doctor last week. Everything is normal. My t-cell  count went down as usual and I'm still undetectable, that's always nice  to hear. My kidneys and live is doing great. Again I'm the healthiest person I know.

Nothing on the home front. Everything's the same. I did have a doctor's appointment that showed my t-cell count okay and my viral load undetectable. So that's great news. My heart, liver, and kidneys are okay.

Other new: Mike went back to work on the 24th. He's doing okay, he just not have computer access for the time being. We're keeping track of that. He's doing okay and it's a matter of waiting to hear the results of his chemotherapy and radiation. I just want him to be better and a cancer survivor. I can deal with that.

Chiflaco out.

Busy Week

Wow. This has been a busy week. I've actually been out four days this week. Monday I went to SAAF to pick up my bus pass. I only pay $2 for a month of bus rides. I also went to lunch with Mike and he took me to the store afterwards. I bought lots of food. I'm gonna start watching my weight again. I feel fat.

Tuesday I went to the podiatrist. He is such a hottie with his furry chest and baby blues. He shaved about half a pound of callouses and he trimmed my toenails which were ghastly.

Yesterday I went to my psychiatrist only to find out he's out of town. I just came back home and rested.

Today I'm off for lab work. Then I'm off to the library and breakfast since I'm fasting for the labs.

I  feel rest coming on.

Chiflaco out.
 

Bill Cosby Vanity Fair Cover

Please don't hate me. I got this on Facebook and I just had to post it here. It is hilarious.

Chiflaco Out

Mike Update

Nothing much going on with me. I'm on routine mode.

Mike on the other hand has had some problems. He's very weak. He's still having trouble swallowing. He's in pain and very nauseous. Bless his heart.

We haven't spoken in over a week. We do text daily. I do miss talking to him. He is my BFFF after all.

Chiflaco out.

Fuckable

I get a monthly haircut from my fag hag, Natalie. She lives down the hall from me and she loves to coif me monthly. I tell her I want to be fuckable and she manages to respect my wish. I am quite fuckable when she's through with me.

I love being fuckable. Really boosts up my morale. I just texted her that I'm ready for the month. Just gotta see when she's available.

Great to have a fag hag. She's real cool and yes, she's a lesbian and a great friend. I'm so lucky to have her  in my life.

Chiflaco out.

William's Family

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge show off their progeny.

Nothing Going On

Nothing much going on. I've slipped into a routine lately. I wake up and have coffee and toast. I then take my daily walk to the library. I surf the net. Then I take a nap. I have dinner then watch some DVDs. Boring. But that's life on disability.

I've been thinking of my book lately. I finally started writing. It's funny how the words just come out. I'm on chapter one and it goes until 1985, so no Barbara, you're not in it.

We'll see what develops.

Chiflaco out.

Charlotte's Christening

Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana was christened today. They were joined by royals and she has five god-parents. Here's Prince George in a costume reminiscent of his father when he was that age.

Chiflaco out.

Ladies Who Lunch

Went to Jim's with Mike and Tony. I like it there because Mike can find something he can actually swallow. He still has trouble swallowing and can only eat soft foods.

It was a great visit and we laughed a lot of course. Mike was wearing a mask because he didn't want dust going up his throat or nose. He had cheddar soup and scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese.

Tony and I had deserts and Mike got a chocolate chip cookie for the road. Nice to have such wonderful friends. Now to find a husband...

Chiflaco out.

Ladies Who Lunch

Went to brunch with Mike and Tony today. We went to Luther's who just moved across the street.

The food was great as was the ambiance. They had a live trio playing familiar tunes. The food was great except for Mike who had the Eggs Benedict and the English muffin was too tough to cut with a knife. They comped his order.

I like Luther's despite that on drawback. I would till recommend Luther's. I had the Swiss Mushroom burger that was absolutely spectacular. I highly recommend Luther's for a good eating experience.

Chiflaco out.

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE APPROVED!

WE CAN MARRY IN THE 50 STATES!!!!!
I was on Twitter and it exploded big time. And I don't have a boyfriend to make that wish come true for me.

Chiflaco out.

Dental Visit

Went to get my teeth cleaned today. Deedee said my teeth were great. Dr Riley said my teeth  were great. He's  an absolute hottie. When we shake hands we hold it for a long time.


Dr. Riley  is cute. I love holding on to his hand as much as he does. He's a hottie and I fantasize about  him all the time.



Chiflaco out.

Caitlyn's Father's Day

Caitlyn enjoys a Father's Day with her children and step-children. She's also said they can call her Dad.

Birthday Boy

His Royal Hotness Prince William turned 33 yesterday. Here he is with look a like son Prince George.

Chemotherapy and Radiation

Mike started chemotherapy last Friday. So far so good. He started radiation Tuesday. Today he had both. No side effects to speak of.

It does leave him exhausted. Mike is a sweetheart and takes it all in stride. I'm praying for him.

Chiflaco out.

George and Charlotte

They're royally adorable. Photo of Prince George and Princess Charlotte taken by Mom Kate.

Maintenace Woman

Our maintenance man  is a woman. I was shocked. I turned in a work order for my a/c leaking today. Josie showed up and quickly found the trouble. She used an extractor to pick up the excess water and fixed my a/c.

She asked if I've ever been to the Sunset and I said yes. The Sunset was a gay bar from back when. She said she recognized me. And then she asked if I was a regular at Olmos Park. Again she recognized me. And I've always tried to maintain a low profile.

I like her. She's cool. She told me that there was a Pride celebration at the Mercado. I of course won't go. I just don't like crowds anymore. But it's nice to have family close by.

She love Jean-Luc of course and told me that her wife had a cat that preferred her over herself. So much information  was exchanged.

I hope she  works out. I really  like her and she knows what she's doing. I will support her of course.


Chiflaco out.

Hello Caitlyn Jenner

S

This came out yesterday. It was Bruce Jenner's official coming out. She has a spread in Vanity Fair and she looks gorgeous. I told Mike I'd turn lesbian for her.

She also revealed her new name, Caitlyn. I'm looking forward to more from her. She looks nothing like Bruce. She's empowered herself with that name. I hope she finds true happiness.

Chiflaco out.

Ladies Who Lunch

I saw Mike today. He had two appointments hours apart. He took me to lunch in between.

We went to the Mexican Manhattan. It was so funny because one of the managers called me James. Mike thought this was funny and called me a whore. I can't help it if men know me.

We visited at home for about two hours. It was great to see him. He starts chemotherapy Friday. We're hoping he doesn't get any bad reactions. He's thinking hair loss and diarrhea. I'm hoping for the best.

Chiflaco  out.

Urologist

I'm still having plumbing problems. So I went to a urologist. He was hot! What I won't do to get fingered. He said my prostate was okay and saw no reason for my plumbing situation.

He did give me some drug samples. Don't know why he gave me them since I'm allegedly okay.

Chiflaco out.

I saw Mike Today!

Mike called me this morning and asked if I needed to go to the store. Of course I said yes, Jean-Luc needs food and I need Pepsi.

He's looking good. He can talk somewhat, he slurs his words. I only slur when I drink. He lied and said I'm looking good. Best friends are such great liars.

We chatted a lot and got caught up on our lives. Yesterday was exciting for him, he ate actual food. He had a dental appointment and they numbed his mouth and he was able to eat without feeling pain.

He starts chemo/radiation next month. He had his hair shorn short and he said the salon will shave his head for free if his hair falls out due to the chemo. Something to look forward to.

It was a short visit but we'll see each other tomorrow. He's taking me out to lunch. Also will be great to see Tony. I haven't seen them since April.

Chiflaco out.

Mental Health Day

Went to the psychiatrist today. I have to go periodically for my sleeping pills. He seemed very interested in my trip to Paris and my reading everything. Right now I'm reading a memoir of a Holocaust survivor.

Also saw my therapist. She was also interested on the Holocaust. She also said I was an intellectual of all things. I have so much to offer but don't know where to get started.

I recently looked up info on publishing a book. They all say to start with a literary agent which I have. They've actually contacted me and I don't know how they got my number, but they called for more information.

I have a vague outline that I want to turn into a memoir. We'll see what happens.

Chiflaco out.

Yet Another Mike Update

I was pleasantly surprised Friday when I got a call from Mike. He's doing great and we had an actual conversation. He's able to talk a little and he can now eat soup.

He's going to the doctor's this week to get information on radiation and chemotherapy. Also on the agenda is house hunting. He lives in Boerne and he doesn't like it. We're hoping to find a home in the city limits. The joke is it must have a mother-in-law suite for me!

I hope he finds something suitable.

Chiflaco out.

Great Weather!

I'm really enjoy the weather we've been blessed with lately. The weather has been unseasonally cool and I love it. I get to open the window to let some fresh air in the house.

It's so cool that I'm not used to it. I'm used to 80's or 90's weather this time of year. We've been having 70's or low 80's weather.

I just hope this lasts for a long while.

Chiflaco out.

Dr's Visit

Went to the doctor's to get lab results. Everything is fine. Good cholesterol, no diabetes, T-cell count 100, Viral load 480. Kidneys are okay as well as my liver. I'm in good shape.

I did bring up my swollen foot and he gave me a script for that along with a water pill. My foot is okay after yesterday's podiatrist visit.

Chiflaco out.

Almost Humpday

I wish I had something to write about but there's nothing going on. I'm in routine mode. I wake up, have toast and coffee, watch a movie, and nap.

Mike's doing great. We're texting more often now. He actually went to church Sunday. But he says he went home and took a 3-hour nap. His body telling him he needs rest.

I'm not quite sure but I think he said he was going to work Monday. I don't see how. I hope I read his text wrong. I would wait until the radiation to see how I feel. But that's me. I'll call Tony tomorrow and see what's what.

Chiflaco out.

Mike Update

 Mike is doing great. He's at home recuperating. He still can't talk much. He says it hurts to talk. We text each day. And I talk to Tony periodically. We're both concerned as you might imagine.

Wish I could visit but they live in Boerne and there's no bus going out there. I have to rely on text or phone calls. I'll just have to be content with that for now.

Chiflaco out.

Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana

The Royal baby has arrived. Born Saturday 2 May. Prince William and Kate are happy to welcome Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana to the fold.

Her name is significant. Charlotte is the female version of Charles, William's father. Elizabeth in honour of the Queen. Diana in honour of the late Princess Diana.

She is fourth in line to the throne and joins big brother Prince George.

Real excited for the Royals.

Chiflaco out.

Uneventful Week

I didn't do much this weekend. The elevator kept me home for the most part. Same goes for this week. The big to-do was getting my tube taken out. It's great to sleep on my tum like I like to.

I had blood drawn for my labs. And I saw my doctor to get results from my ultrasound. Everything looks good. He is referring me to a urologist. I've been having plumbing problems. He also gave me a new med for my problems. I just hope they work.

Jean-Luc is back to normal. He knew there was something amiss last week. He's able to jump on my lap with no tube in the way. I missed him.

Chiflaco out.

Back In Order

He took the tube out! Yay! I'm pleased. He said I probably got the hernia from the weight loss. Guess fat's the way to be healthy. He also said I should take it easy for the next two weeks.

Also great news. The elevator is working again! No more stairs for this sick bitch. When I came home it was a great relief that it was working again. First thing I did was take out recyclables. I do my part for the environment.

Now I get to sleep comfortably again. And I'm able to tolerate Jean-Luc on my tum again. He's happy too.

Chiflaco out.

Latest Update

The elevator is still out of order. I actually went down today. I went to the library. It was an ordeal but I had to do it. It was murder. I was also available to receive a delivery from my pharmacy.

I came home and passed out. I then went out again to the doctor to have this tube taken out. He was unavailable and I had to reschedule. I also had a late lunch at the Mexican Manhattan.

I also talked to Mike and he might be released tomorrow. Yay. That means I should have my old friend soon. Mary's still coming down tomorrow and help with the transition. I hope he's released and I can have my Mike back. I know Tony's also looking forward to it.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Chiflaco out.

Mike's Going Home Again

Heard from Mike today. We text because he still can't talk. He is going home either today or tomorrow. Either way, we're excited.

His sister will be coming over from Austin to help in the transition. Yay Mary. Yes her name is Mary, although Mike can be called Mary also, among other names.

He said I could go and be a nurse. I replied I would make a good Nurse Ratchet. I'm glad he's going home. I just wish I could talk to him. I miss him.

Chiflaco out.

Elevator Out Of Order---AGAIN!

Yes, the elevator is out of order again. It was out of order last Monday when I had my surgery. I had to schlep eight floors. It was not fun. I got up here out of breath and ready for a nap.

It's out of order again this week and it's still as strenuous as ever. I have a bad left knee and callouses on both feet. It hurts to use the stairs.

I have a doctor's appointment today hopefully to remove my drainage tube. I'm not draining as much and I don't think I need it anymore. Not to mention sleep will be easier for me.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Chiflaco out.

Recuperating

I'm recuperating fine. The best thing is that I'm sleeping well. The pain has subsided but I'm still a bit tender. The bad thing is that Jean-Luc feels out of sorts. He can't jump on my lap as before because he likes to rub against my belly and that's where I'm tender the most.

It hurts to feed him. I have to bend down to fill his dish and it's a pain to do so. We actually had a fight this morning he was so needy. But I let him jump in my lap for some quality time. He'll survive.

Chiflaco out.

Ouch!

I had my surgery today. It went well. I was there about four hours. I just didn't know it was gonna be so painful. My abdomen feels like a ton of bricks. Every movement is painful.

Kinda difficult to find a good position. Don't know how I will sleep tonight. I just know I'm exhausted and in dire need of sleep.

My wonderful nieces picked me up at the hospital. They are so loving and special. I'm blessed to have them in my life. Of course it was love at first sight when I saw them in the nursery.

We share a lot of memories and are still making some new ones. We just went to lunch Saturday and it was a nice visit. I wish I could see them more often but they live on the South side and we don't have as much time together as I'd like. We make due with our quality time.

Chiflaco out.

Bad Boy

I had a grapefruit for breakfast. It was delish!

Chiflaco out.

Latest On Mike

I went to the dental school yesterday. I need to see a periodontist but have to go through the dental school first. They did an examination but were not able to do anything for me because my t-cell count is under 200. Their protocol.

They did refer me to the periodontal school but don't know what their protocol is regarding HIV.

Since I was in the medical center I decided to visit Mike. He's still in ICU and I got to see him. He's doing better but cannot speak for now. He communicates with facial gestures and written notes.

His sister was there with him. She's been an angel. She's been with him all week and guards him like a dog. She's almost ready to go back to work but she worries that he'll be alone.

I only stayed about 15 minutes. He couldn't speak and I got a little uneasy. So long as he knows that I'm still there for him.

Chiflaco out.

Grapefruit

One of the drawbacks of having AIDS is that you can't have grapefruit products. I love grapefruit. Nothing like peeling a grapefruit and enjoying the meat inside.

I was at the store today and they looked gorgeous. They called out to me and medication be damned, I bought two. I love the aroma as I peeled into my fruit. And it was so delicious.

Chiflaco out.

Prayers For Mike

I got home from the doctor to a phone call from Tony. Mike's not doing well. He took a turn for the worst last night and started bleeding again. He was rushed into surgery this morning and he's now in ICU with no visitors allowed. Poor baby.

He's got a long road ahead but he's a fighter and he will pull through. We have so much to look forward too. We just got the Majestic Broadway series and we're looking forward to some musicals coming up.

Please keep Mike in your prayers. It's all appreciated.

Chiflaco out.

Surgery

It's official, it's a hernia. Doctor said it was probably due to my gall bladder surgery. I have surgery Monday morning. It will be out patient so I should be home that afternoon.

What a relief! I was really fearing the worst. I'll take this instead.

Chiflaco out.

Mike Update

Mike went home Friday. He was doing okay but was still uncomfortable. Saturday night he started bleeding. Yesterday, Tony took him to the ER in Boerne.

He was later admitted back to the Methodist in San Antonio. He's still bleeding and still has trouble swallowing. He's still being fed via a feeding tube.

Please pray for him. He needs all the angels around him.

Chiflaco out.

Thanks For The Memories

I just did something painful for me. I said good-bye to cherished memories. I have a MOI folder filled with memories.

I went through the folder and threw away memories that will one day be trash to throw out after I die. I did keep some like cards from my father and wedding invitations and such.

It was poignant going through my memories, but it was something I needed to do. They're only memories that mean something to me.

Chiflaco out.

Exhausted

It's so HOT out there! I'm worn out. Went to get my sonogram today. What a chore. The place is a good five minute drive away, but about thirty minutes by bus.

I got there and did my test and they also too an x-ray which was the first I heard. I went on my merry way and stopped to have breakfast tacos. I got home only to get a phone call to go back for some more testing. That sounds scary.

I just got home again and I'm absolutely fatigued. It's very difficult to walk with my callouses flaring up. And then I have my bad left knee to worry about. I'm walking with a knee brace.

I'm out of breath and ready for a nap. Guess my traveling days are over as well. Won't be able to make it back to Paris and I was planning on Barcelona. Madrid was another place on my bucket list but that's out the door now. I wanted to go to Arevalo Spain, a town just north of Madrid. See where my ancestors came from.

I'm ready for that nap.

Chiflaco out.

Mike Update

I saw Mike yesterday. He's doing great and looks great as well. I was expecting the worst. He's very tired though. He has a lot of recuperating to do.

Tony is looking out after him. Bless his heart. Mike's sister will be coming this weekend to look out after him. I also volunteered to help out. Jean-Luc can do without me for a while.

Just talked to Tony. Hopefully Mike will be released tomorrow. Tony had to learn how to give him his medication and food. Mike's still having trouble swallowing and is using a food tube.

I wish there were more for him but I'm not well either. He means the world to me. He's the brother I always wanted.

Chiflaco out.

Anxious

Went to lunch with Mike and Tony today. The day before Mike's surgery. He looks okay but I'm to one that is anxious. I think that's why I'm feeling nauseous. I've been drinking Maalox all afternoon and had bouts of diarrhea.

I guess that's why I'm not feeling well. Mike has an optimistic look on the whole thing as well he should. We joke constantly about it. It's only cancer we say and chortle. I won't be able to go to the hospital tomorrow but I made Tony promise periodically with updates.

One would think I'd be anxious over my travails. I still have a tumor/hernia to worry about. It's one or the other and only leads to surgery.

Then there's my dental visit. The hygienist said everything looked okay from my x-rays. Then she opened my mouth and started prodding. It hurt like hell. She said OMG several times and I bled a lot. Dr. Riley checked me over and said that it's URGENT I go to a periodontist. Ouch! I now have that chore to look forward to.

But for now, please think positive things for Mike. I don't pray but I've got my family praying for him. I worry, that's what mothers do and I've been a mother for a long time. I just want him to come through this hiccup okay.

Chiflaco out.

April Fools

I heard from Mike today. They're moving his surgery up by a week. He said the doctor wanted to go in there as soon as possible. I kept waiting for him to say April Fools.

Mike is the bestest friend ever. We've been through a lot together. He was there when I was in the hospital and I was there for him. Now he lives out of town and I don't think I can care for him like I'd like to.

He sounds great. He's seeing the bright side of things which is great. He sounds like he's looking forward to the surgery and getting himself back to normal. Normal is not an adjective used by AIDS patients. He sounds like he will survive and I can only pray for that.

I love him.

Chiflaco out.

THE ITCH

Don't know if I've blogged about this already. One of the other travails I've been plaqued with lately is itching.

I am one major itch monster. I scratch all over the place. I even have some scratches for proof.

Then I remembered about oatmeal. They say to bathe in oatmeal for soothing itches. I'm not about to try that, I hate oats!

I found good old fashioned oatmeal soap. It smells great and leaves my skin exceptionally smooth. I really feel better all around. An added bonus.

Chiflaco out.

Bad Things Good People

Why do bad things happen to good people? It's a question that will haunt us for a lifetime.

I heard from my friend Barbara. She also had a near-death experience. Bless her heart she managed to avoid a collision and she almost hit a man, but she is intelligent.

Then there's poor Mike. He just got diagnosed with esophageal cancer. He's gonna have some surgeries and then radiation treatments. We're all down about it but we're making light of the situation. I love Mike like the brother I never had. I expect nothing but great results.

Chiflaco out.

Missing the Cool Weather

It started already. I hate it. Hot weather has finally appeared in SA. It's 76 in my apartment with the a/c on. They're supposed to fix it soon but our manager has too many days off and we don't have a maintenance man.

This was a cool winter. It never got freezing cold for me. I did not turn on the heater again this year. There were days when I had the window open to let some of the cool air in.

Up to last week we still had cool weather. It was in the 60's outside and 70's inside. I miss that. Now I have to deal with the unrelenting heat that is San Antonio.

It's only seven months until we get great weather again.

Chiflaco out.

Dental Visit

I went to the dentist for a cleaning today. I was a bloody mess. After my cleaning my bib was splashed with bloody splats alee over the place. It looked like a Jackson Pollok painting!

Sexy Dr. Riley said they've done all they can and referred my to a periodontist. I'm in need of help. I've only been asking for this for the past 11 years.

Now I got to follow up on this problem. More later.

Chiflaco out.

Doctors Appointments

I had a busy morning today. I was almost killed in front of my building. And then I went to my sexy furry podiatrist. He is hot and I love his furry chest. We talked hammertoe surgery and he pared of my  callouses.

Then I went to my doctor with a list of things. My dizziness might be allergies. He gave me a script for that. My bathroom problems might be me getting used to my meds again. He also upped my prostate medication as well.

The final thing with my doctor, I've noticed a bump under my belly button. It scared me this weekend when I felt it. But he said it might be a hernia and requested for more tests on it. Of course I thought the worse and wanted to test no matter what. I'm going to see a specialist about it.

I've had a busy day and anxious and ready for a nap.

Chiflaco out.

Near Death Experience

I didn't see this one coming. I was at the crosswalk on Travis waiting to cross the street. I got the walk sign looked both ways like always and started crossing the street.

About a third of the way, cars started honking. The cars that had the right of way stopped and were honking. Some moron in an SUV on the phone came out of nowhere and swerved to miss the cars and barely avoided hitting me. He came so close I could see his face. 

And he just kept on talking. I literally saw my life flash in front of me. That was depressing. All I could think of was my Dad. There's a saying that's appropriate for times like this, Cosa Mala Nunca Muere! Bad things never die. And I didn't.

I went off the rest of the day after my heart stopped beating fast and went to my appointments.

Chiflaco out.  

Dizzy Queen

My  latest problem is dizziness. I've been dizzy  for the past week. I'm dizzy all day long, and there are times when I feel like I'm about to pass out. I also have severe headaches. No amount of meds gets rid of those.

I did make an appointment with my doctor, but that's two days away. And then there are times when I feel like my knees are about to buckle under me. I just now spent two hours in bed I was so out of it.

I have to run errands but I'm so afraid to go out and pass out somewhere. As usual I will survive.

Chiflaco out.

What a Whiner!

Bathroom Problems. I miss January and February when I had diarrhea. Now I'm constipated. I think it's because I'm taking my meds again. I do try laxatives with a stool softener but it's not working.

I did have a couple of movements this week but it wasn't due to the laxative. I produced some rock-hard turds. These things are like cement. They sink directly down to the commode. And then I have to triple flush. And then the commode took two days to function properly.

Weather. For the most part I love these cool mornings. But while it's 65 outside, it's 76 in my apartment and that's with the a/c on! My saving grace is that when I was having problems last May, management loaned my a window unit. And that really helps a lot. I turn it on at night because it just gets so hot.

Chiflaco out.

Back to 'Normal'

I'm finally sleeping again. But it takes a while to fall asleep. My psychiatrist told me to take them before I go to sleep. It didn't work. I'm now taking them at 7 p.m. Doesn't work. Last night I was up until midnight before laying down. I lay in bed until 2 a.m. when I got up for a glass of water.

The latest I've woken up has been 10 a.m. They really knock me out. I finally set my phone for 8 a.m. It is nice to sleep again.

I'm still constipated. So far it's been five days. Maybe I should stop taking my meds and live with the diarrhea. Just a thought.

Chiflaco out.

Meds

I finally got my meds. I started taking them Sunday morning. The weird thing is that now I am constipated. Most AIDS patients have diarrhea with the cocktail. I have to be different.

An agency used to pay my co-pays. They've changed their policy and now I have to pay my co-pays. It's not much but I could use that money somewhere else.

Now for the sleeping situation. Ambien was just not working for me anymore. My psychiatrist wrote me a script for Trozodone. Each tablet is 150 mgs. He told me to take one before bedtime and if that doesn't work, take two.

I took two. I started yawning after 30 minutes so I went to bed. I just lay there. I was there for about two hours and then it was 10,30 a.m.! The tablets work. I do wake up groggy but I'm sleeping again.

The only problem is falling asleep. No matter what time I take the pills, I don't fall asleep until after 11 or midnight. Last night I took them at 8. I went to bed at 10,30 and I lay there for a while. I still didn't fall until 11 or midnight.

Oh well. At least I'm getting sleep. And I haven't napped since. I was so used to those naps but my body doesn't need them anymore.

Chiflaco out.

Busy Day

I'm exhausted. Went to the therapist today for an assessment to see the psychiatrist. She said my sweats might be hormonal and suggested I talk to the psychiatrist or PCP.

She got me through to the psychiatrist today. He prescribed an alternative sleeping medication. Of course I forgot the name but I took the script to the pharmacy.

Then I went to the clinic. Dr. Martinez was kind of pissed that the case manager there was not able to help me with my meds. He did say the sweats might be because I haven't been taking my psych meds. He wrote me scripts for everything.

He did say everything was just about normal. All my organs are okay. My t-cell count went up from 89 to 125, that's good. The bad part was my viral load. It went from undetectable to 60,000! That was because I haven't taken my meds for two months.

I did forget to mention my libido which is way up. Tony says I got a good cell count because of all the sex. I just can't seem to get enough.

I then went to Oasis for their fabulous mole enchiladas. Not bad for $6.95. Enchiladas, rice, beans, salad and tea. I was happy.

Then I went to the pharmacy with all my scripts and new insurance card. I feel so relieved to get that back into swing.

I came home and took some Ibuprofen and lay down for about thirty minutes. I'm one tired boy. Something tells me I'll be getting a good night's sleep. Not to mention the fact that I didn't nap today.

Chiflaco out.

Joel

Today would have been Joel's 53rd birthday. He was my high school sweetheart. He died ten years ago. I miss him.

He had AIDS also. I still remember when he told me. We went to the movies and he told me in the parking lot. We didn't see a movie. He cried so much and we promised to be there for each other.

When he passed I was in Michigan. I got a call from his boyfriend and we arranged his funeral. I promised to go. Joel and I had promised to be there for each other's funerals.

Steve did not let me come down. That really pissed me off. I should have come down.

Joel was only 16 when we met. It was love at first sight. We went to the zoo with some friends that Saturday. He was a real gentleman. When he'd come over he'd talk to my Dad and would tell him what we would be doing and when he'd have me home. My Dad really liked him.

I still go by the Japanese Garden in Breckenridge Park where he carved our initials. They're still there. We were together only two years but we were life long friends. It's always best to love a friend.

I wish he were there when I found out about myself. He would have taken care of me like I took care of him. I will hopefully seen him soon.

Chiflaco out.

Allegic To Jean-Luc

I've had three 'dates' that are allergic to cats. Oh the dilemma. Should I get rid of Jean-Luc? Is sex more important than my beloved?

We know the answer. Sex is great buy Jean-Luc is the world to me. They can survive.

Chiflaco out.

Sleeping Again

I can really get used to this. I'm sleeping again. I think the combination of drugs I'm taking at night are working. I lay down at the same time and get up at the same time.

The vivid dreams have stopped. I was having some whoppers. I still wake up with severe bad breath. I'm brushing my teeth before I got to bed and in the morning.

I get up and feed Jean-Luc. I have my priorities correct. Then I get coffee going and have toast. I'm still not eating.

The diarrhea has stopped. Wonder where that was coming from since I wasn't eating. I'm having regular bowel movements now. Again, why?

My clothes fit lose but I'm not going out to buy new clothes just yet.

My sex life is great. I've been meeting some interesting men. I'm more sexually active than I've been in over twenty years. I do play safe although some of them don't want to. So I turn those down. Don't want to spread my Michigan souvenir.

Chiflaco out.

Downton Abbey

My friend Greg got me hooked on Downton Abbey. It's a series on PBS about a family at the turn of the century in England.

I've watched all the seasons and got to watch the current season through Netflix. I think it's the series finale. All the stories were wrapped up and there was no season cliff hanger. I cried.

Chiflaco out.

I Slept!

Two nights in a row. I hope this is a trend. All I can think of is that the drug combination I'm taking is finally taking hold. The only problem is I wake up with severe bad breath and run to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Yesterday I woke up at 4 a.m. and brushed and went back to bed.

I'm still in heat. Don't know why I'm so hot. The night sweats are a pain. Last night I pulled off the covers I was so hot and I had the AC on.

This morning when I took out the recyclables it was nice and cold out. I came up turned off the AC and opened the windows. It was 61 in my apartment and I actually felt comfortable.

Nothing much else going on. I'm watching Queer As Folk again. That was such a great series. JR says I remind him of Brian Kinney if you know which character that is. He's the cynical one and I do see a lot of myself in him.

Jean-Luc is okay. I wish I were him the way he sleeps all the time. He likes to get on my chest in the morning so I can feed him. He just eats and sleeps and naps on my lap. He does sleep with me all the time. I'm awake in the middle of the night and he's snoring away next to me. True love.

Chiflaco out.

Update

The update is there is no change. I get maybe two or three hours of sleep at night. And that's very restless sleep. I do take a nap in the day that is very satisfying. I still need sleep.

The Ambien doesn't work anymore and I've run out. I can't get any until next month. I am taking a mixture of Exedrin PM, melatonin, and Nyquil sleeping tablets. I down them with wine and I still can't sleep. Don't know what I did wrong to deserve this.

I really wish I were dead. There's just no reason for me to be alive. I even find sex boring. And I've been getting plenty of that! I have no interest in movies. And I haven't felt like reading in ages. The last book I read was The Fault in The Stars and it's just like the movie.

I have no appetite to speak of. I have toast with coffee in the morning. And then I have a meal in the afternoon. I don't eat much because I feel bloated afterwards. I feel like I want to puke and my stomach feels enlarged.

And the heat! Mike says I'm going through menopause. I perspire all day and I can't keep the apartment cool enough. I am having night sweats. The sheets cling to me. I'm hot and cold at the same time. The other night I was burning up and my feet were freezing. I got up and put on some woolen socks.

I want my life back. I have actually thought of returning to work but what's the point? I'm in the bathroom a lot and I lose concentration. Girl, I wouldn't hire me.

Oh well, time for the daily vodka induced nap. That's something I look forward to every day.

Chiflaco out.

No Change

I'm still not sleeping. It'll be a month this week. I've got major bags under my eyes. I lay down every night at the same time and just toss and turn.

I do take naps though. I drink two shots of vodka and that knocks me out for a couple of hours. I wake up all drugged and have no energy or interest in anything.

I try to watch movies but I'm just not interested. I did see John Wick with Keanu Reeves that was really great. It actually caught my interest and I got into the film.

The other thing is I finally got my prescription coverage back. Apparently I signed up for the VA package that doesn't have coverage because they give the medications for free. My coverage starts on March 1 and I'm looking forward to it.

Nothing else much going on. Oh, I have met some great men on growlr. I've had some interesting 'dates.' Now I can't seem to get enough.

Chiflaco out.

No Change

Still not sleeping. I do take daily naps though. I take Unisom with a shot of vodka each afternoon and that allows me to take naps. At night I take shots of Nyquil but don't know if it works or not.

Regardless, I'm still not sleeping. My naps do make up for my lack of sleep but I still need a full 8 hours. I'm not eating have a severe headache and am nauseous for the time being.

I do like the weight loss but know I'm losing weight for the wrong reasons. I have no apatite to speak of and only eat like once a day right now.

I have a roaring headache and I'm very tired of it. I want sleep. I'm also eating less. I've lost some weight and am glad of it but it's also not healthy weight loss. I want my life back.

Chiflaco out.

Insomnia 2

Still not sleeping. It's really driving me crazy. I lay down in bed and just toss and turn. Yesterday morning I took some Nyquil and was able to take a nap.

Mike told me about melatonin. It's an herbal supplement that's a sleeping aid. It really hasn't worked that I can tell. I took two last night with a shot of Nyquil and I did pass out. I still need a lot of sleep.

I'm suffering all over. I have a lack of appetite that I welcome. I've lost some weight because of this lack of sleep. And I go from diarrhea to constipation if you can believe that. I welcome the diarrhea just to clean out my system. Mike got a bit upset and told me to take Imodium which I did.

Still haven't heard anything about my scripts. In the meantime I'm not taking any meds. I've run out. I got used to the routine and now there's nothing.

I just want to sleep. I have a constant headache and I'm shaking again. For some reason I'm sweating up a storm. I can't find a constant temperature and have day sweats now. I just can't keep clean either. I always feel dirty. I can't take enough showers.

Chiflaco out.

Insomnia

I  haven't slept since last Monday. For some reason I can't fall asleep. It's driving me crazy. I'm dizzy, cranky, light headed. I am eating less for some reason and my belt is fitting looser.

I go with the motions of sleeping. I go to bed at the usual time and just lie in bed staring into the night. I try all my usual sleeping positions but nothing helps. I ran ot of Ambien also not that that was helping much. I was still taking it and it was not working.

I don't think I'm stressed out about anything. Nothing bothers me. I bought some over the counter sleeping pills and of course they're not working. The drinking isn't helping either. You would think I'd sleep well with my nightly glasses of wine. But that doesn't work either.

Added to this I'm eating less which is a godsend. My jeans are looser than usual and I've gone down a notch in my belt. I just want to sleep and get my body back in check.

Chiflaco out.

PPO Problems

I've had Humana HMO for about seven years. Last year, my doctor was not listed in their network and I  was given another doctor as my PCP. For some reason, my doctor is on Humana PPO, so I changed over to it.

Okay, now I have my HIV doctor as my PCP. Problem is, I don't get prescription coverage. Just found that out last week when I tried to order refills. I talked to Humana and there's nothing I can do until open enrollment in November!

My clinic suggested I make an appointment with their case manager and she might be able to help me somehow. The clinic has a pharmacy that I have used in the past but for some reason they're not letting me do it this time around.

So I'm almost out of meds and don't know what I'm gonna do.

As if that wasn't bad enough, my glasses broke yesterday. And Jean-Luc gnawed through my phone charger cord. Not a great way to start a new year. This has really put a damper on my plans for the week.

When it rains...

Chiflaco out.