Angst

So I woke up today full of energy and euphoria because of a great film and play. I finally went to the store this morning and had a wonderful lunch.

Mess rang me up and asked if I was going to our support group today, I’ve been avoiding it for the past few weeks because of my depression. I told him I didn’t know yet. I hadn’t planned on going, I just haven’t felt part of the group for some time now.

So I took a nap and was awakened by Hush Puppy leaving a message on my machine to go to group. We hadn’t seen each other in almost a month and since he was making chicken pot pie, I kinda felt obligated to go.

So I’m walking to the bus stop when I see the bank sign flashing today’s date, November 22, 2009. Sure it’s another day, but it’s also the day my sister died and the flood of memories surged to haunt me and bring me down. I should have walked home after that. But something made me go anyway.

The group’s dynamics have changed a lot and I just wanted to leave. Hush Puppy asked how I was doing and I told him I wanted to go home and looked at the clock and said its closer to leaving though. Time just dragged very slowly for me.

I had told Hush Puppy I was gonna quit the group for a few months anyway. It’s not like I’m an essential part of the group. I’m not getting the support out of it also, so why bother?

Hey sometimes I have to be selfish and take care of Chiflado. So I’m gonna lay low again for a few more weeks or months.