Masochist

Okay, here it is in writing. I'm a masochist. I look for pain anywhere.

I made the mistake of typing in gay marriage proposals into You Tube. A flurry of proposals were available. These guys really went out of their way to propose marriage to their significant others.

To add insult to injury, a click lead to gay marriages and first wedding dances. I was mesmerized. I saw so many.

I've been in five relationships and one almost one that never happened but should have. My heart has been broken each time.

But despite all the bad, I still believe in love. I've given my heart several times only to have it lashed on a rock. Don't know what I've done wrong.

I mean, I cook, I bake, I do laundry, I do yard work, I love. Yet my heart has been broken. Maybe I should do windows!

I now realize that that will never happen to me. I'm a middle aged man with a terminal illness. Where am I going to find Mr. Right? Even Mr. Right for the evening.

I think that ship has sailed. I have a lot of love to offer Mr. Right but when will that happen? Guess I have to keep my love to myself.

Don't mean to be a whiner. I just realize that it will never happen. Me? Have a happily ever after? No way. I'm doomed to be on my own. As Charlotte Vale said in Now Voyager, I'm the spinster aunt, every family has one. That's me to a tee.

Let me wallow in my self pity.

Chiflaco out.

Food Stamps

Don't know if I blogged about it. For some reason, I got an additional dollar in food stamps. That's $16 a month now. What a thrill.

Lab Results

Got my lab results this morning. My t-cell count went down again, this time to 89. And I'm almost undetectable. He prefers that I'm undetectable. The doctors pay more attention to the viral load.

He did say it might have been low because I was sick when they drew blood two weeks ago. That's when I was home sick and with my swollen knee.

Everything else is good. No diabetes, no high blood pressure. Just the bad knee and shoulder. My knee is doing a whole lot better. I'm still using the brace and cane to be on the safe side. I start out okay, but then the pain sneaks in and I'm in pain again.

Chiflaco out.

Schlepping Around

I'm exhausted. Went to the podiatrist this morning. He pared off some of my callouses. He also said I should consider surgery on my hammer toes. Who knew I had them? He could have said something earlier. Gotta think about it. He did say if I had the surgery I wouldn't have that much trouble with the callouses.

It was cold this morning. I wore my trench coat, scarf, gloves, and cap. I also wore my quad cane to be on the safe side. I'm doing okay but you never know. It got warmer during my running around. I really didn't need all of this after a while.

Went to the mall while I was out. I needed a pair of jeans and trousers for the theatre. Also found a belt and got my Dream Guys calendar for next year. One of my neighbours has commented that I always have a different guy up for each month. Duh? Of course. Most of the Mexican calendars have one picture with removable months. Girl, I'm in the US and we have a hottie a month. Wish I did!

Just got home and took an ibuprofen to help with the pain. The old gray mare just ain't what she used to be...

Chiflaco out.

Busy Weekend

When it rains...Went to lunch with the family yesterday. Celebrated Larry and Oscar's birthdays. Yeah, we did the Chinese buffet again. We're regulars. We get together once a month just to see each other. Barbara and Debra see each other all the time, but I don't get to see them at all.

Mike called today and told me we had a lunch date. That was the first I heard about it. I won't say no. He and Tony picked me up after church. We went to Luther's where we had our favourite server hovering above us.

Javier is great. Keeps on top of everything and keeps smiles on our faces. I had the mushroom Swiss burger and it was scrumptious. Tony decided to order me dessert and I was forced to eat it. It was a Chocolate Heaven or something like that. A warm lava cake with ice cream and whipped cream. I hate Tony. But he already knows.

Chiflaco out.

Last Batch

Okay, this is officially my last batch of tamales! My arms are killing me. Plus I ran out of masa. Guess I'll have to go to the store to get some more and that will be my last batch.

Thank gawd I took an ibuprofen before I started. I think it helped.

Taking a break before getting back to them...

Chiflaco out.

Tamales

I'm making my first batch of tamales for the year. It might also be my last batch ever. Sure they're easy but it's still a lot of work. But it's so worth it when you bite into them and they're so tasty.

I have the husks soaking now. I made the meat yesterday and it tastes fabulous. I'm making pork and chicken tamales. Debra prefers the chicken. I'm also making some cheese tamales. Never heard of them but apparently my sister makes them and Barbara and Debra love them, so being the chifladas that they are, they're getting their favorites.

My knee is doing better but standing isn't helping any. I don't have a table so I'm doing the work on my limited counter space. I got it down pat.

Got the dough just right. I should have tamales for dinner. But they're better for breakfast. And of course they're better the day after. I remember Mom heating them up in a skillet with a little bit of water. Nowadays we nuke them and they just don't taste the same.

Chiflaco out.

Great Weather!

We're finally getting some great weather. It's in the 50's and windy. Just got back from the store. I'm in a tamale making mood so I went to get pork and masa to make a batch. I'm excited and looking forward to the tasty devils.

I did use my brace and quad cane and I'm paying for it. My knee pain has flared up. Well at least I'm in for the day. Maybe tomorrow also. All I have to do is stand up to make them. If I had a table I'd sit down and make them but I have such little counter space.

Chiflaco out.

Better

And just like that, the pain stopped. Don't know what happened but I woke up feeling better. My knee is not hurting. I'm still using the brace and cane to be on the safe side.

I know me and I will walk around without the cane and the pain will return. No sir, I'm using the cane. Great to be back, almost.

Knee Problems

The swelling went down for about two days but it came back yesterday. I'm still walking with my brace and quad cane.

I actually went to the library today. Picked up some DVDs to keep me entertained since I'm stuck home. There's so much I want to do but can't.

Mike wants me to go to the ER. But I'm afraid I will get admitted and who will look out for Jean-Luc? What an excuse.

Getting ready for another nap...

Chiflaco  out.

Exhausted!

I push myself. I went to do lab work this morning. I got my quad cane so I was happy with that. I also used my knee brace. It was murder getting on the trolley. I can only imagine what it would have been last week.

I was gonna do some running around but my knee said otherwise. I just came back home but stopped for breakfast and got some tacos for dinner.

Just took my ibuprofen and I'm going to bed. I'm tired of this. This is not fun. At least I have some DVDs to watch. No fun being at home for no reason. Guess I'll do an errand a day.

Chiflaco out.

When It Rains...

Don't think I've mentioned this before. Victoria is a neighbor who is a chef at the San Antonio Country Club. She's always cooking and sending food over.

Natalie is her partner and she is studying to be a beautician, so I get my hair done for free. She's also my fag hag and Victoria was Eddie's fag hag. Keep it in the family, huh?

They had a function at the country club and they usually throw away food. Victoria brought home some sweets and Natalie just brought some over! Talk about luck. And I was just gonna fix myself a pbnj.

Chiflaco out.

Oreo Heaven Again-NOT!

Just got back from Walgreens. Mike and Tony picked me up and we went to the library, Luther's for lunch, and Walgreens for my cane. I'm exhausted.

So there we were at Luther's and I decided dessert for them. Turns out they have Oreo Heaven also! No, I didn't get one. My tum's still acting up and I didn't want to risk it. I just had a Philly that was delicious.

We then went to Walgreens where I found the perfect cane. I could have walked out of the store with it but I didn't. Mike and Tony also brought me the chicken and dumplings and the added bonus of tuna casserole, and a slice of cake. I'm all set for the next few days. Again, I am blessed.

Chiflaco out.

Sicko Update

Yep, I'm still under the weather. Yesterday was especially stressful. For some reason I was cold and spent the day under the covers. My knee is still giving me problems but it seems to feel better today.

Jean-Luc has been a godsend. He was with me in bed all day long. He looks at me and he knows there's something wrong. This morning he woke me up by jumping on my chest. He's such a sweetheart.

Did my running around Friday. Tony came over and drove me around. I took him to Jim's where he talked me into having dessert. I normally don't make it to dessert because I'm stuffed from lunch or dinner. I wound up having an Oreo Heaven I think it was. Picture a warm brownie topped with a scoop of ice cream topped with whipped cream! It was covered in Oreo crumbs with warm chocolate fudge.

Don't know how I ate it but I did. It was delish. I hate Tony for talking me into it but I didn't complain.

Mike and Tony are coming over today. Mike is very worried about me and he's bringing me some chicken and dumplings. He makes a great batch. I asked him to take me to Walgreen's to buy a new cane with the four legs. I'm just so afraid I'm gonna fall with my regular cane. I'll be sturdier with the new cane.

I told Debra about my plight and she told Barbara and now they're concerned about me as well. Of course they say if I need anything to call. I might just take them up on it. I can take the bus to the store and call them to pick me up on the way to work.

I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful and caring people in my life. A long time ago I came up with the term framily, a combination of friends and family. I've since seen the term used by everybody else. I started a trend and didn't know it.

Chiflaco out.