Allegic To Jean-Luc

I've had three 'dates' that are allergic to cats. Oh the dilemma. Should I get rid of Jean-Luc? Is sex more important than my beloved?

We know the answer. Sex is great buy Jean-Luc is the world to me. They can survive.

Chiflaco out.

Sleeping Again

I can really get used to this. I'm sleeping again. I think the combination of drugs I'm taking at night are working. I lay down at the same time and get up at the same time.

The vivid dreams have stopped. I was having some whoppers. I still wake up with severe bad breath. I'm brushing my teeth before I got to bed and in the morning.

I get up and feed Jean-Luc. I have my priorities correct. Then I get coffee going and have toast. I'm still not eating.

The diarrhea has stopped. Wonder where that was coming from since I wasn't eating. I'm having regular bowel movements now. Again, why?

My clothes fit lose but I'm not going out to buy new clothes just yet.

My sex life is great. I've been meeting some interesting men. I'm more sexually active than I've been in over twenty years. I do play safe although some of them don't want to. So I turn those down. Don't want to spread my Michigan souvenir.

Chiflaco out.

Downton Abbey

My friend Greg got me hooked on Downton Abbey. It's a series on PBS about a family at the turn of the century in England.

I've watched all the seasons and got to watch the current season through Netflix. I think it's the series finale. All the stories were wrapped up and there was no season cliff hanger. I cried.

Chiflaco out.

I Slept!

Two nights in a row. I hope this is a trend. All I can think of is that the drug combination I'm taking is finally taking hold. The only problem is I wake up with severe bad breath and run to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Yesterday I woke up at 4 a.m. and brushed and went back to bed.

I'm still in heat. Don't know why I'm so hot. The night sweats are a pain. Last night I pulled off the covers I was so hot and I had the AC on.

This morning when I took out the recyclables it was nice and cold out. I came up turned off the AC and opened the windows. It was 61 in my apartment and I actually felt comfortable.

Nothing much else going on. I'm watching Queer As Folk again. That was such a great series. JR says I remind him of Brian Kinney if you know which character that is. He's the cynical one and I do see a lot of myself in him.

Jean-Luc is okay. I wish I were him the way he sleeps all the time. He likes to get on my chest in the morning so I can feed him. He just eats and sleeps and naps on my lap. He does sleep with me all the time. I'm awake in the middle of the night and he's snoring away next to me. True love.

Chiflaco out.

Update

The update is there is no change. I get maybe two or three hours of sleep at night. And that's very restless sleep. I do take a nap in the day that is very satisfying. I still need sleep.

The Ambien doesn't work anymore and I've run out. I can't get any until next month. I am taking a mixture of Exedrin PM, melatonin, and Nyquil sleeping tablets. I down them with wine and I still can't sleep. Don't know what I did wrong to deserve this.

I really wish I were dead. There's just no reason for me to be alive. I even find sex boring. And I've been getting plenty of that! I have no interest in movies. And I haven't felt like reading in ages. The last book I read was The Fault in The Stars and it's just like the movie.

I have no appetite to speak of. I have toast with coffee in the morning. And then I have a meal in the afternoon. I don't eat much because I feel bloated afterwards. I feel like I want to puke and my stomach feels enlarged.

And the heat! Mike says I'm going through menopause. I perspire all day and I can't keep the apartment cool enough. I am having night sweats. The sheets cling to me. I'm hot and cold at the same time. The other night I was burning up and my feet were freezing. I got up and put on some woolen socks.

I want my life back. I have actually thought of returning to work but what's the point? I'm in the bathroom a lot and I lose concentration. Girl, I wouldn't hire me.

Oh well, time for the daily vodka induced nap. That's something I look forward to every day.

Chiflaco out.

No Change

I'm still not sleeping. It'll be a month this week. I've got major bags under my eyes. I lay down every night at the same time and just toss and turn.

I do take naps though. I drink two shots of vodka and that knocks me out for a couple of hours. I wake up all drugged and have no energy or interest in anything.

I try to watch movies but I'm just not interested. I did see John Wick with Keanu Reeves that was really great. It actually caught my interest and I got into the film.

The other thing is I finally got my prescription coverage back. Apparently I signed up for the VA package that doesn't have coverage because they give the medications for free. My coverage starts on March 1 and I'm looking forward to it.

Nothing else much going on. Oh, I have met some great men on growlr. I've had some interesting 'dates.' Now I can't seem to get enough.

Chiflaco out.

No Change

Still not sleeping. I do take daily naps though. I take Unisom with a shot of vodka each afternoon and that allows me to take naps. At night I take shots of Nyquil but don't know if it works or not.

Regardless, I'm still not sleeping. My naps do make up for my lack of sleep but I still need a full 8 hours. I'm not eating have a severe headache and am nauseous for the time being.

I do like the weight loss but know I'm losing weight for the wrong reasons. I have no apatite to speak of and only eat like once a day right now.

I have a roaring headache and I'm very tired of it. I want sleep. I'm also eating less. I've lost some weight and am glad of it but it's also not healthy weight loss. I want my life back.

Chiflaco out.

Insomnia 2

Still not sleeping. It's really driving me crazy. I lay down in bed and just toss and turn. Yesterday morning I took some Nyquil and was able to take a nap.

Mike told me about melatonin. It's an herbal supplement that's a sleeping aid. It really hasn't worked that I can tell. I took two last night with a shot of Nyquil and I did pass out. I still need a lot of sleep.

I'm suffering all over. I have a lack of appetite that I welcome. I've lost some weight because of this lack of sleep. And I go from diarrhea to constipation if you can believe that. I welcome the diarrhea just to clean out my system. Mike got a bit upset and told me to take Imodium which I did.

Still haven't heard anything about my scripts. In the meantime I'm not taking any meds. I've run out. I got used to the routine and now there's nothing.

I just want to sleep. I have a constant headache and I'm shaking again. For some reason I'm sweating up a storm. I can't find a constant temperature and have day sweats now. I just can't keep clean either. I always feel dirty. I can't take enough showers.

Chiflaco out.

Insomnia

I  haven't slept since last Monday. For some reason I can't fall asleep. It's driving me crazy. I'm dizzy, cranky, light headed. I am eating less for some reason and my belt is fitting looser.

I go with the motions of sleeping. I go to bed at the usual time and just lie in bed staring into the night. I try all my usual sleeping positions but nothing helps. I ran ot of Ambien also not that that was helping much. I was still taking it and it was not working.

I don't think I'm stressed out about anything. Nothing bothers me. I bought some over the counter sleeping pills and of course they're not working. The drinking isn't helping either. You would think I'd sleep well with my nightly glasses of wine. But that doesn't work either.

Added to this I'm eating less which is a godsend. My jeans are looser than usual and I've gone down a notch in my belt. I just want to sleep and get my body back in check.

Chiflaco out.

PPO Problems

I've had Humana HMO for about seven years. Last year, my doctor was not listed in their network and I  was given another doctor as my PCP. For some reason, my doctor is on Humana PPO, so I changed over to it.

Okay, now I have my HIV doctor as my PCP. Problem is, I don't get prescription coverage. Just found that out last week when I tried to order refills. I talked to Humana and there's nothing I can do until open enrollment in November!

My clinic suggested I make an appointment with their case manager and she might be able to help me somehow. The clinic has a pharmacy that I have used in the past but for some reason they're not letting me do it this time around.

So I'm almost out of meds and don't know what I'm gonna do.

As if that wasn't bad enough, my glasses broke yesterday. And Jean-Luc gnawed through my phone charger cord. Not a great way to start a new year. This has really put a damper on my plans for the week.

When it rains...

Chiflaco out.

Happy Holidays

Boy these holidays went by quick. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, and tomorrow is New Year's Eve. I didn't even get to mail out holiday cards this year. It just didn't feel right for some reason.

Update on me, I'm doing great. After a bad October, I am now walking without a cane again. I still get nervous. It just happened so randomly. I'm afraid to move sometimes because I'm afraid it'll come back.

I had a severe case of allergies recently. I was dripping incessantly and my nose was raw from too much blowing. Not that kind of blowing!

Jean-Luc is doing great. He's such a loving cat. I've never had a cat as loveable as him. When guests come over, he runs up and greets them and purrs and prances all over.

I was naughty this holiday. Tony introduced me to a dating app for gay men. Wow, there are some hot men out there. I've actually gone on several dates that led elsewhere :-) Yes I'm playing safe. I just had no idea I was that flexible. I feel young and invigorated. I've been out of the loop for about 10 years, so I figure I'm due for some fun.

One thing with these guys, they're in such great shape and I'm not. I'm shapeless. I lost all that weight then gained 20 lbs. and I'm just not happy with how I look. I've decided to get back on the wagon and lose some more weight. I went to the store today and got salad fixings. I think that's what caused my weight loss in the first place.

I want to get back to the gym. I have free membership with Humana. I'm just afraid I'm gonna break down again. That was so not fun. I hated being homebound and walking with a cane, and a quad cane at that.

I have to face that fear. I also want to get back in the pool. I've lost weight before thanks to the pool and I'm hoping to get that going again. I have a doctor's prescription so I'll be able to do it for free. I just have to schlep to the Natatorium which is across from my old high school. Memories.

New Year's is always a bummer for me. My sister would have been 75 next year. I used to spend it with her and I'd buy the cheap champagne she loved and we'd drink it at midnight. If I wasn't able to visit, I would always call at midnight to wish her a happy birthday. I have that to deal with again.

I guess that's it for the year. I hope nothing but the best for everyone in 2015. I'm sure gonna make some changes. I don't do resolutions, but a friend on Twitter said instead he makes goals for the year which sounds more feasible.

Chiflaco out.

Sunday

Nothing much going on. The weather's been warm. I want a cold winter. But it ain't gonna happen.

My knee's doing a whole lot better. There's no swelling and no pain. I do tire easily. I still use the cane when I go to the library and to the store. Although I ventured out to the store without it today. I came home and crashed, but I survived.

Went to lunch with Tony and Mike yesterday. We went to Luther's. It's kinda our hang out. Our favourite server wasn't waiting on us but he still came over and said hello. Javier is a character. He's a genuine person and very friendly. He fits well with us.

I have an extra ticket for Chicago next month and I seriously considered inviting him. Don't know if he's flirting or just being a nice server. We'll never know.

Chiflaco out.

Masochist

Okay, here it is in writing. I'm a masochist. I look for pain anywhere.

I made the mistake of typing in gay marriage proposals into You Tube. A flurry of proposals were available. These guys really went out of their way to propose marriage to their significant others.

To add insult to injury, a click lead to gay marriages and first wedding dances. I was mesmerized. I saw so many.

I've been in five relationships and one almost one that never happened but should have. My heart has been broken each time.

But despite all the bad, I still believe in love. I've given my heart several times only to have it lashed on a rock. Don't know what I've done wrong.

I mean, I cook, I bake, I do laundry, I do yard work, I love. Yet my heart has been broken. Maybe I should do windows!

I now realize that that will never happen to me. I'm a middle aged man with a terminal illness. Where am I going to find Mr. Right? Even Mr. Right for the evening.

I think that ship has sailed. I have a lot of love to offer Mr. Right but when will that happen? Guess I have to keep my love to myself.

Don't mean to be a whiner. I just realize that it will never happen. Me? Have a happily ever after? No way. I'm doomed to be on my own. As Charlotte Vale said in Now Voyager, I'm the spinster aunt, every family has one. That's me to a tee.

Let me wallow in my self pity.

Chiflaco out.

Food Stamps

Don't know if I blogged about it. For some reason, I got an additional dollar in food stamps. That's $16 a month now. What a thrill.

Lab Results

Got my lab results this morning. My t-cell count went down again, this time to 89. And I'm almost undetectable. He prefers that I'm undetectable. The doctors pay more attention to the viral load.

He did say it might have been low because I was sick when they drew blood two weeks ago. That's when I was home sick and with my swollen knee.

Everything else is good. No diabetes, no high blood pressure. Just the bad knee and shoulder. My knee is doing a whole lot better. I'm still using the brace and cane to be on the safe side. I start out okay, but then the pain sneaks in and I'm in pain again.

Chiflaco out.

Schlepping Around

I'm exhausted. Went to the podiatrist this morning. He pared off some of my callouses. He also said I should consider surgery on my hammer toes. Who knew I had them? He could have said something earlier. Gotta think about it. He did say if I had the surgery I wouldn't have that much trouble with the callouses.

It was cold this morning. I wore my trench coat, scarf, gloves, and cap. I also wore my quad cane to be on the safe side. I'm doing okay but you never know. It got warmer during my running around. I really didn't need all of this after a while.

Went to the mall while I was out. I needed a pair of jeans and trousers for the theatre. Also found a belt and got my Dream Guys calendar for next year. One of my neighbours has commented that I always have a different guy up for each month. Duh? Of course. Most of the Mexican calendars have one picture with removable months. Girl, I'm in the US and we have a hottie a month. Wish I did!

Just got home and took an ibuprofen to help with the pain. The old gray mare just ain't what she used to be...

Chiflaco out.

Busy Weekend

When it rains...Went to lunch with the family yesterday. Celebrated Larry and Oscar's birthdays. Yeah, we did the Chinese buffet again. We're regulars. We get together once a month just to see each other. Barbara and Debra see each other all the time, but I don't get to see them at all.

Mike called today and told me we had a lunch date. That was the first I heard about it. I won't say no. He and Tony picked me up after church. We went to Luther's where we had our favourite server hovering above us.

Javier is great. Keeps on top of everything and keeps smiles on our faces. I had the mushroom Swiss burger and it was scrumptious. Tony decided to order me dessert and I was forced to eat it. It was a Chocolate Heaven or something like that. A warm lava cake with ice cream and whipped cream. I hate Tony. But he already knows.

Chiflaco out.

Last Batch

Okay, this is officially my last batch of tamales! My arms are killing me. Plus I ran out of masa. Guess I'll have to go to the store to get some more and that will be my last batch.

Thank gawd I took an ibuprofen before I started. I think it helped.

Taking a break before getting back to them...

Chiflaco out.

Tamales

I'm making my first batch of tamales for the year. It might also be my last batch ever. Sure they're easy but it's still a lot of work. But it's so worth it when you bite into them and they're so tasty.

I have the husks soaking now. I made the meat yesterday and it tastes fabulous. I'm making pork and chicken tamales. Debra prefers the chicken. I'm also making some cheese tamales. Never heard of them but apparently my sister makes them and Barbara and Debra love them, so being the chifladas that they are, they're getting their favorites.

My knee is doing better but standing isn't helping any. I don't have a table so I'm doing the work on my limited counter space. I got it down pat.

Got the dough just right. I should have tamales for dinner. But they're better for breakfast. And of course they're better the day after. I remember Mom heating them up in a skillet with a little bit of water. Nowadays we nuke them and they just don't taste the same.

Chiflaco out.

Great Weather!

We're finally getting some great weather. It's in the 50's and windy. Just got back from the store. I'm in a tamale making mood so I went to get pork and masa to make a batch. I'm excited and looking forward to the tasty devils.

I did use my brace and quad cane and I'm paying for it. My knee pain has flared up. Well at least I'm in for the day. Maybe tomorrow also. All I have to do is stand up to make them. If I had a table I'd sit down and make them but I have such little counter space.

Chiflaco out.