No Change

Still not sleeping. I do take daily naps though. I take Unisom with a shot of vodka each afternoon and that allows me to take naps. At night I take shots of Nyquil but don't know if it works or not.

Regardless, I'm still not sleeping. My naps do make up for my lack of sleep but I still need a full 8 hours. I'm not eating have a severe headache and am nauseous for the time being.

I do like the weight loss but know I'm losing weight for the wrong reasons. I have no apatite to speak of and only eat like once a day right now.

I have a roaring headache and I'm very tired of it. I want sleep. I'm also eating less. I've lost some weight and am glad of it but it's also not healthy weight loss. I want my life back.

Chiflaco out.

Insomnia 2

Still not sleeping. It's really driving me crazy. I lay down in bed and just toss and turn. Yesterday morning I took some Nyquil and was able to take a nap.

Mike told me about melatonin. It's an herbal supplement that's a sleeping aid. It really hasn't worked that I can tell. I took two last night with a shot of Nyquil and I did pass out. I still need a lot of sleep.

I'm suffering all over. I have a lack of appetite that I welcome. I've lost some weight because of this lack of sleep. And I go from diarrhea to constipation if you can believe that. I welcome the diarrhea just to clean out my system. Mike got a bit upset and told me to take Imodium which I did.

Still haven't heard anything about my scripts. In the meantime I'm not taking any meds. I've run out. I got used to the routine and now there's nothing.

I just want to sleep. I have a constant headache and I'm shaking again. For some reason I'm sweating up a storm. I can't find a constant temperature and have day sweats now. I just can't keep clean either. I always feel dirty. I can't take enough showers.

Chiflaco out.

Insomnia

I  haven't slept since last Monday. For some reason I can't fall asleep. It's driving me crazy. I'm dizzy, cranky, light headed. I am eating less for some reason and my belt is fitting looser.

I go with the motions of sleeping. I go to bed at the usual time and just lie in bed staring into the night. I try all my usual sleeping positions but nothing helps. I ran ot of Ambien also not that that was helping much. I was still taking it and it was not working.

I don't think I'm stressed out about anything. Nothing bothers me. I bought some over the counter sleeping pills and of course they're not working. The drinking isn't helping either. You would think I'd sleep well with my nightly glasses of wine. But that doesn't work either.

Added to this I'm eating less which is a godsend. My jeans are looser than usual and I've gone down a notch in my belt. I just want to sleep and get my body back in check.

Chiflaco out.

PPO Problems

I've had Humana HMO for about seven years. Last year, my doctor was not listed in their network and I  was given another doctor as my PCP. For some reason, my doctor is on Humana PPO, so I changed over to it.

Okay, now I have my HIV doctor as my PCP. Problem is, I don't get prescription coverage. Just found that out last week when I tried to order refills. I talked to Humana and there's nothing I can do until open enrollment in November!

My clinic suggested I make an appointment with their case manager and she might be able to help me somehow. The clinic has a pharmacy that I have used in the past but for some reason they're not letting me do it this time around.

So I'm almost out of meds and don't know what I'm gonna do.

As if that wasn't bad enough, my glasses broke yesterday. And Jean-Luc gnawed through my phone charger cord. Not a great way to start a new year. This has really put a damper on my plans for the week.

When it rains...

Chiflaco out.

Happy Holidays

Boy these holidays went by quick. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, and tomorrow is New Year's Eve. I didn't even get to mail out holiday cards this year. It just didn't feel right for some reason.

Update on me, I'm doing great. After a bad October, I am now walking without a cane again. I still get nervous. It just happened so randomly. I'm afraid to move sometimes because I'm afraid it'll come back.

I had a severe case of allergies recently. I was dripping incessantly and my nose was raw from too much blowing. Not that kind of blowing!

Jean-Luc is doing great. He's such a loving cat. I've never had a cat as loveable as him. When guests come over, he runs up and greets them and purrs and prances all over.

I was naughty this holiday. Tony introduced me to a dating app for gay men. Wow, there are some hot men out there. I've actually gone on several dates that led elsewhere :-) Yes I'm playing safe. I just had no idea I was that flexible. I feel young and invigorated. I've been out of the loop for about 10 years, so I figure I'm due for some fun.

One thing with these guys, they're in such great shape and I'm not. I'm shapeless. I lost all that weight then gained 20 lbs. and I'm just not happy with how I look. I've decided to get back on the wagon and lose some more weight. I went to the store today and got salad fixings. I think that's what caused my weight loss in the first place.

I want to get back to the gym. I have free membership with Humana. I'm just afraid I'm gonna break down again. That was so not fun. I hated being homebound and walking with a cane, and a quad cane at that.

I have to face that fear. I also want to get back in the pool. I've lost weight before thanks to the pool and I'm hoping to get that going again. I have a doctor's prescription so I'll be able to do it for free. I just have to schlep to the Natatorium which is across from my old high school. Memories.

New Year's is always a bummer for me. My sister would have been 75 next year. I used to spend it with her and I'd buy the cheap champagne she loved and we'd drink it at midnight. If I wasn't able to visit, I would always call at midnight to wish her a happy birthday. I have that to deal with again.

I guess that's it for the year. I hope nothing but the best for everyone in 2015. I'm sure gonna make some changes. I don't do resolutions, but a friend on Twitter said instead he makes goals for the year which sounds more feasible.

Chiflaco out.

Sunday

Nothing much going on. The weather's been warm. I want a cold winter. But it ain't gonna happen.

My knee's doing a whole lot better. There's no swelling and no pain. I do tire easily. I still use the cane when I go to the library and to the store. Although I ventured out to the store without it today. I came home and crashed, but I survived.

Went to lunch with Tony and Mike yesterday. We went to Luther's. It's kinda our hang out. Our favourite server wasn't waiting on us but he still came over and said hello. Javier is a character. He's a genuine person and very friendly. He fits well with us.

I have an extra ticket for Chicago next month and I seriously considered inviting him. Don't know if he's flirting or just being a nice server. We'll never know.

Chiflaco out.

Masochist

Okay, here it is in writing. I'm a masochist. I look for pain anywhere.

I made the mistake of typing in gay marriage proposals into You Tube. A flurry of proposals were available. These guys really went out of their way to propose marriage to their significant others.

To add insult to injury, a click lead to gay marriages and first wedding dances. I was mesmerized. I saw so many.

I've been in five relationships and one almost one that never happened but should have. My heart has been broken each time.

But despite all the bad, I still believe in love. I've given my heart several times only to have it lashed on a rock. Don't know what I've done wrong.

I mean, I cook, I bake, I do laundry, I do yard work, I love. Yet my heart has been broken. Maybe I should do windows!

I now realize that that will never happen to me. I'm a middle aged man with a terminal illness. Where am I going to find Mr. Right? Even Mr. Right for the evening.

I think that ship has sailed. I have a lot of love to offer Mr. Right but when will that happen? Guess I have to keep my love to myself.

Don't mean to be a whiner. I just realize that it will never happen. Me? Have a happily ever after? No way. I'm doomed to be on my own. As Charlotte Vale said in Now Voyager, I'm the spinster aunt, every family has one. That's me to a tee.

Let me wallow in my self pity.

Chiflaco out.

Food Stamps

Don't know if I blogged about it. For some reason, I got an additional dollar in food stamps. That's $16 a month now. What a thrill.

Lab Results

Got my lab results this morning. My t-cell count went down again, this time to 89. And I'm almost undetectable. He prefers that I'm undetectable. The doctors pay more attention to the viral load.

He did say it might have been low because I was sick when they drew blood two weeks ago. That's when I was home sick and with my swollen knee.

Everything else is good. No diabetes, no high blood pressure. Just the bad knee and shoulder. My knee is doing a whole lot better. I'm still using the brace and cane to be on the safe side. I start out okay, but then the pain sneaks in and I'm in pain again.

Chiflaco out.

Schlepping Around

I'm exhausted. Went to the podiatrist this morning. He pared off some of my callouses. He also said I should consider surgery on my hammer toes. Who knew I had them? He could have said something earlier. Gotta think about it. He did say if I had the surgery I wouldn't have that much trouble with the callouses.

It was cold this morning. I wore my trench coat, scarf, gloves, and cap. I also wore my quad cane to be on the safe side. I'm doing okay but you never know. It got warmer during my running around. I really didn't need all of this after a while.

Went to the mall while I was out. I needed a pair of jeans and trousers for the theatre. Also found a belt and got my Dream Guys calendar for next year. One of my neighbours has commented that I always have a different guy up for each month. Duh? Of course. Most of the Mexican calendars have one picture with removable months. Girl, I'm in the US and we have a hottie a month. Wish I did!

Just got home and took an ibuprofen to help with the pain. The old gray mare just ain't what she used to be...

Chiflaco out.

Busy Weekend

When it rains...Went to lunch with the family yesterday. Celebrated Larry and Oscar's birthdays. Yeah, we did the Chinese buffet again. We're regulars. We get together once a month just to see each other. Barbara and Debra see each other all the time, but I don't get to see them at all.

Mike called today and told me we had a lunch date. That was the first I heard about it. I won't say no. He and Tony picked me up after church. We went to Luther's where we had our favourite server hovering above us.

Javier is great. Keeps on top of everything and keeps smiles on our faces. I had the mushroom Swiss burger and it was scrumptious. Tony decided to order me dessert and I was forced to eat it. It was a Chocolate Heaven or something like that. A warm lava cake with ice cream and whipped cream. I hate Tony. But he already knows.

Chiflaco out.

Last Batch

Okay, this is officially my last batch of tamales! My arms are killing me. Plus I ran out of masa. Guess I'll have to go to the store to get some more and that will be my last batch.

Thank gawd I took an ibuprofen before I started. I think it helped.

Taking a break before getting back to them...

Chiflaco out.

Tamales

I'm making my first batch of tamales for the year. It might also be my last batch ever. Sure they're easy but it's still a lot of work. But it's so worth it when you bite into them and they're so tasty.

I have the husks soaking now. I made the meat yesterday and it tastes fabulous. I'm making pork and chicken tamales. Debra prefers the chicken. I'm also making some cheese tamales. Never heard of them but apparently my sister makes them and Barbara and Debra love them, so being the chifladas that they are, they're getting their favorites.

My knee is doing better but standing isn't helping any. I don't have a table so I'm doing the work on my limited counter space. I got it down pat.

Got the dough just right. I should have tamales for dinner. But they're better for breakfast. And of course they're better the day after. I remember Mom heating them up in a skillet with a little bit of water. Nowadays we nuke them and they just don't taste the same.

Chiflaco out.

Great Weather!

We're finally getting some great weather. It's in the 50's and windy. Just got back from the store. I'm in a tamale making mood so I went to get pork and masa to make a batch. I'm excited and looking forward to the tasty devils.

I did use my brace and quad cane and I'm paying for it. My knee pain has flared up. Well at least I'm in for the day. Maybe tomorrow also. All I have to do is stand up to make them. If I had a table I'd sit down and make them but I have such little counter space.

Chiflaco out.

Better

And just like that, the pain stopped. Don't know what happened but I woke up feeling better. My knee is not hurting. I'm still using the brace and cane to be on the safe side.

I know me and I will walk around without the cane and the pain will return. No sir, I'm using the cane. Great to be back, almost.

Knee Problems

The swelling went down for about two days but it came back yesterday. I'm still walking with my brace and quad cane.

I actually went to the library today. Picked up some DVDs to keep me entertained since I'm stuck home. There's so much I want to do but can't.

Mike wants me to go to the ER. But I'm afraid I will get admitted and who will look out for Jean-Luc? What an excuse.

Getting ready for another nap...

Chiflaco  out.

Exhausted!

I push myself. I went to do lab work this morning. I got my quad cane so I was happy with that. I also used my knee brace. It was murder getting on the trolley. I can only imagine what it would have been last week.

I was gonna do some running around but my knee said otherwise. I just came back home but stopped for breakfast and got some tacos for dinner.

Just took my ibuprofen and I'm going to bed. I'm tired of this. This is not fun. At least I have some DVDs to watch. No fun being at home for no reason. Guess I'll do an errand a day.

Chiflaco out.

When It Rains...

Don't think I've mentioned this before. Victoria is a neighbor who is a chef at the San Antonio Country Club. She's always cooking and sending food over.

Natalie is her partner and she is studying to be a beautician, so I get my hair done for free. She's also my fag hag and Victoria was Eddie's fag hag. Keep it in the family, huh?

They had a function at the country club and they usually throw away food. Victoria brought home some sweets and Natalie just brought some over! Talk about luck. And I was just gonna fix myself a pbnj.

Chiflaco out.

Oreo Heaven Again-NOT!

Just got back from Walgreens. Mike and Tony picked me up and we went to the library, Luther's for lunch, and Walgreens for my cane. I'm exhausted.

So there we were at Luther's and I decided dessert for them. Turns out they have Oreo Heaven also! No, I didn't get one. My tum's still acting up and I didn't want to risk it. I just had a Philly that was delicious.

We then went to Walgreens where I found the perfect cane. I could have walked out of the store with it but I didn't. Mike and Tony also brought me the chicken and dumplings and the added bonus of tuna casserole, and a slice of cake. I'm all set for the next few days. Again, I am blessed.

Chiflaco out.

Sicko Update

Yep, I'm still under the weather. Yesterday was especially stressful. For some reason I was cold and spent the day under the covers. My knee is still giving me problems but it seems to feel better today.

Jean-Luc has been a godsend. He was with me in bed all day long. He looks at me and he knows there's something wrong. This morning he woke me up by jumping on my chest. He's such a sweetheart.

Did my running around Friday. Tony came over and drove me around. I took him to Jim's where he talked me into having dessert. I normally don't make it to dessert because I'm stuffed from lunch or dinner. I wound up having an Oreo Heaven I think it was. Picture a warm brownie topped with a scoop of ice cream topped with whipped cream! It was covered in Oreo crumbs with warm chocolate fudge.

Don't know how I ate it but I did. It was delish. I hate Tony for talking me into it but I didn't complain.

Mike and Tony are coming over today. Mike is very worried about me and he's bringing me some chicken and dumplings. He makes a great batch. I asked him to take me to Walgreen's to buy a new cane with the four legs. I'm just so afraid I'm gonna fall with my regular cane. I'll be sturdier with the new cane.

I told Debra about my plight and she told Barbara and now they're concerned about me as well. Of course they say if I need anything to call. I might just take them up on it. I can take the bus to the store and call them to pick me up on the way to work.

I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful and caring people in my life. A long time ago I came up with the term framily, a combination of friends and family. I've since seen the term used by everybody else. I started a trend and didn't know it.

Chiflaco out.