Nothing much going on this week. The highlight was Sister Act.
I did get approved for another year of food stamps. I'm still getting only $15 a month.
Mike moved to Boerne with Tony. Guess I'll see him less. But he's happy and that's all that counts.
I've been in a funky mood for some reason. It's like I'm fighting a depression. I lay down every day and just lie in bed. I don't nap I just lie there. Of course Jean-Luc lies down with me. He's my savior.
Chiflaco out.
29 June 2014
26 June 2014
Sister Act
Went to the Houston St Bistro for dinner. Mike had the salmon, Tony the gorgonzola chicken, and I had the beef brochettes which is fancy for kabobs and they were scrumptious. Served with grilled bell peppers and onion over a bed of basmati rice. I've been there before and highly recommend it.
20 June 2014
14 June 2014
Family Luncheon
It was great sitting down and catching up with everyone. The kids have grown so much. Seems like just yesterday they were in diapers. Seems like yesterday I was changing Debra and Barbara's diapers. Gawd I'm old.
Went to Best Buy to get Debra something and we flirted outrageously with Matt. He's hot. I liked the fact that he was furry and that's what Debra didn't like. Then went to Wal-Mart where I got some skinny clothes.
I look forward to another family outing. I think we should do monthly potlucks but we'll see what happens. We also talked about karaoke, they know how much I like to sing.
Chiflaco out.
11 June 2014
Dark Shadows
I've already seen over 100 episodes and I can't believe how bad it is. The acting is bad and everything is so predictable. I like to watch it just for the bloopers. And you can see the camera and I laugh when the actors don't know their lines and they blatantly look at the cue cards and read their lines.
I've already told Mike I hate Tony. We've all gotten a good laugh out of it. I can hardly wait for my next disc.
Chiflaco out.
08 June 2014
Tony's
03 June 2014
Manic
I've been in a manic mood lately, more manic than depressed. I can never control these feelings. I'm on my meds but the feelings still there.
I've also been manic eating. I've been like PacMan after the cherries. But then there have been days when I don't eat. My nutritionist hates those days. I'm ambivalent about it. Of course.
I've had a sense of euphoria for some reason. It's like I'm fighting a depression. I don't want to be depressed but my memories keep haunting me. I have too many memories and lately I've been thinking of the bad ones.
I still mourn my sister. She was the best. She was my friend, confidante, mother, everything. We had a blast. She did everything by the book but she had a bad life for a while there. God worked in mysterious ways when he took her from us. She left a void that can never be replaced. I still cry when I think of her like right now. I do have lots of happy memories with her and they always bring a smile to my face. I miss her. I wish she were still around for her girls and her grandchildren.
Then I think of relationships past. I've had some interesting ones. I think about my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, the one that got away, and my two mistakes. There were good memories but also some bad ones. You learn from your mistakes and I made my fair share. If I could I would do things just the same I guess. They made me who I am. And I'm happy with me for some reason. I'm content with where I am.
I do wish I could get in contact with David. He was the love of my life 29 years ago. I still love him and I have actually come across him twice but he doesn't want to communicate with me for some reason. I just emailed him and I know he won't reply.
Then there's Ernie, the one that got away. I fell for him almost immediately. We complemented each other is so many ways. It was like it was made in heaven. We loved each other as friends and it was a small step to really love each other. I'm mad at myself for not being able to talk to him about it.
I even think of Chuck. He was my bad relationship. He swept me off my feet. But then the abuse started and I was not in a good place. He had his sweet moments but they were overshadowed by his bad moods. And he took them out on me...and I let him. I had no choice.
And then there's Steve. He was gonna be my last one. He told me he loved me and I fell for it. He said the right things. When he asked me to move with him I didn't hesitate. He came down one Christmas and I said good-bye to my parents and nieces and left.
We had a nice life together for a few years. Then he got involved with a bunch of losers and that started the nail in the coffin. We had problems and when I broached the subject he said everything was fine. I even left out a couples therapy brochure that he totally ignored. Hey, I saw a problem and wanted to work on it but he said everything was fine. It wasn't.
He cheated on me and never had the cojones to admit to it. I'm not blind. I saw what was going on. I'm not stupid. I know that's how I got HIV. But he's HIV-, go figure. Guess my slut days caught up with me.
So I've been moody. I do have some crying spells. But then I watch Diana's concerts and my spirits are lifted. I listen to Bette Midler's Live at Last cd and I have a smile on my face. I also have Tina Turner and Wham! DVDs to watch. What a faggot.
Oh well, what's a guy to do? Just manage.
Chiflaco out.
I've also been manic eating. I've been like PacMan after the cherries. But then there have been days when I don't eat. My nutritionist hates those days. I'm ambivalent about it. Of course.
I've had a sense of euphoria for some reason. It's like I'm fighting a depression. I don't want to be depressed but my memories keep haunting me. I have too many memories and lately I've been thinking of the bad ones.
I still mourn my sister. She was the best. She was my friend, confidante, mother, everything. We had a blast. She did everything by the book but she had a bad life for a while there. God worked in mysterious ways when he took her from us. She left a void that can never be replaced. I still cry when I think of her like right now. I do have lots of happy memories with her and they always bring a smile to my face. I miss her. I wish she were still around for her girls and her grandchildren.
Then I think of relationships past. I've had some interesting ones. I think about my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, the one that got away, and my two mistakes. There were good memories but also some bad ones. You learn from your mistakes and I made my fair share. If I could I would do things just the same I guess. They made me who I am. And I'm happy with me for some reason. I'm content with where I am.
I do wish I could get in contact with David. He was the love of my life 29 years ago. I still love him and I have actually come across him twice but he doesn't want to communicate with me for some reason. I just emailed him and I know he won't reply.
Then there's Ernie, the one that got away. I fell for him almost immediately. We complemented each other is so many ways. It was like it was made in heaven. We loved each other as friends and it was a small step to really love each other. I'm mad at myself for not being able to talk to him about it.
I even think of Chuck. He was my bad relationship. He swept me off my feet. But then the abuse started and I was not in a good place. He had his sweet moments but they were overshadowed by his bad moods. And he took them out on me...and I let him. I had no choice.
And then there's Steve. He was gonna be my last one. He told me he loved me and I fell for it. He said the right things. When he asked me to move with him I didn't hesitate. He came down one Christmas and I said good-bye to my parents and nieces and left.
We had a nice life together for a few years. Then he got involved with a bunch of losers and that started the nail in the coffin. We had problems and when I broached the subject he said everything was fine. I even left out a couples therapy brochure that he totally ignored. Hey, I saw a problem and wanted to work on it but he said everything was fine. It wasn't.
He cheated on me and never had the cojones to admit to it. I'm not blind. I saw what was going on. I'm not stupid. I know that's how I got HIV. But he's HIV-, go figure. Guess my slut days caught up with me.
So I've been moody. I do have some crying spells. But then I watch Diana's concerts and my spirits are lifted. I listen to Bette Midler's Live at Last cd and I have a smile on my face. I also have Tina Turner and Wham! DVDs to watch. What a faggot.
Oh well, what's a guy to do? Just manage.
Chiflaco out.
27 May 2014
Trevor
Trevor is an Academy Award winning short about the coming of age of a young boy. Trevor is coming to terms with being gay. He loves Diana and lip syncs to her albums. He longs for attention and thinks of ways to commit suicide. He even practices for his funeral.
We're all Trevor in many ways. We all identified with him when we saw it many moons ago. I have been likened to Trevor by several people here and in Michigan. Wonder why? I just hope for my happy ending.
Chiflaco out.
Karma
I must have done something right in a previous life. I have great karma following me.
I have some great neighbours. I share things with them and they in return share with me.
Yesterday Andrew brought me some beer. He volunteers at church functions and people periodically leave booze behind. He brings me the leftovers. I share things with him. He sometimes forgets to go to the store and he comes down for a little bit of food. He also asks for pain killers which I never have. And he's gay friendly, he's real cool.
Victoria is a chef at Central Market. She periodically brings me a plate of food and it is always scrumptious. I in turn always share my baking with her and Natalie, and Joseph. They're all real cool also.
Natalie is Victoria's partner and she's studying to be a beautician. That means that she needs practice. So guess who gets free haircuts? She came over last night with her weed wacker and did a number on my hair. I was having a bad hair week and she came to the rescue.
I almost forgot Barbara. She's Chuck's sister and cherished friend. She sends me gift cards to HEB so I can go get some food and sundry items. I got a sister out of that relationship.
I am truly blessed.
Chiflaco out.
I have some great neighbours. I share things with them and they in return share with me.
Yesterday Andrew brought me some beer. He volunteers at church functions and people periodically leave booze behind. He brings me the leftovers. I share things with him. He sometimes forgets to go to the store and he comes down for a little bit of food. He also asks for pain killers which I never have. And he's gay friendly, he's real cool.
Victoria is a chef at Central Market. She periodically brings me a plate of food and it is always scrumptious. I in turn always share my baking with her and Natalie, and Joseph. They're all real cool also.
Natalie is Victoria's partner and she's studying to be a beautician. That means that she needs practice. So guess who gets free haircuts? She came over last night with her weed wacker and did a number on my hair. I was having a bad hair week and she came to the rescue.
I almost forgot Barbara. She's Chuck's sister and cherished friend. She sends me gift cards to HEB so I can go get some food and sundry items. I got a sister out of that relationship.
I am truly blessed.
Chiflaco out.
20 May 2014
The One That Got Away
I didn't mean to, but I fell in love 24 years ago.
I was sitting in the cafeteria one night and this guy stopped by and joined me for dinner. He sat down and we began talking. I found we had a lot in common as we laughed and talked.
Ernie was a cut up. I actually allowed him to give me a ride home the next morning. And so it started.
I'd be at work and I'd get a phone call and he would say he'd pick me up. He would surprise me with a picnic. We'd go to a park and laugh and eat. We did a lot of laughing...and eating too.
He introduced me to his family and I became a fixture in his life. I was happy. I never felt like I belonged and here I felt whole for the first time in my life. He had a dinner for me one night where he introduced me to his friends. They all liked me of course.
I spent the night one time and we shared his bed. In the middle of the night I awoke to find him staring at me. Was I making it up? Was I dreaming? I just went back to sleep.
We went shopping one day and bought a tent and sleeping bags. He picked me up one day and drove to the coast where we pitched the tent and proceeded to enjoy the beach. We found some hazelnut coffee and made a great pot. We bought some shrimp and grilled them on his grill. Life was great.
We would go to employee banquets and we always put on a show. We would dress up and outdo the managers. Someone took a photo of us and I enlarged it and framed it and gave him a copy. We were so happy.
I never said anything. In my mind's eye he loved me back. But mum's the word. Why was I scared?
I lost track of him once upon a time, but I never forgot him. How could I? I went off on adventures but my heart was always here in San Antonio. I think I wrote him telling him how I felt but I never heard from him. I still haven't. We should talk sometime.
I came back and caught up with him again. Nothing's changed. I still love him. I have always been afraid of rejection, so I still haven't done anything. We see each other periodically and there's still that chemistry. I catch him looking at me but don't say anything.
He came over the other day to help me out with the computer. I hadn't seen him in over two years but he's still the handsomest, sweetest man I've ever met. The chemistry's still there and we talk as if we've never been apart.
Sometimes I think I should bring it up but I hesitate. I talked about him in therapy today. It felt good talking about him. Everything is good about him. I wish we could spend more time together but so much time has passed.
I hesitate because of rejection. I hesitate because I'm used garbage and infected garbage at that! I know relationships exist between positive and negative partners but I wouldn't put him through that. I didn't before when I was healthy, so why bother now?
Don't know when I'll see him again. We periodically go for Indian food because we're the only ones that like that cuisine. I hope I don't have to wait another two years to see him. I do want to talk to him when we get together. After 24 years...I still love the guy.
Just wanted to share.
Chiflaco out.
I was sitting in the cafeteria one night and this guy stopped by and joined me for dinner. He sat down and we began talking. I found we had a lot in common as we laughed and talked.
Ernie was a cut up. I actually allowed him to give me a ride home the next morning. And so it started.
I'd be at work and I'd get a phone call and he would say he'd pick me up. He would surprise me with a picnic. We'd go to a park and laugh and eat. We did a lot of laughing...and eating too.
He introduced me to his family and I became a fixture in his life. I was happy. I never felt like I belonged and here I felt whole for the first time in my life. He had a dinner for me one night where he introduced me to his friends. They all liked me of course.
I spent the night one time and we shared his bed. In the middle of the night I awoke to find him staring at me. Was I making it up? Was I dreaming? I just went back to sleep.
We went shopping one day and bought a tent and sleeping bags. He picked me up one day and drove to the coast where we pitched the tent and proceeded to enjoy the beach. We found some hazelnut coffee and made a great pot. We bought some shrimp and grilled them on his grill. Life was great.
We would go to employee banquets and we always put on a show. We would dress up and outdo the managers. Someone took a photo of us and I enlarged it and framed it and gave him a copy. We were so happy.
I never said anything. In my mind's eye he loved me back. But mum's the word. Why was I scared?
I lost track of him once upon a time, but I never forgot him. How could I? I went off on adventures but my heart was always here in San Antonio. I think I wrote him telling him how I felt but I never heard from him. I still haven't. We should talk sometime.
I came back and caught up with him again. Nothing's changed. I still love him. I have always been afraid of rejection, so I still haven't done anything. We see each other periodically and there's still that chemistry. I catch him looking at me but don't say anything.
He came over the other day to help me out with the computer. I hadn't seen him in over two years but he's still the handsomest, sweetest man I've ever met. The chemistry's still there and we talk as if we've never been apart.
Sometimes I think I should bring it up but I hesitate. I talked about him in therapy today. It felt good talking about him. Everything is good about him. I wish we could spend more time together but so much time has passed.
I hesitate because of rejection. I hesitate because I'm used garbage and infected garbage at that! I know relationships exist between positive and negative partners but I wouldn't put him through that. I didn't before when I was healthy, so why bother now?
Don't know when I'll see him again. We periodically go for Indian food because we're the only ones that like that cuisine. I hope I don't have to wait another two years to see him. I do want to talk to him when we get together. After 24 years...I still love the guy.
Just wanted to share.
Chiflaco out.
19 May 2014
Bad VIA Experience
Like I'm surprised. I was waiting for the bus yesterday when a bus came by and I got up to get on it. The operator stopped and changed it to Out of Service. That means that it's only going downtown and then back to the garage.
This has happened before and I've nicely said I'm only going down a few stops. This time the bus driver said no that it was against policy to pick anyone up. How rude! I just told her this was yet another bad VIA experience.
Wish they would get their you-know-what together.
Chiflaco out.
This has happened before and I've nicely said I'm only going down a few stops. This time the bus driver said no that it was against policy to pick anyone up. How rude! I just told her this was yet another bad VIA experience.
Wish they would get their you-know-what together.
Chiflaco out.
Splurge
Apparently I forgot to use my $15 of food stamps last month. That means that I had $30 to spend. Just got back from the store and I stocked up my freezer full of goodies. Now I have food for the next week and a half.
18 May 2014
Diana Ross
We all know where we were Thursday 21 July 1983. We were glued to the TV all set to watch Diana. She was giving a concert in Central Park.
The show started off great, great entrance. Then it happened, the wind started up and then it began to rain. Trouper that she is, she kept on performing. Then it got really bad and she had to stop but not before promising to return the next day.
Then Friday came and we were all drinking and ready for the show of a lifetime. Diana did not let us down as usual. She opened with I'm Coming Out and she ran from her trailer and up the steps to the stage and she just wowed us.
Miss Ross was Supreme. She gave a great concert and it went on for a while. But it was too short for us fans. I had a blast watching the concert. I splurged when I saw it on Amazon. I'm lucky to have it and will watch it periodically. I also was able to get her concert from Caesar's Palace which is another great concert. I remember I used to have it on laser disc way back when.
Should I even mention that I've seen her in concert? And she does not disappoint. I would love to see her again...maybe one day.
Chiflaco out.
12 May 2014
VIA Sucks!!!
Got my passport out and headed out to the barrio the other day. I had to go to the clinic pharmacy to pick up a script. It's a hassle but it's free.
I left here at 8,30 and ventured out. I had to take to buses to get there. Lots of waiting. The bright side is that I schlepped out in the morning before it gets hot.
I had to run another errand and I had to take three buses to get there. More waiting. Since I was out, I had lunch at a Chinese buffet. The embarrassing thing was that I was walking back to my table and my shorts started to fall down. Thank gawd I had showered that morning. I managed to hold on to my tray and lift my shorts up at the same time. Very talented.
Then I took the bus home and was exhausted by the time I got home. I got home at 2,15. That's almost six hours out of my day. Granted I don't do anything, it's the principle. I came home, took another shower and lay down. I didn't sleep, I just rested.
VIA sucks big time. Had I a car, I would have done my running around in an hour. I hope they fix VIA sometime soon.
Chiflaco out.
I left here at 8,30 and ventured out. I had to take to buses to get there. Lots of waiting. The bright side is that I schlepped out in the morning before it gets hot.
I had to run another errand and I had to take three buses to get there. More waiting. Since I was out, I had lunch at a Chinese buffet. The embarrassing thing was that I was walking back to my table and my shorts started to fall down. Thank gawd I had showered that morning. I managed to hold on to my tray and lift my shorts up at the same time. Very talented.
Then I took the bus home and was exhausted by the time I got home. I got home at 2,15. That's almost six hours out of my day. Granted I don't do anything, it's the principle. I came home, took another shower and lay down. I didn't sleep, I just rested.
VIA sucks big time. Had I a car, I would have done my running around in an hour. I hope they fix VIA sometime soon.
Chiflaco out.
02 May 2014
Busy Friday
I'm tired. I had a busy day. I started off by going to the clinic to get refills on some psych meds. They've been saying they're now taking my insurance. I've been talking to the insurance and they don't have the clinic in network. Well today they called the insurance and were on the phone about 30 minutes. They still couldn't find the clinic and Maria said they do take the insurance but they don't have the address. They're working on it.
Then I went downstairs for breakfast. I hadn't had chilaquiles is quite a while so I was sated. Then it was off to the library.
Then out of the blue I decided to go to Academy to buy some trunks. I need to start getting in shape. It's so difficult to find trunks without a print. I want a simple colored pair. I found a pair and now I have to get on the ball about swimming. Supposedly I can swim for free with a doctor's note which I have. We'll see.
Then I came home and crashed. I didn't nap, I just lay in bed catching my breath. I was tired.
Chiflaco out.
Then I went downstairs for breakfast. I hadn't had chilaquiles is quite a while so I was sated. Then it was off to the library.
Then out of the blue I decided to go to Academy to buy some trunks. I need to start getting in shape. It's so difficult to find trunks without a print. I want a simple colored pair. I found a pair and now I have to get on the ball about swimming. Supposedly I can swim for free with a doctor's note which I have. We'll see.
Then I came home and crashed. I didn't nap, I just lay in bed catching my breath. I was tired.
Chiflaco out.
01 May 2014
Evita
Then off to the Majestic for a great musical. Of course we did a lot of people watching and critiquing. You know how girls can get catty.
We all agreed that the musical was a whole lot better than the movie. Duh.
Chiflaco out.
27 April 2014
Quiet Week
I've not been having anything to blog lately. Just had another quiet week. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I did go out to breakfast with Mike yesterday. Sometimes we just need time alone. We had a fun time as usual. We got to cruise some hot guys. Funny how club people go to Jim's after a hard night of clubbing.
At least I think these are club people. Who else is gonna be with a hot stud for breakfast? I ain't dumb. It makes for a good story.
Today Victoria had a Fiesta party. I baked some cookies that were devoured greedily. I went over for an hour or so. I just felt so out of place. I just ate and ran.
Nothing else.
I did go out to breakfast with Mike yesterday. Sometimes we just need time alone. We had a fun time as usual. We got to cruise some hot guys. Funny how club people go to Jim's after a hard night of clubbing.
At least I think these are club people. Who else is gonna be with a hot stud for breakfast? I ain't dumb. It makes for a good story.
Today Victoria had a Fiesta party. I baked some cookies that were devoured greedily. I went over for an hour or so. I just felt so out of place. I just ate and ran.
Nothing else.
22 April 2014
Easter
Are you sitting down? I went to Easter service with Mike and Tony. Hard to believe the church didn't burn down and there was no lightening. It was overcast though.
We went to Metropolitan Community Church. That's a gay church. Everyone was very friendly and shook my hand and made me feel welcome.
The service was different than the Catholic services I'm used to. They did do communion which I did not participate in. There was a lot of singing and hand waving. It was interesting.
The best part of it was that we went to lunch afterward. Hey, if I don't have to cook, it's great. We went to EZ's and had burgers and pizza. The plus is they serve Pepsi, you know me and Pepsi. It just tastes a whole lot better than other colas.
Chiflaco out.
We went to Metropolitan Community Church. That's a gay church. Everyone was very friendly and shook my hand and made me feel welcome.
The service was different than the Catholic services I'm used to. They did do communion which I did not participate in. There was a lot of singing and hand waving. It was interesting.
The best part of it was that we went to lunch afterward. Hey, if I don't have to cook, it's great. We went to EZ's and had burgers and pizza. The plus is they serve Pepsi, you know me and Pepsi. It just tastes a whole lot better than other colas.
Chiflaco out.
19 April 2014
Leticia
Went to lunch with Leticia Thursday. We haven't seen each other in two years. She used to work downtown so we were able to see each other frequently. But her work relocated to the Pearl Brewery and we kind of lost track of each other.
We went to pick up her fiancé. Just found out she's getting married. Friday of all days. Mike is a good guy. They seem well suited for each other. I'm glad for her. We had a great lunch at Luther's. We visited and laughed.
She was getting married Friday and I forgot all about it. Some friend I turned out to be. I had hoped to be the flower girl. LOL. I could just see me drizzling petals down the aisle! Good for her.
Chiflaco out.
We went to pick up her fiancé. Just found out she's getting married. Friday of all days. Mike is a good guy. They seem well suited for each other. I'm glad for her. We had a great lunch at Luther's. We visited and laughed.
She was getting married Friday and I forgot all about it. Some friend I turned out to be. I had hoped to be the flower girl. LOL. I could just see me drizzling petals down the aisle! Good for her.
Chiflaco out.
15 April 2014
I Hate VIA!!!
For those that don't know, VIA is the transit system here in San Antonio. The nuns used to say not to use the word hate because it is too strong. Well, I abhor, detest, and loathe VIA.
They recently introduced an electronic bus fare program. You swipe the card and it's good for 31 days. Sounds easy. One would think.
People swipe and swipe and the thing says 'Card not Valid.' No matter how many times we swipe we get that obnoxious announcement. It slows down everybody. We that are on the bus already are frustrated at this. The people getting on get frustrated. We look forward to the ding that allows us to get on board.
The other way to get on is to insert the card the first time you use it and it's good for the 31 days. When we swipe and it doesn't go through, we can insert the card and it will let us on. Most often than not, the bus driver gets frustrated also and snatches the card from us and inserts it.
Also, for paying riders, they have to pay and this slows the bus down also. It sometimes takes a few tries for it to accept dollar bills and the person and the bus driver both get frustrated.
When one gets on with a half-off ID, one shows the ID and swipes the bus pass. Again, one gets that obnoxious message, 'Card Not Valid.' When it finally registers, we get the message to 'Please Show ID.' Again, frustrating.
They need to figure out a better way to do this. In the old days I just showed my bus pass and got on. Now I have to swipe and show my ID. When we go shopping, we have to balance our shopping to get on board.
Chiflaco out.
They recently introduced an electronic bus fare program. You swipe the card and it's good for 31 days. Sounds easy. One would think.
People swipe and swipe and the thing says 'Card not Valid.' No matter how many times we swipe we get that obnoxious announcement. It slows down everybody. We that are on the bus already are frustrated at this. The people getting on get frustrated. We look forward to the ding that allows us to get on board.
The other way to get on is to insert the card the first time you use it and it's good for the 31 days. When we swipe and it doesn't go through, we can insert the card and it will let us on. Most often than not, the bus driver gets frustrated also and snatches the card from us and inserts it.
Also, for paying riders, they have to pay and this slows the bus down also. It sometimes takes a few tries for it to accept dollar bills and the person and the bus driver both get frustrated.
When one gets on with a half-off ID, one shows the ID and swipes the bus pass. Again, one gets that obnoxious message, 'Card Not Valid.' When it finally registers, we get the message to 'Please Show ID.' Again, frustrating.
They need to figure out a better way to do this. In the old days I just showed my bus pass and got on. Now I have to swipe and show my ID. When we go shopping, we have to balance our shopping to get on board.
Chiflaco out.
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