I don't plan these thoughts in my mind, their just there. Yesterday and today I spent most of the day in bed. I had three naps today. And then I woke up and stayed in bed for a while.
The clock says 5,08 but it seems longer. I don't know. I am seeing a psychiatrist and a counselor but I'm still here in my comfortable fetal position.
As usual, Jean Luc is always there to comfort me. Either that or I'm sleeping like a cat. I mean every time I wake up and he's there. Maybe that's the reason he's so chiflado.
More later...
29 February 2012
24 February 2012
Downer
Hello Everyone! What a difference a day makes. One day I was manic about cleaning everything, and then the next day I was depressed and stayed in bed. I've been staying in bed a lot recently.
Chiflado gets the blues and there's nothing to help him. Not even the happy pills work when I get like this. Wish I had just one pill to get everything over and done with. When my doctor or the nutritionist ask if there's anything I need, I always say cyanide which they laugh off.
For some reason I manage to move forward and challenge whatever comes my way. People say I was put here for a reason and I always come on top.
Chiff out.
Chiflado gets the blues and there's nothing to help him. Not even the happy pills work when I get like this. Wish I had just one pill to get everything over and done with. When my doctor or the nutritionist ask if there's anything I need, I always say cyanide which they laugh off.
For some reason I manage to move forward and challenge whatever comes my way. People say I was put here for a reason and I always come on top.
Chiff out.
23 February 2012
Blue Boy
It's that time of the year. I am depressed and don't know why. I was in bed most of the day in the fetal position. I'm in a bother or burden state of mind. Yes I take my meds, but nothing works when I'm in this mood.
Some has to do with the month. February is always a monetary problem. Even when I was working, it sneaked up on me. Days go by in and out of my life, hard to keep track of.
I was talking to HP tonight and told me I'm ready for the oven. It's one of those I want to die kind of mood. My funeral was taken care of way back in 1980. I really need to get a new copy. I have the carbon copies and they're kinda hard to read. My friend C laughed at the part where I will be disposed of immediately and no service. Of course there will not be a notice in the paper. Do you know expensive that is? Besides, I am a nobody and have lived with that all my life.
We'll see what happens next. I really try my best but I feel like a fraud most of the time. And on that note, I will say good night.
Chiffie out.
Some has to do with the month. February is always a monetary problem. Even when I was working, it sneaked up on me. Days go by in and out of my life, hard to keep track of.
I was talking to HP tonight and told me I'm ready for the oven. It's one of those I want to die kind of mood. My funeral was taken care of way back in 1980. I really need to get a new copy. I have the carbon copies and they're kinda hard to read. My friend C laughed at the part where I will be disposed of immediately and no service. Of course there will not be a notice in the paper. Do you know expensive that is? Besides, I am a nobody and have lived with that all my life.
We'll see what happens next. I really try my best but I feel like a fraud most of the time. And on that note, I will say good night.
Chiffie out.
19 February 2012
Nasty Taste
I spent part of the day spewing breakfast and lunch. I was careful with dinner and had a bagel. I think I got a tad ambitious with today. But it was not to be.
Of course I spent most of the day in bed and getting up to take care of business. The other times I do get up in the middle of the night and see if any of the guys want to come out.
And then when I least expected, I started vomiting again. At least there was no blood this time around.
HP knows what I'm going through, he's gone through several of my symptons, so he can be there for me. He really tries his best, but sometimes I'm just not in the mood.
Don't worry. It comes and goes. I like it when it comes along and I can get things done for him. He is a very special man who saved me several times.
Chiffie
Of course I spent most of the day in bed and getting up to take care of business. The other times I do get up in the middle of the night and see if any of the guys want to come out.
And then when I least expected, I started vomiting again. At least there was no blood this time around.
HP knows what I'm going through, he's gone through several of my symptons, so he can be there for me. He really tries his best, but sometimes I'm just not in the mood.
Don't worry. It comes and goes. I like it when it comes along and I can get things done for him. He is a very special man who saved me several times.
Chiffie
17 February 2012
Waiting
I've waited all week for the chair to be delivered. I just got frustrated with the whole mess. They did say they would deliver if I paid for delivery. Otherwise I have to wait until there's another downtown delivery.
If it's not raining tomorrow, D and her husband L will take me to get the chair. A lot depends on what they say when I call again tomorrow. I hate waiting.
HP came over with Subway's subs and the last two DVDs in the Harry Potter series. Loved it. HP says we saw the last one together. I don't remember it. That's a plus when my memory disappears and everything is new to me.
We'll see what tomorrow brings. I just want my chair.
Chiffie out.
If it's not raining tomorrow, D and her husband L will take me to get the chair. A lot depends on what they say when I call again tomorrow. I hate waiting.
HP came over with Subway's subs and the last two DVDs in the Harry Potter series. Loved it. HP says we saw the last one together. I don't remember it. That's a plus when my memory disappears and everything is new to me.
We'll see what tomorrow brings. I just want my chair.
Chiffie out.
15 February 2012
Merry Maid
It came outta nowhere. I got the clean bug. I went on a cleaning rampage. I swept, mopped, and vacuumed. This was easy. Tomorrow I might hit the tub. The infamous tub that was my torture chamber not so long ago. Still seams like it was last week rather than a year and a half.
I even washed my bed spread and JL's pillow. He loves it when I do laundry and he goes crazy with the warmth and scent. Sho'nuf, he went crazy with the spread and then he ran to his pillow and started sniffing and kicking around. He's such a spoiled child.
Nothing else going on. I've spent this past week waiting to get a chair I got at Desks Galore. They advertise on TV, so I thought I'd get better service. The ad says they will deliver the next day. What they don't say is there is a $90 for that delivery. My chair will magically appear when they have other deliveries in downtown. In other words, wait.
Ya'll have a fabulous day.
Chiff
I even washed my bed spread and JL's pillow. He loves it when I do laundry and he goes crazy with the warmth and scent. Sho'nuf, he went crazy with the spread and then he ran to his pillow and started sniffing and kicking around. He's such a spoiled child.
Nothing else going on. I've spent this past week waiting to get a chair I got at Desks Galore. They advertise on TV, so I thought I'd get better service. The ad says they will deliver the next day. What they don't say is there is a $90 for that delivery. My chair will magically appear when they have other deliveries in downtown. In other words, wait.
Ya'll have a fabulous day.
Chiff
Birthday Boy
Happy 38th birthday to fabulous singer Robbie Williams. So many images to choose on him. I got this just because I prefer black and white pictures.
11 February 2012
Birthday Boy
Happy 51st Birthday to hottie George Stephanopoulos. He's got the whole package going, nice smile, hot nalgas, and that award winning smile.
10 February 2012
A Babe!
So there I was getting into the elevator when I heard a voice to hold it for him. Hold what =)
In he walked with his bike. His name is F and he's gotta be at least 6'7", I mean I had to look up to him. My eyes were in front of his nipples which is one of the things that I find attractive in a man.
So we introduced each other and I gave him my name and unit number. He's probably in his late teens early twenties. He's so young. I could be an older brother to him. More like a grandmother I can hear HP say.
We've seen each other more and more often. I want him. But he's so young. He looks like he's twelve or something like that.
I'm forever looking for him to casually bump into him. Guess I'll keep you abreast, get it?, of the situation.
Chiffie
In he walked with his bike. His name is F and he's gotta be at least 6'7", I mean I had to look up to him. My eyes were in front of his nipples which is one of the things that I find attractive in a man.
So we introduced each other and I gave him my name and unit number. He's probably in his late teens early twenties. He's so young. I could be an older brother to him. More like a grandmother I can hear HP say.
We've seen each other more and more often. I want him. But he's so young. He looks like he's twelve or something like that.
I'm forever looking for him to casually bump into him. Guess I'll keep you abreast, get it?, of the situation.
Chiffie
09 February 2012
Hectic Thursday
I almost wrote Friday, it was kinda sorta bad day. I waited for 30 minutes for the 91 Fredericksburg Rd skip stop. Then we hit the train waiting more time. Then the bus driver said one of the tires was flat and we could wait for another bus or go to the stops we just left or the coming stop.
I stayed put. Sho'nuf we walked to the new bus. The route does not stop at the next stop but we did today because of the flat. So we got everybody back in and what do you think happened? We had another train! !Ahi Caramba!
So I get to the stop I needed which was on the opposite side of Fredericksburg. So there I was schlepping through all the mess. Traffic was horrible of course. I finally made it to the suite of my psychiatrist and there were six buildings to choose from.
Being the adventurer that I am, I went into the first building and voila!, there it was. I was PO'd until I opened the door and was greeted with nice calming music. I filled out paperwork and was immediately taken in to Dr J's office.
Dr J is my kinda man. He's attractive and smart and listens and remembers everything I've talked to him about. A man who listens?, again, how often do you see that?
We had a nice visit. I calmed down with him and updated my chart and talked about a medication suggested by my neurologist. So that was that, I crossed over to the shopping strip and got me some bagels. They were out of my favourite bagel, but the manager said next time I go out I can call ahead and they'll have a fresh batch waiting for me.
Then I caught up with HP and had dinner at the Black Eyed Pea. He too had an exhausting day at work. We were gonna do HEB, but he was too tired and I was semi-frazzled, so we can go tomorrow.
I finally came home and had me a fabulous refreshing beverage. And how was your day?
Chif out
I stayed put. Sho'nuf we walked to the new bus. The route does not stop at the next stop but we did today because of the flat. So we got everybody back in and what do you think happened? We had another train! !Ahi Caramba!
So I get to the stop I needed which was on the opposite side of Fredericksburg. So there I was schlepping through all the mess. Traffic was horrible of course. I finally made it to the suite of my psychiatrist and there were six buildings to choose from.
Being the adventurer that I am, I went into the first building and voila!, there it was. I was PO'd until I opened the door and was greeted with nice calming music. I filled out paperwork and was immediately taken in to Dr J's office.
Dr J is my kinda man. He's attractive and smart and listens and remembers everything I've talked to him about. A man who listens?, again, how often do you see that?
We had a nice visit. I calmed down with him and updated my chart and talked about a medication suggested by my neurologist. So that was that, I crossed over to the shopping strip and got me some bagels. They were out of my favourite bagel, but the manager said next time I go out I can call ahead and they'll have a fresh batch waiting for me.
Then I caught up with HP and had dinner at the Black Eyed Pea. He too had an exhausting day at work. We were gonna do HEB, but he was too tired and I was semi-frazzled, so we can go tomorrow.
I finally came home and had me a fabulous refreshing beverage. And how was your day?
Chif out
Birthday Boy
Happy 57th birthday to Jim J. Bullock. Remember him from Too Close for Comfort and the middle square on TV's Hollywood Squares.
05 February 2012
Moody
HP and I got together Friday and I'd just gotten home from the doctor's office. We had lunch at Oasis and by the time I got home I wasn't feeling well.
I lay down while he surfed the net. I was very out of it and he gave me a great massage, from what I remember. Finally it was decided that he would go home and we'd get together Saturday.
I fell asleep and woke up feeling worse. I was burning up yet the thermometer reading was 97. Hmmmm.
I had talked to D and her husband L were gonna take me to look at a chair for the apartment. I called to cancel and she sounded concerned. It's the AIDS is what I like to say.
I did get together with HP Saturday but my mind's blank on what we did. Purple 13 likes to call it a senior moment. I have them all the time and I sometimes am in the middle of a sentence I forget and just say I got lost. I keep getting lost more and more frequently.
Nice way to start a month.
Chiffie out.
I lay down while he surfed the net. I was very out of it and he gave me a great massage, from what I remember. Finally it was decided that he would go home and we'd get together Saturday.
I fell asleep and woke up feeling worse. I was burning up yet the thermometer reading was 97. Hmmmm.
I had talked to D and her husband L were gonna take me to look at a chair for the apartment. I called to cancel and she sounded concerned. It's the AIDS is what I like to say.
I did get together with HP Saturday but my mind's blank on what we did. Purple 13 likes to call it a senior moment. I have them all the time and I sometimes am in the middle of a sentence I forget and just say I got lost. I keep getting lost more and more frequently.
Nice way to start a month.
Chiffie out.
30 January 2012
Eating
It's weird but some days I'm not hungry. I do go through the routine of eating something, so I kinda have to force myself to eat something.
I went to group today and we got stuck in the rain. I caught the trolley that leaves me in front of my apartment. I came home and again not hungry. I did have a bagel and that was it for the night.
When I got home Jean Luc had a shit fit. He was meowing like there was no tomorrow. He jumped into my arms and started licking my hand. It took him a while to calm down. Nice to be missed.
I think he just acted that way because he was hungry, but that wasn't it. I filled his bowl but he was still following me around the apartment. When I was ready to give him some loving, he decided to eat and then curled in his pillow next to the computer. He was out and slept a good four hours.
Chiffie out.
I went to group today and we got stuck in the rain. I caught the trolley that leaves me in front of my apartment. I came home and again not hungry. I did have a bagel and that was it for the night.
When I got home Jean Luc had a shit fit. He was meowing like there was no tomorrow. He jumped into my arms and started licking my hand. It took him a while to calm down. Nice to be missed.
I think he just acted that way because he was hungry, but that wasn't it. I filled his bowl but he was still following me around the apartment. When I was ready to give him some loving, he decided to eat and then curled in his pillow next to the computer. He was out and slept a good four hours.
Chiffie out.
Pills!
My weekly medications. Thought I was lying? My meds are mostly paid by my insurance. There is one that I'm responsible, but it's only about $6.00.Chif out.
28 January 2012
Bowel Movements
I will never understand nurses' concern about bowel movements. I never used to move for the life of me.
I've been more active bowel movement wise. Today I had four! Maybe I'll shit myself away. LOL.
A quiet day today. HP came over and we did breakfast at Oasis. I also got breakfast tacos for tomorrow morning.
Nothing else to report. Just getting ready for bed.
Chiffie out.
I've been more active bowel movement wise. Today I had four! Maybe I'll shit myself away. LOL.
A quiet day today. HP came over and we did breakfast at Oasis. I also got breakfast tacos for tomorrow morning.
Nothing else to report. Just getting ready for bed.
Chiffie out.
27 January 2012
Just Schleping
Had a great day today. HP came over as usual and we visited for a while. Then the idea for lunch came up. After naying several choices, we decided on Olive Garden. I hadn't been in decades.
Our waiter was gorgeous of course. I wonder if management looks especially for hotties. But there were several and I loved it. HP told me several times to stick my tongue back where it belongs.
Lunch was great as always and the dessert was mouth watering orgasmic. That was the first taste. I took my sweet time savoring it all.
While we were there we went to Target. I had to get some new chones. :-0 remember? Then we parted ways for the day. We'll see us tomorrow. He's been giving me manicures, he's such an angel.
And here we are. I did forget that he went to Einstein's and got me some of my favourite bagels. So I'm set for the week. Sometimes I just have a bagel for dinner for those weird days that I'm not hungry. Me? not hungry? yeah right. But I do have my days.
Chiffie out.
Our waiter was gorgeous of course. I wonder if management looks especially for hotties. But there were several and I loved it. HP told me several times to stick my tongue back where it belongs.
Lunch was great as always and the dessert was mouth watering orgasmic. That was the first taste. I took my sweet time savoring it all.
While we were there we went to Target. I had to get some new chones. :-0 remember? Then we parted ways for the day. We'll see us tomorrow. He's been giving me manicures, he's such an angel.
And here we are. I did forget that he went to Einstein's and got me some of my favourite bagels. So I'm set for the week. Sometimes I just have a bagel for dinner for those weird days that I'm not hungry. Me? not hungry? yeah right. But I do have my days.
Chiffie out.
23 January 2012
Pity Party for 1
My depression rolled over to this week. There's nothing to do just let it pass. I've tried all the things but it's still there. There will be a level in my system.
This morning I spent talking to people all around. I think it was in August that I got my hearing tested and was told I need a hearing aid. Like hello, everybody I know knows that.
Turns out that Humana would not pay for my hearing aid. Now turns out Aetna will pay for some of it. I'm kinda out of this but they will pay the amount I forgot. I still have $650 outta pocket for it. That got me down again.
I'm working with the doctor's office on this and they referred me to another agency that might pay the amount. So I need to call them in the morning to see what's going on.
Chiflado out.
This morning I spent talking to people all around. I think it was in August that I got my hearing tested and was told I need a hearing aid. Like hello, everybody I know knows that.
Turns out that Humana would not pay for my hearing aid. Now turns out Aetna will pay for some of it. I'm kinda out of this but they will pay the amount I forgot. I still have $650 outta pocket for it. That got me down again.
I'm working with the doctor's office on this and they referred me to another agency that might pay the amount. So I need to call them in the morning to see what's going on.
Chiflado out.
Chinese New Year
Today marks the Year of the Dragon in the Chinese calendar. If there are any Dragons out there, give me a holler. I myself am a Dog always looking for a woofing time.The more I look at this tattoo, the more I like it. Hmmmm...I do have seven tatts already. Think about an even amount of tatts.
Chiffie out.
22 January 2012
Marcel Proust
Spent another day in bed. I'm trying to control this. I just wish it would stop and leave me alone.
Sometimes there are periods where things seem worst than they are, I'm there right now. I have to ride it out. Yes I'm on meds and they work sometimes and often, but I'm still where I started earlier.
Some people call it depression and some say it's me going through the change. Yeah, right. I just call it normal. I've been normal for over 40 years. I actually remember depression as a child. Of course it took me years to figure out, but when I was finally diagnosed, it all fell into place. The light bulb went on all of a sudden.
I could have done so much more had I this knowledge. Today was spent in bed all day again. I had three naps today. I swear I'm turning into a Jean Luc. If I could lick my privates then I would say I was feline.
But I'm just me, Chiflado. All my friends now know me as Chiflado. And Honey, I am Chiflado with a capital C. A lot of people have said plain out that I just need a good fuck. Sad to say I never walked up to anybody and asked for a dance, a light, something. But I prefer it when they come up and talk to them and see where it goes.
Chiffie out.
Sometimes there are periods where things seem worst than they are, I'm there right now. I have to ride it out. Yes I'm on meds and they work sometimes and often, but I'm still where I started earlier.
Some people call it depression and some say it's me going through the change. Yeah, right. I just call it normal. I've been normal for over 40 years. I actually remember depression as a child. Of course it took me years to figure out, but when I was finally diagnosed, it all fell into place. The light bulb went on all of a sudden.
I could have done so much more had I this knowledge. Today was spent in bed all day again. I had three naps today. I swear I'm turning into a Jean Luc. If I could lick my privates then I would say I was feline.
But I'm just me, Chiflado. All my friends now know me as Chiflado. And Honey, I am Chiflado with a capital C. A lot of people have said plain out that I just need a good fuck. Sad to say I never walked up to anybody and asked for a dance, a light, something. But I prefer it when they come up and talk to them and see where it goes.
Chiffie out.
21 January 2012
Panic V Anxiety
I'm in one of my moods as usual. I forget the difference between panic and anxiety attacks. At least I stay home. The other times I've gotten them I've been out and about.
It just comes out for minutes or hours. The other day I got one one block from home. All of a sudden the earth shook and I was like in jello where everything moved around me. I just walked faster and got home in time to hide them.
I woke up with these feelings and stayed in bed all day. I'm having a hard day of numbness. I get these feelings all over and I get them to the point where I shake all over. Right now I'm having what I like to say, are mini-orgasms.
They're absolutely fabulous. They get to the point of wanting a cigarette which I don't have but do hang with the smoking neighbours. I want to have sex just to see if it's the same thing. Like I need sex these days. Been there done that.
I'm having a glass of Gallo Sambria. I always get compliments from male buyers at the stores. I didn't know it's that good. Girl, I know nothing about booze just that it's good for us. When HP threw away his booze and brought it over for me to entertain with them. Der! Honey I went threw them like in one week. Throw away the booze...Honey, that's just alcoholic abuse if you ask me.
More later.
It just comes out for minutes or hours. The other day I got one one block from home. All of a sudden the earth shook and I was like in jello where everything moved around me. I just walked faster and got home in time to hide them.
I woke up with these feelings and stayed in bed all day. I'm having a hard day of numbness. I get these feelings all over and I get them to the point where I shake all over. Right now I'm having what I like to say, are mini-orgasms.
They're absolutely fabulous. They get to the point of wanting a cigarette which I don't have but do hang with the smoking neighbours. I want to have sex just to see if it's the same thing. Like I need sex these days. Been there done that.
I'm having a glass of Gallo Sambria. I always get compliments from male buyers at the stores. I didn't know it's that good. Girl, I know nothing about booze just that it's good for us. When HP threw away his booze and brought it over for me to entertain with them. Der! Honey I went threw them like in one week. Throw away the booze...Honey, that's just alcoholic abuse if you ask me.
More later.
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