Still scared...

I actually went out twice today. Of course the big thing for me is to figure out what day of the week it is before getting started. I made it back in about an hour and 1/2.

Something was on my mind but I could not figure out what it was. Then I looked at my calendar, I saw I had a dinner at La Margarita.

I think that's when it hit. Shallow breathing, sweats, I even got dizzy spells. Don't know if that's a symptom of panic attack or anxiety attack. The evening one started in my apartment, I got to the lobby and I turned to walk back but I nearly bumped into someone. So I aimed toward the door. I stayed there for almost 5 minutes before I finally opened the door and walked out and felt the heat of the day.

It's sad when opening a door is a feeling of accomplishment and I did it all alone, so there. The lecture du jour was Substance Abuse and HIV and Larry is a great presenter and the whole presentation went smoothly.

I really hate these dizzy spells. I feel like I'm gonna faint at any moment.
And the AIDSheimer's keeps getting worse. I can tell what you were wearing last week, but I cannot recall that I saw you today. HP was laughing so hard Sunday when I attempted to say something, but was like my brain was saying one thing and my mouth was saying another thing.

Thanks for putting up me,

Birthday Boy

Happy 25th Birthday to the great Michael Phelps. Oh what I wouldn't do in his underwater castle. Check out the pic for the bulge.

Birthday Girl

Happy 53rd Birthday to Maria Conchita Alonzo. Born in Cuba then moved to Venezuela with her family. She's great in comedies, dramas, and thrillers.

Monday Support Group

I know somewhere I blogged about this group. This one focuses more on addictions, so I fit in perfectly. I would have skipped this group tonight but the Manager was passing out monthly bus passes for July.

Then we had a round the table discussions to see how we were all doing. As usual I was the last and I had THE story. As soon as I said 'I have cancer,' the group got very quiet. It's like what does someone say to that? Then it was time up, so I was not able to continue with my problem. Maybe next time.

Sunday Group

Went to our Sunday social yesterday even though I wasn't in the mood. I just prefer to stay home is all. It was my usual routine, cawfee, toast, and then lounge around until 1,30 or thereabouts to bathe and get dressed. I usually take the 3,20 bus and I'm at MCC around 3,30.

We were a small group yesterday, only four of us showed up. We yakked it up like always. More would be great, but there are guys that come and go, even Chiflado has stayed away to just do nothing at home, to be Garboesque as it were.

Birthday Boy

Mazol Tov! Happy 68th Birthday to a great funny man, Mel Brooks. Mel is one of a selected few who has been able to take his work from one medium and focused it on another, i.e. The Producers. And he's starred, produced, written, and/or directed in films and on Broadway.

Birthday Girl

Happy 55th Birthday to ageless, French beauty, Isabelle Adjani. Isabelle has made some great drama and comedies.

Birthday Boy

Happy 40th Birthday to Sean Hayes of 'Will & Grace' fame. Currently on Broadway, Sean also directs and produces for television.

Birthday Girl

Happy 85th Birthday to June Lockhart. Here we see her on the phone as usual. Kewl phone though. She was also the mother on Lassie. What's that girl? Timmy's down in the well?

Sorry

I have been playing hooky from my blog for no reason or maybe I've forgotten I have a blog. It is nice to hear from 2 of my thousands of fans out there.

Actually I've been a little afraid to go out lately. This AIDSheimers is really beginning to stress me out. There are times when I go out and forget where I'm going. And I've been walking around in a daze kinda like seeing everything out of focus.

So I stay home and avoid all contact with the outside world. When I do go out I make a list of places to go and why I'm going. I also have some fun hallucinations plus I'm having dizzy spells and I just have to sit down and catch my breath and wait until the spinning stops.

And then when I do feel better, I get on-line and my tremors kick in, but when I start working, my hands start banging at the keyboard. Dr J did prescribe something he felt would stop the shakes and it worked, but it works for just a few hours. And now I'm getting involuntary movement all over. My head, legs, and arms all twitch on their own.

And so, I'm scared. Stay home, nobody will see it. And I haven't vomited since April. I look to the future and can't really anything because of the smog.

More later...

Birthday Boy

Happy 33rd Birthday to singer/song writer Jason Mraz. Mraz hails from VA and is mostly recognized in the adult/contemporary category.

Birthday Boy

Happy 31st Birthday to Jai Rodriguez of 'Queer Eye' fame. He's gay, hawt, out, and handsome.

Birthday Boy

Happy 28th Birthday to Prince William. Diana did a good job with both her boys. I chose this photo because it's BxW, shows off his stunning nose, and check out those kissable lips.

Birthday Boy

Happy 39th Birthday to major hawtie Josh Lucas. As far as I've seen, I do not think there exists a bad Lucas film, we're just too busy looking at him to wonder what the movie is all about. And check out those thighs, seksi!

Birthday Girl

Happy 48th Birthday to Paula Abdul. She had some great dance music in the 80's before she was a judge on American Idol. Idol is just not the same without her, and even more now that Simon has left also.

Birthday Boy

Happy 68th Birthday to Sir Paul McCartney who along with John Lennon wrote some of their generation's greatest music.

Birthday Boy

Happy 47th Birthday to Greg Kinnear. I think he got his start on cable television's 'Talk Soup' if I'm not mistaken. Nowadays he's on the big screen in comedies and dramas.

Mental Health Day/Ladies Luncheon

I went to see Dr K for my monthly visit today. She finally noticed the weight loss and I thanked her for that compliment. We talked about other things before I dropped my bomb. A month she said?

She's also been saying I should ask somebody to go with me to these appointments so I can have a second set of ears listening and asking questions. We shall see. Overall it was a good session and nice to have someone else to talk to about my problems.

I got an email from P13 asking me to lunch and I said sure, just say where. She brought R again and we walked over to the Lone Star Cafe on the Riverwalk. She read my blog so she knew what was going on. She wet noodled me.

At least when I go back I'll have a list of questions to ask. I'm planning on typing questions up, so if any of you who have been through this, please help me by asking questions in the comments field.

After lunch I said good-bye then took the trolly to the pharmacy then the library. Gurl had a busy day. I was ready for nap, but I was too tired to sleep, so I just sat in my recliner with my eyes closed.

More later...

Birthday Boy

Happy 48th Birthday to Arnold Vosloo, quite the charming mummy in two of The Mummy franchise. Do my eyes deceive me or does he not look 48? Either way, the man is hawt.

Results

I went to get the results of last week's surgery. Being quite the optimist, I told my doctor nothing's wrong, right? He said no, but I need to check you out today.

He said I was healing fine. Then he dropped the bomb. He said I have a cancer. A cancer. There are so many can you narrow it down. He said it was a skin cancer and I was instantly struck speechless.

He said he wanted to see me in a month. A month? All I can figure on this wait is that he's probably gonna talk to a dermatologist or oncologist to get more information. And that was that.

Now I have a month to let it sink in. Of course I came home and went to Webmd.com to get some information. There are three major forms of skin cancer, the one that jumped out at me was Kaposi Sarcoma which HIV patients get.

That's all I know for now. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.