'Bout Last Night...

I did something I hadn't done since my sister passed away, I cried myself to sleep. I couldn't help it. I was just surfing the net, minding my own business. I don't know what triggered it, but the tears just started flowing.

Granted I have something to look forward to next week, and I've always considered myself a strong person, but it's still there. I will walk to the hospital and check myself in and they will take a piece of my colon as HP so calmly put it. Well that's a whole different subject, since you put it that way, I can relax some!

I didn't even enjoy playing with my dolls. My nightly routine is shower and then play on the net until HP calls. Part of the routine is taking 11 pills which I call dolls, as in Valley of The Dolls, and I start popping pill after pill in the same order every night. For added panache I have a glass of wine to really enjoy the moment.

Last night just didn't do it. It was a Kleenex night and the only good thing I can say about it was I had no difficulty falling asleep. Even Jean Luc knew something was amiss, he kept his distance and didn't make a sound. That cat is one smart cat.

On the bright side, I got my DNR signed. Tick, tock, tick, tock...

Birthday Boy

Happy 34th Birthday to Colin Farrell, hot Scottish actor. Kudos on the 5 o'clock shadow.

Birthday Girl

Happy 39th Birthday to Irina Menzel famous for 'Rent' and her Tony award performance as Elfaba in 'Wicked' which Chiflado loved.

Birthday Boy

Happy 51st Birthday to UK hottie Rupert Everett. Okay, the guy's hawt, speaks French, and he's openly gay. Great in any role, he never lets you down.

Anxious...

Scared. Depressed. Angry even. My surgery looms in my future and there's nothing I can do but think about it. HP says I shouldn't worry about it because they scheduled it so far ahead whereas if it were serious they would have scheduled it asap.

I just know I'm going stir crazy and can't seem to focus on anything right now. I just want that tumor out and then I have to wait a week for a follow up and see what the doc says.

And then I've been having tummy problems like never before. It's difficult to find anything that agrees with me. Most nights I just have some crackers and a banana. And I've been guzzling Maalox like water it's that bad. I wonder if it's stress related.

Birthday Boy

Happy 31st Birthday to his Hawtness Jesse Bradford. Nothing like a man with 5 o'clock shadow. He's done comedy, thrillers, and drama, and he never lets me down.

Birthday Boy

Happy 40th Birthday to Joseph Fiennes, hawt thespian younger brother of Ralph. He first came to our attention in a little movie called 'Shakespeare in Love' and we fell in love with him and his schnozz!

Birthday Boy

A birthday shout out to Betty Crocker up in the Dallas
area. I think he's in his 30's but we love him anyway.
We nicknamed him Betty because he used to bring us these scrumptious desserts to our Sunday group that was an explosion of love in each bite. We love and miss you Betty.

Lee DeWyze

If anyone's still watching American Idol, yeah, it's been a lackluster season, please vote for Lee. He's the best of the two left. The other is a one-trick pony where all her songs sound alike, whereas Lee is hawt and has grown and improved the most throughout the show. Remember, Chiflado thinks this is like a train wreck where you can't help but look.

Birthday Boy

Happy 53rd Birthday to one of my cherished friends, Mess. My life would be so black and white without him. I wish him nothing but great luck and happiness today and everyday. I love my Mess.

Evan Lycacek

Let's hear it for the boy! He got a perfect 30 on one of his dances on 'Dancing with the Has Beens' last week. This week is the finale so let's keep voting for him. His voting number is 1.800.868.3406, vote and redial!

Birthday Girl

Happy 66th Birthday to Patti LaBelle. Patti has had several incarnations in her career. She taught me a little bit of French in 'Lady Marmalade' and she always brings the house down with her version of 'Over the Rainbow. You go girl.

Birthday Girl

Lovely and ageless diva Joan Collins turns 77 years old today if you can believe it. Mostly known for playing bitches, she had her biggest success on night time soap opera 'Dynasty.'

Wacky Week

Wow! This has been an interesting week for the Posse. HP wasn't feeling well so he went to the doctor. Turns out his glucose level was over 400! As a diabetic he should know better. He thought it was something worse.

We still don't know the story on Mess but his foot was in his mouth again and it got infected. He was in Urgent Care and is bedridden and has a friend over daily and his sister in the evening looking out after him.

And me, I'm only depressed. Anxious even. I have this surgery looming in my future. I wish they wouldn't have scheduled it so far ahead. I just want to get it over and done with and get some results back asap.

But we're big boys and we'll get through whatever comes our way.

Birthday Girl

Happy 64th Birthday to ageless Diva Cher.

Chiflado Update

One good thing about my therapist is she gets things done. She listens. I told her about my DNR problem and she said she could get Dr M to counter-sign the form. So imagine my surprise when our nutritionist showed up with an envelope for me at dinner! Now I can take that in to my case manager and get it notarized and copied and whatever.

I already forgot what the topic was about. I just know the presenter is a vivacious man full of energy. Dinner was grilled chicken breast with grilled veggies, rice and beans. Not your typical Mexican restaurant fare but something I'm sure our fabulous nutritionist had input in.

Mental Health Day

Went to see my therapist today after a few months absence. She gets booked very quickly. I'm already booked for June and July.

She got an earful. So much has happened since I've seen her. Ya'll know so I won't go into details. She did say it's understandable to be depressed after a surgery only to face another. So I guess it's normal for me to feel the way I'm feeling, the anxiety, maybe that's what's contributing to my nausea.

She wasn't surprised that I walked to the hospital for my gall bladder surgery and will more than likely walk back for this surgery. I already have a ride lined up. I just hope they start on time this time around.

I'm off to dinner at La Margarita sponsored by Centromed this afternoon.

Birthday Girl

Happy 62nd Birthday to Disco Diva Grace. Chiflado loved her rendition of 'La Vie en Rose' among her many hits.

Scared

It's getting a bit scary for me on so many levels. My AIDSheimers is getting worst. I have to write down where I'm going and what I'm gonna do. Coming home is easy because it's my center point. If I didn't have to go out I'd be quite satisfied, but I'm still trying to be as independent as possible.

My tremors have gotten worst also. I find other parts of my body shaking along with my hands, arms, and lips. Last night at a pot luck I could barely eat I was shaking so bad. And then I got a ride to Walgreens and I felt like I was gonna pass out. I was walking like I was drunk.

This of course is not healthy for me. It's really bringing me down. I find myself crying for no reason, but the reasons are many. The plus side is I get to see my analyst tomorrow and she's good at calming the savage beast.

I'm off to the store. I don't need a reminder because I have my recycle bags and there's only one reason for them. Duh. Wish me luck.

Birthday Boy

Happy 58th Birthday to Texas babe George Straight. George has won multiple awards and his albums go platinum real quick. Nothing like seeing a Straight concert live if you're lucky.