Modest Moi

I normally wouldn’t say anything like this but Mess made me think of it. I am the first to admit that I’m modest, it doesn’t take much to please me. I’m used to being overlooked.

I’m just gonna put it out there. I’m having a great hair month. There, I said it. I usually get a free haircut at the Foundation, but the stylist hasn’t shown up in a few months and my hair was an absolute mess.

I went to an old fashioned barber shop at the Gunter Hotel one day. I took a photo of how I wanted my hair and waited anxiously. In fifteen minutes, he took me from hell to glorious. I think he cut my hair twice, once just to see what was underneath the bush and the one to style it.

I looked in the mirror and was flabbergasted. My hair fell perfectly into place everywhere and I love it. I did dish out some money for it but it was so worth it. I already told HP that I’m gonna go back a month before the campout because it’s all about how we look. BTW, it’s 100 days until the campout.

Speaking of HP, he was so looking forward to seeing me tomorrow but I told him I wasn’t going. I got compliments the previous week but didn’t get any last week, so I want to go back in about a month just for the compliments I know are coming. I told you I’m modest!

Mental Health Day

I went to therapy today although I really shouldn’t because I’m in a good place right now. We talked about Jean Luc and how my life has changed in the week that I’ve had him. Dr K did notice the scratches on my hand and I did mention he will get a manicure.

It is kinda scary being in a good place because I don’t know how long I’ll be here. I’m just taking one day at time. We also decided I don’t have to see her as often because of that.

JL update: he’s doing great. He’s very sociable. When the guys came over to pick up the plants he came out and greeted them. He also got used to the collar real quick. In the past, when I’ve had cats they’ve seemed perturbed by the collar and bell. But not my new roommate. If he’s not on the computer chair, I just have to listen to see where he’s stretching out.

He does sleep with me of course. And in the morning he lets me know he wants his Brita water, fresh from the fridge. I’ve never seen a cat drink so much water, I hope he’s not diabetic. That’s all I need. I give him enough food to last the whole day. I did find out he likes croissants though. I got some from the food bank for breakfast and I gave him a bit to calm him down and he ate it up and likes to lick the plate when I’m done.

I can’t believe I’ve become a cat person, but my hands are loving proof that JL has won me over. I did ask the rhetorical question if cats can get AIDS from their human. I hope not. It’s bad enough that I have to worry about feline AIDS and leukemia, I just don’t want to worry about something else.

Chew Toy

I went to group yesterday, something I haven’t done for about a month. Hush Puppy was glad to see me. Guess I made his day. The good thing about showing up was that I got compliments on my weight loss that I haven’t blogged about. I joke with him that the loss is an age thing, not an AIDS thing.

I’m just not that hungry sometimes. My big meal of the day is lunch. For breakfast I usually have toast or oatmeal and since I’m not usually hungry at dinner but I must take some meds with food, I have a breakfast biscuit. I did blog that I had a surprising weight loss last month when I got my lab results.

I also showed HP my scarred hands where Jean Luc likes to chew on me. He thought I was kidding. JL can chew on me all he wants, he’s allowed. He also scratches me with his dragon lady claws, but they will be gone one day.

HP and Silver Daddy came over after group. Since I got JL, I’ve decided to get rid of my plants. They are toxic to cats and JL has been chewing on some of them and he’s sniffing around. So now I’m plantless but I have my darling JL.

Jean Luc

Well this was a no brainer. Since I am a Francophile, my baby’s name is Jean Luc. Of course the name is more for me than for him.

He finally came out of hiding Sunday and I showed him where the cat food and water is. He loves to get into the cabinets and lies out on my linen. He’s also very possessive with me. I must pay attention to him and he doesn’t like it when I’m at the computer because that time should be for him.

I almost named him Dot Com or Windows because one of his favourite spots is my computer chair. He is very much Chiflado and I will not get on the computer if he is on the chair.

And he loves to chew on me. I have scratches from where he gives me special love bites. He doesn’t know it but he will be declawed sometime soon. He is neutered, so that’s one thing I don’t have to worry about.

Yesterday we curled up on the bed and took a cat nap together. It seems like I’ve had my baby for a while rather than a week. It would appear that we’re both content with each other.

Name the Cat

Mess suggested I ask ya'll for a name for my baby. I have several ideas but I'm waiting to check his personality. Right now he's still hiding under the bed. Usually my men are on the bed!

A New Man in My Life

Well, first short term goal achieved. I am now the owner of a two-year old male Siamese. I’ve had felines before, but this is my first male. I know that’s hard to believe! My first male. LOL.

B found him on Craigslist and I called immediately and got him promised to me. I just have to find him a good name because I don’t like his current name. I just got home and he’s hiding under the bed. It will take him a while to get acclimated to my home and me of course. But I’m a patient man.

Goals

So far the new year's treating me well. I'm still on an emotional high from my lab results. I actually had a visit with my analyst yesterday although why I went is beyond me. She was glad that I survived the holidays without a glitch.

Chiflado does not believe in resolutions, but people use the term goals in lieu of it. I actually have some goals that I started working on last month and hope to see them to fruition. If I'm lucky, I should accomplish one this coming week.

Also took B to the Medical Centre. Seems I'm the only one that can find my way around the place. And I'm not working so I get to chauffeur her around and play wonderful uncle.

We're having a winter blast this week. People ask me if it bothers me and I always say this is nothing compared to Michigan. Now that was a winter blast and at least I don't have to shovel snow down here.

Happy New Year

Well, today’s a new year, wonder what it willl hold in store for me. I bid adieu to last year and I don’t know how it can be topped.

I made two wonderful friends in Mess and Hush Puppy and I am truly blessed to have them in my life. In the topsy-turvy world that is HIV, it’s nice to have something good. Yes, I have my cherished friends and my t-cell count went up, not a bad year all told.

My analyst even noticed how I light up when I talk about them, but don't let them know because it might go to their heads.

Great News

Well, looks like I survived another holiday. Whoever decided to put all these holidays at the same time of year has a sadistic sense of humour. I managed to avoid all the movies and carols. It’s just another day of the year as far as I’m concerned.

Just got back from the doctor’s with some good news, apparently my new cocktail is working because my t-cell count went up. Before Mess says anything, I don’t mean that kind of cocktail, although I could always use a good Hush Puppy. While it’s not much to some of us, my t-cell count is now 150. I’m also still undetectable.

Also great news is everything else is okay, my liver, blood pressure, I even lost some weight. Guess I can pat myself on the back. I’m obviously doing something right. An overall great doctor’s visit except I forgot to get my H1N1 flu shot but I can always get that another day.

Catching Up

Lately each day has been the same, there is no difference between Sunday and Wednesday. I did have my blood drawn one day and I saw my analyst another day. I really didn’t have much to talk about since I’ve been avoiding the holidays plus the fact that I’m sitting on some potential great news and I’ll blog that when it happens.

Hush Puppy rented a car over the weekend to do some last minute shopping. Since he got t-boned in June he’s been on the bus as well. He came by and picked me up Saturday for dinner. We went to Chopstix for the Chinese buffet. Then we went to his place where we each had a Hush Puppy. It was a nice break in my routine and I got to visit with my cherished friend.

Against my better judgment, I went to Sunday group. Ringo went out of his way and ordered food from Luby’s and I didn’t want to disappoint him. Everything was okay but they decided to have a gift exchange and that threw me off. Chiflado is not one for gifts, especially when they are forced on him.

I did renew my lease yesterday and my rent went up $10 which is okay considering the location and the fact that all utilities are paid. And here we are, days away from one of the dreaded days of the year.

Hopefully the new year will be better for Chiflado.

Nothing going on

Sorry I haven’t blogged anything lately. There’s just nothing going on. My life is on auto pilot and everything else is on auto also.

I did go see my analyst Wednesday, but I’ve been in such a good mood it was almost a waste of time. Still talking about my sister’s death. Alright, it’s 22 years, let it go, I know. Easier said than done.

Just spoke to Mess and he’s the one that told me I haven’t updated my blog. Guess no news is good news. Hush Puppy invited us to dinner tomorrow night, but Mess has plans with his sister. I’ll see him Sunday at group.

I’ve been lucky in avoiding the holiday farce. I have received some cards but who cares? Just another day I say to myself. And it’s that attitude that’s been helping me out. The dreaded day is a week away it just sneaks up on one, and then it’s a whole new year, another year of auto pilot.

Beating the Blues

Doncha just hate this time of year? It’s a depressing time of year to begin with and then Hallmark throws in all these special days. I wonder if they have an Our Lady of Guadalupe card?

And the weather certainly hasn’t helped much. Okay it’s not as bad as Michigan and I don’t have to shovel snow, but it’s been steadily cooler than average. Today is a dreary day so far and I got my errands out of the way early. Like I have such a busy schedule.

For some reason, I have been winning the battle against the blues. Luckily I haven’t heard a single carol as of yet, the closest I’ve gotten is Greensleeves or The Dance of the Flowers on my Parisian jazz station.

I refuse to focus on the holidays and I guess I’m on a good combination of drugs that’s keeping the beast at bay. It’s just another day I keep telling myself.

The Alameda

Date: Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Time: 7:00 - 9:00 P.M.
Location: the Museo Alameda
Proyectos Gallery
101 S. Santa Rosa, San Antonio TX 78215

Alex Sanchez

I just finished reading the latest Alex Sanchez novel, Bait. Alex Sanchez is a gay author out of Mexico who’s written books for young adults based on gay themes. He has even won a Lambda Award for one of his books.

I did enjoy the Rainbow Boys trilogy and recommend them but they do have to be read in order. He’s also written books about coming out and being gay and Christian and some of his books contain gay resources for teens.

For more info: http://www.alexsanchez.com/

Tortilla Soup

Thursday was a busy day for me. I went to the pharmacy and the library. I had to pick up the next Percy Jackson book for Purple 13, I got her hooked on the series. They’re really a fun read and the movie comes out in February, we saw the trailer when we went last week to see New Moon.

I was gonna take her the book, she works walking distance from me, but she suggested lunch and I’m not one to turn down a free meal. She was in the mood for tortilla soup and Blanco Café has one of the best in town. She also had cawfee and I had to smell her cup.

I had the green enchiladas and she said I’m so predictable. Hey everything at Blanco is great and I happen to like green eggs and ham and I would eat them in a box and I would eat them with a fox…

Mental Health Day

I don’t think this has ever happened to me. I had appointments with my psychiatrist and my analyst today.

Still talking about depression and suicide. Also brought up my sister’s death that I cannot let go of. I don’t know what she would think of my mourning. She was so vivacious and full of life and I remember laughing a lot with her. So I honour her by laughing is one thing I got out of today.

The other thing is quite the Mexican thing, I have a votive candle lit every day in her memory. And it’s the same kind of candle she used to light in her home. Of course I go to the cemetery periodically to visit and talk and clear my head.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, my zipper broke on my jacket so I’m gonna have to get a new one. If it’s not one thing it’s another.

Sunday Outing

Sunday’s usually one of my library days so I went to pick up what I had on hold. A new movie, two foreign films, and a rom-com with Ewan McGregor I know I’m gonna have to like.

Hush Puppy rang me up and invited me to dinner. He had just come back from the holidays with the folks. Of course I can never refuse Hush Puppy and he picked me up and we went to a Chinese restaurant in the Medical Centre.

The food was great as was the company. We laughed and talked about things and not once did we talk of AIDS. It’s just nice to avoid the subject once in a while.

I’m a simple man. It was nice to break my routine for one day. I highly recommend it, but find your own Hush Puppy.

Just Another Day

Boy I got lucky today. Chiflado has not been one for holidays from way back. Too stressful all around. But I can say this was one of my favourite holidays to date.

Purple 13 and I went to go see New Moon. She hadn’t seen it and I’m one to see shirtless hotties again and I’ll probably see it again sometime soon. Of course she liked the cliff hanger ending and we have to wait until 30 June to see the next installment.

We had planned on lunching at La Margarita but it was closed. So we went to the granddaddy of Mexican restaurants in town, Mi Tierra’s, http://www.mitierracafe.com/ it’s owned by the same family and the menu is just about the same. She had flautas and I had chicken mole enchiladas and they were swimming in mole sauce. Chiflado loves mole and can make a mean batch to boot.

That was my stress-free day. I hope everybody had a great day today. And you know, you don’t need a day to be thankful, I’m thankful all the time and I thank people I know by saying three simple words, I love you. And if you’re extra lucky you get a hug out of me.

Angst

So I woke up today full of energy and euphoria because of a great film and play. I finally went to the store this morning and had a wonderful lunch.

Mess rang me up and asked if I was going to our support group today, I’ve been avoiding it for the past few weeks because of my depression. I told him I didn’t know yet. I hadn’t planned on going, I just haven’t felt part of the group for some time now.

So I took a nap and was awakened by Hush Puppy leaving a message on my machine to go to group. We hadn’t seen each other in almost a month and since he was making chicken pot pie, I kinda felt obligated to go.

So I’m walking to the bus stop when I see the bank sign flashing today’s date, November 22, 2009. Sure it’s another day, but it’s also the day my sister died and the flood of memories surged to haunt me and bring me down. I should have walked home after that. But something made me go anyway.

The group’s dynamics have changed a lot and I just wanted to leave. Hush Puppy asked how I was doing and I told him I wanted to go home and looked at the clock and said its closer to leaving though. Time just dragged very slowly for me.

I had told Hush Puppy I was gonna quit the group for a few months anyway. It’s not like I’m an essential part of the group. I’m not getting the support out of it also, so why bother?

Hey sometimes I have to be selfish and take care of Chiflado. So I’m gonna lay low again for a few more weeks or months.

New Moon

B rang me up and asked if I wanted to see New Moon with her, her husband is not into such films. Hell yeah I’ll go. She bought the tickets Thursday so we’d avoid lines on Friday. We know how to plan ahead.

The movie is phenomenal, it followed the book closely. Edward decides to leave Forks because he thinks he’s a danger to Bella. Bella soon finds out that she can see and hear Edward when she’s getting an adrenaline rush.

Her friendship with Jacob evolves as they fix a pair of motorcycles. He’s her best friend but he has a crush on her. She sees Edward from time to time when she does all these stupid things.

We soon find out that Jacob has become a werewolf and has hooked up with the rest of the guys that are werewolves. Their job is to kill vampires but Jacob’s main concern is to protect her from the rogue vampires Laurent and Victoria. They manage to kill Laurent but Victoria escapes.

Bella goes to the cliffs where the wolf pack dive for fun and she jumps and sees Edward. Jacob rescues her and takes her home where Alice, Edward’s sister is waiting. She had seen Bella jumping and came to check up on her.

The phone rings and Jacob says Bella’s father’s gone to a funeral. It was Edward calling to check up on Bella and he assumes the worst. He flies of to Italy in search of the Volturi, a coven of vampires that oversee the vampire world. He wants them to kill him because he cannot go on without Bella.

They turn down his request because of his powers and ask him to join them. He decides to make a scene forcing them to kill him. At the same time Alice and Bella are on their way to stop him.

I highly enjoyed the film but I felt there was something lacking from the first one. I think they chose the wrong director, Chris Weitz who directed American Pie. Gone was the rainy Forks that added so much atmosphere to Twilight, instead we are given a sunny and bright Forks.

I still highly recommend this just because I so loved the books and it does leave you with a cliff hanger.