Elevator Out Of Order---AGAIN!

Yes, the elevator is out of order again. It was out of order last Monday when I had my surgery. I had to schlep eight floors. It was not fun. I got up here out of breath and ready for a nap.

It's out of order again this week and it's still as strenuous as ever. I have a bad left knee and callouses on both feet. It hurts to use the stairs.

I have a doctor's appointment today hopefully to remove my drainage tube. I'm not draining as much and I don't think I need it anymore. Not to mention sleep will be easier for me.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Chiflaco out.

Recuperating

I'm recuperating fine. The best thing is that I'm sleeping well. The pain has subsided but I'm still a bit tender. The bad thing is that Jean-Luc feels out of sorts. He can't jump on my lap as before because he likes to rub against my belly and that's where I'm tender the most.

It hurts to feed him. I have to bend down to fill his dish and it's a pain to do so. We actually had a fight this morning he was so needy. But I let him jump in my lap for some quality time. He'll survive.

Chiflaco out.

Ouch!

I had my surgery today. It went well. I was there about four hours. I just didn't know it was gonna be so painful. My abdomen feels like a ton of bricks. Every movement is painful.

Kinda difficult to find a good position. Don't know how I will sleep tonight. I just know I'm exhausted and in dire need of sleep.

My wonderful nieces picked me up at the hospital. They are so loving and special. I'm blessed to have them in my life. Of course it was love at first sight when I saw them in the nursery.

We share a lot of memories and are still making some new ones. We just went to lunch Saturday and it was a nice visit. I wish I could see them more often but they live on the South side and we don't have as much time together as I'd like. We make due with our quality time.

Chiflaco out.

Bad Boy

I had a grapefruit for breakfast. It was delish!

Chiflaco out.

Latest On Mike

I went to the dental school yesterday. I need to see a periodontist but have to go through the dental school first. They did an examination but were not able to do anything for me because my t-cell count is under 200. Their protocol.

They did refer me to the periodontal school but don't know what their protocol is regarding HIV.

Since I was in the medical center I decided to visit Mike. He's still in ICU and I got to see him. He's doing better but cannot speak for now. He communicates with facial gestures and written notes.

His sister was there with him. She's been an angel. She's been with him all week and guards him like a dog. She's almost ready to go back to work but she worries that he'll be alone.

I only stayed about 15 minutes. He couldn't speak and I got a little uneasy. So long as he knows that I'm still there for him.

Chiflaco out.

Grapefruit

One of the drawbacks of having AIDS is that you can't have grapefruit products. I love grapefruit. Nothing like peeling a grapefruit and enjoying the meat inside.

I was at the store today and they looked gorgeous. They called out to me and medication be damned, I bought two. I love the aroma as I peeled into my fruit. And it was so delicious.

Chiflaco out.

Prayers For Mike

I got home from the doctor to a phone call from Tony. Mike's not doing well. He took a turn for the worst last night and started bleeding again. He was rushed into surgery this morning and he's now in ICU with no visitors allowed. Poor baby.

He's got a long road ahead but he's a fighter and he will pull through. We have so much to look forward too. We just got the Majestic Broadway series and we're looking forward to some musicals coming up.

Please keep Mike in your prayers. It's all appreciated.

Chiflaco out.

Surgery

It's official, it's a hernia. Doctor said it was probably due to my gall bladder surgery. I have surgery Monday morning. It will be out patient so I should be home that afternoon.

What a relief! I was really fearing the worst. I'll take this instead.

Chiflaco out.

Mike Update

Mike went home Friday. He was doing okay but was still uncomfortable. Saturday night he started bleeding. Yesterday, Tony took him to the ER in Boerne.

He was later admitted back to the Methodist in San Antonio. He's still bleeding and still has trouble swallowing. He's still being fed via a feeding tube.

Please pray for him. He needs all the angels around him.

Chiflaco out.

Thanks For The Memories

I just did something painful for me. I said good-bye to cherished memories. I have a MOI folder filled with memories.

I went through the folder and threw away memories that will one day be trash to throw out after I die. I did keep some like cards from my father and wedding invitations and such.

It was poignant going through my memories, but it was something I needed to do. They're only memories that mean something to me.

Chiflaco out.

Exhausted

It's so HOT out there! I'm worn out. Went to get my sonogram today. What a chore. The place is a good five minute drive away, but about thirty minutes by bus.

I got there and did my test and they also too an x-ray which was the first I heard. I went on my merry way and stopped to have breakfast tacos. I got home only to get a phone call to go back for some more testing. That sounds scary.

I just got home again and I'm absolutely fatigued. It's very difficult to walk with my callouses flaring up. And then I have my bad left knee to worry about. I'm walking with a knee brace.

I'm out of breath and ready for a nap. Guess my traveling days are over as well. Won't be able to make it back to Paris and I was planning on Barcelona. Madrid was another place on my bucket list but that's out the door now. I wanted to go to Arevalo Spain, a town just north of Madrid. See where my ancestors came from.

I'm ready for that nap.

Chiflaco out.

Mike Update

I saw Mike yesterday. He's doing great and looks great as well. I was expecting the worst. He's very tired though. He has a lot of recuperating to do.

Tony is looking out after him. Bless his heart. Mike's sister will be coming this weekend to look out after him. I also volunteered to help out. Jean-Luc can do without me for a while.

Just talked to Tony. Hopefully Mike will be released tomorrow. Tony had to learn how to give him his medication and food. Mike's still having trouble swallowing and is using a food tube.

I wish there were more for him but I'm not well either. He means the world to me. He's the brother I always wanted.

Chiflaco out.

Anxious

Went to lunch with Mike and Tony today. The day before Mike's surgery. He looks okay but I'm to one that is anxious. I think that's why I'm feeling nauseous. I've been drinking Maalox all afternoon and had bouts of diarrhea.

I guess that's why I'm not feeling well. Mike has an optimistic look on the whole thing as well he should. We joke constantly about it. It's only cancer we say and chortle. I won't be able to go to the hospital tomorrow but I made Tony promise periodically with updates.

One would think I'd be anxious over my travails. I still have a tumor/hernia to worry about. It's one or the other and only leads to surgery.

Then there's my dental visit. The hygienist said everything looked okay from my x-rays. Then she opened my mouth and started prodding. It hurt like hell. She said OMG several times and I bled a lot. Dr. Riley checked me over and said that it's URGENT I go to a periodontist. Ouch! I now have that chore to look forward to.

But for now, please think positive things for Mike. I don't pray but I've got my family praying for him. I worry, that's what mothers do and I've been a mother for a long time. I just want him to come through this hiccup okay.

Chiflaco out.

April Fools

I heard from Mike today. They're moving his surgery up by a week. He said the doctor wanted to go in there as soon as possible. I kept waiting for him to say April Fools.

Mike is the bestest friend ever. We've been through a lot together. He was there when I was in the hospital and I was there for him. Now he lives out of town and I don't think I can care for him like I'd like to.

He sounds great. He's seeing the bright side of things which is great. He sounds like he's looking forward to the surgery and getting himself back to normal. Normal is not an adjective used by AIDS patients. He sounds like he will survive and I can only pray for that.

I love him.

Chiflaco out.

THE ITCH

Don't know if I've blogged about this already. One of the other travails I've been plaqued with lately is itching.

I am one major itch monster. I scratch all over the place. I even have some scratches for proof.

Then I remembered about oatmeal. They say to bathe in oatmeal for soothing itches. I'm not about to try that, I hate oats!

I found good old fashioned oatmeal soap. It smells great and leaves my skin exceptionally smooth. I really feel better all around. An added bonus.

Chiflaco out.

Bad Things Good People

Why do bad things happen to good people? It's a question that will haunt us for a lifetime.

I heard from my friend Barbara. She also had a near-death experience. Bless her heart she managed to avoid a collision and she almost hit a man, but she is intelligent.

Then there's poor Mike. He just got diagnosed with esophageal cancer. He's gonna have some surgeries and then radiation treatments. We're all down about it but we're making light of the situation. I love Mike like the brother I never had. I expect nothing but great results.

Chiflaco out.

Missing the Cool Weather

It started already. I hate it. Hot weather has finally appeared in SA. It's 76 in my apartment with the a/c on. They're supposed to fix it soon but our manager has too many days off and we don't have a maintenance man.

This was a cool winter. It never got freezing cold for me. I did not turn on the heater again this year. There were days when I had the window open to let some of the cool air in.

Up to last week we still had cool weather. It was in the 60's outside and 70's inside. I miss that. Now I have to deal with the unrelenting heat that is San Antonio.

It's only seven months until we get great weather again.

Chiflaco out.

Dental Visit

I went to the dentist for a cleaning today. I was a bloody mess. After my cleaning my bib was splashed with bloody splats alee over the place. It looked like a Jackson Pollok painting!

Sexy Dr. Riley said they've done all they can and referred my to a periodontist. I'm in need of help. I've only been asking for this for the past 11 years.

Now I got to follow up on this problem. More later.

Chiflaco out.

Doctors Appointments

I had a busy morning today. I was almost killed in front of my building. And then I went to my sexy furry podiatrist. He is hot and I love his furry chest. We talked hammertoe surgery and he pared of my  callouses.

Then I went to my doctor with a list of things. My dizziness might be allergies. He gave me a script for that. My bathroom problems might be me getting used to my meds again. He also upped my prostate medication as well.

The final thing with my doctor, I've noticed a bump under my belly button. It scared me this weekend when I felt it. But he said it might be a hernia and requested for more tests on it. Of course I thought the worse and wanted to test no matter what. I'm going to see a specialist about it.

I've had a busy day and anxious and ready for a nap.

Chiflaco out.

Near Death Experience

I didn't see this one coming. I was at the crosswalk on Travis waiting to cross the street. I got the walk sign looked both ways like always and started crossing the street.

About a third of the way, cars started honking. The cars that had the right of way stopped and were honking. Some moron in an SUV on the phone came out of nowhere and swerved to miss the cars and barely avoided hitting me. He came so close I could see his face. 

And he just kept on talking. I literally saw my life flash in front of me. That was depressing. All I could think of was my Dad. There's a saying that's appropriate for times like this, Cosa Mala Nunca Muere! Bad things never die. And I didn't.

I went off the rest of the day after my heart stopped beating fast and went to my appointments.

Chiflaco out.  

Dizzy Queen

My  latest problem is dizziness. I've been dizzy  for the past week. I'm dizzy all day long, and there are times when I feel like I'm about to pass out. I also have severe headaches. No amount of meds gets rid of those.

I did make an appointment with my doctor, but that's two days away. And then there are times when I feel like my knees are about to buckle under me. I just now spent two hours in bed I was so out of it.

I have to run errands but I'm so afraid to go out and pass out somewhere. As usual I will survive.

Chiflaco out.

What a Whiner!

Bathroom Problems. I miss January and February when I had diarrhea. Now I'm constipated. I think it's because I'm taking my meds again. I do try laxatives with a stool softener but it's not working.

I did have a couple of movements this week but it wasn't due to the laxative. I produced some rock-hard turds. These things are like cement. They sink directly down to the commode. And then I have to triple flush. And then the commode took two days to function properly.

Weather. For the most part I love these cool mornings. But while it's 65 outside, it's 76 in my apartment and that's with the a/c on! My saving grace is that when I was having problems last May, management loaned my a window unit. And that really helps a lot. I turn it on at night because it just gets so hot.

Chiflaco out.

Back to 'Normal'

I'm finally sleeping again. But it takes a while to fall asleep. My psychiatrist told me to take them before I go to sleep. It didn't work. I'm now taking them at 7 p.m. Doesn't work. Last night I was up until midnight before laying down. I lay in bed until 2 a.m. when I got up for a glass of water.

The latest I've woken up has been 10 a.m. They really knock me out. I finally set my phone for 8 a.m. It is nice to sleep again.

I'm still constipated. So far it's been five days. Maybe I should stop taking my meds and live with the diarrhea. Just a thought.

Chiflaco out.

Meds

I finally got my meds. I started taking them Sunday morning. The weird thing is that now I am constipated. Most AIDS patients have diarrhea with the cocktail. I have to be different.

An agency used to pay my co-pays. They've changed their policy and now I have to pay my co-pays. It's not much but I could use that money somewhere else.

Now for the sleeping situation. Ambien was just not working for me anymore. My psychiatrist wrote me a script for Trozodone. Each tablet is 150 mgs. He told me to take one before bedtime and if that doesn't work, take two.

I took two. I started yawning after 30 minutes so I went to bed. I just lay there. I was there for about two hours and then it was 10,30 a.m.! The tablets work. I do wake up groggy but I'm sleeping again.

The only problem is falling asleep. No matter what time I take the pills, I don't fall asleep until after 11 or midnight. Last night I took them at 8. I went to bed at 10,30 and I lay there for a while. I still didn't fall until 11 or midnight.

Oh well. At least I'm getting sleep. And I haven't napped since. I was so used to those naps but my body doesn't need them anymore.

Chiflaco out.

Busy Day

I'm exhausted. Went to the therapist today for an assessment to see the psychiatrist. She said my sweats might be hormonal and suggested I talk to the psychiatrist or PCP.

She got me through to the psychiatrist today. He prescribed an alternative sleeping medication. Of course I forgot the name but I took the script to the pharmacy.

Then I went to the clinic. Dr. Martinez was kind of pissed that the case manager there was not able to help me with my meds. He did say the sweats might be because I haven't been taking my psych meds. He wrote me scripts for everything.

He did say everything was just about normal. All my organs are okay. My t-cell count went up from 89 to 125, that's good. The bad part was my viral load. It went from undetectable to 60,000! That was because I haven't taken my meds for two months.

I did forget to mention my libido which is way up. Tony says I got a good cell count because of all the sex. I just can't seem to get enough.

I then went to Oasis for their fabulous mole enchiladas. Not bad for $6.95. Enchiladas, rice, beans, salad and tea. I was happy.

Then I went to the pharmacy with all my scripts and new insurance card. I feel so relieved to get that back into swing.

I came home and took some Ibuprofen and lay down for about thirty minutes. I'm one tired boy. Something tells me I'll be getting a good night's sleep. Not to mention the fact that I didn't nap today.

Chiflaco out.

Joel

Today would have been Joel's 53rd birthday. He was my high school sweetheart. He died ten years ago. I miss him.

He had AIDS also. I still remember when he told me. We went to the movies and he told me in the parking lot. We didn't see a movie. He cried so much and we promised to be there for each other.

When he passed I was in Michigan. I got a call from his boyfriend and we arranged his funeral. I promised to go. Joel and I had promised to be there for each other's funerals.

Steve did not let me come down. That really pissed me off. I should have come down.

Joel was only 16 when we met. It was love at first sight. We went to the zoo with some friends that Saturday. He was a real gentleman. When he'd come over he'd talk to my Dad and would tell him what we would be doing and when he'd have me home. My Dad really liked him.

I still go by the Japanese Garden in Breckenridge Park where he carved our initials. They're still there. We were together only two years but we were life long friends. It's always best to love a friend.

I wish he were there when I found out about myself. He would have taken care of me like I took care of him. I will hopefully seen him soon.

Chiflaco out.

Allegic To Jean-Luc

I've had three 'dates' that are allergic to cats. Oh the dilemma. Should I get rid of Jean-Luc? Is sex more important than my beloved?

We know the answer. Sex is great buy Jean-Luc is the world to me. They can survive.

Chiflaco out.

Sleeping Again

I can really get used to this. I'm sleeping again. I think the combination of drugs I'm taking at night are working. I lay down at the same time and get up at the same time.

The vivid dreams have stopped. I was having some whoppers. I still wake up with severe bad breath. I'm brushing my teeth before I got to bed and in the morning.

I get up and feed Jean-Luc. I have my priorities correct. Then I get coffee going and have toast. I'm still not eating.

The diarrhea has stopped. Wonder where that was coming from since I wasn't eating. I'm having regular bowel movements now. Again, why?

My clothes fit lose but I'm not going out to buy new clothes just yet.

My sex life is great. I've been meeting some interesting men. I'm more sexually active than I've been in over twenty years. I do play safe although some of them don't want to. So I turn those down. Don't want to spread my Michigan souvenir.

Chiflaco out.

Downton Abbey

My friend Greg got me hooked on Downton Abbey. It's a series on PBS about a family at the turn of the century in England.

I've watched all the seasons and got to watch the current season through Netflix. I think it's the series finale. All the stories were wrapped up and there was no season cliff hanger. I cried.

Chiflaco out.

I Slept!

Two nights in a row. I hope this is a trend. All I can think of is that the drug combination I'm taking is finally taking hold. The only problem is I wake up with severe bad breath and run to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Yesterday I woke up at 4 a.m. and brushed and went back to bed.

I'm still in heat. Don't know why I'm so hot. The night sweats are a pain. Last night I pulled off the covers I was so hot and I had the AC on.

This morning when I took out the recyclables it was nice and cold out. I came up turned off the AC and opened the windows. It was 61 in my apartment and I actually felt comfortable.

Nothing much else going on. I'm watching Queer As Folk again. That was such a great series. JR says I remind him of Brian Kinney if you know which character that is. He's the cynical one and I do see a lot of myself in him.

Jean-Luc is okay. I wish I were him the way he sleeps all the time. He likes to get on my chest in the morning so I can feed him. He just eats and sleeps and naps on my lap. He does sleep with me all the time. I'm awake in the middle of the night and he's snoring away next to me. True love.

Chiflaco out.

Update

The update is there is no change. I get maybe two or three hours of sleep at night. And that's very restless sleep. I do take a nap in the day that is very satisfying. I still need sleep.

The Ambien doesn't work anymore and I've run out. I can't get any until next month. I am taking a mixture of Exedrin PM, melatonin, and Nyquil sleeping tablets. I down them with wine and I still can't sleep. Don't know what I did wrong to deserve this.

I really wish I were dead. There's just no reason for me to be alive. I even find sex boring. And I've been getting plenty of that! I have no interest in movies. And I haven't felt like reading in ages. The last book I read was The Fault in The Stars and it's just like the movie.

I have no appetite to speak of. I have toast with coffee in the morning. And then I have a meal in the afternoon. I don't eat much because I feel bloated afterwards. I feel like I want to puke and my stomach feels enlarged.

And the heat! Mike says I'm going through menopause. I perspire all day and I can't keep the apartment cool enough. I am having night sweats. The sheets cling to me. I'm hot and cold at the same time. The other night I was burning up and my feet were freezing. I got up and put on some woolen socks.

I want my life back. I have actually thought of returning to work but what's the point? I'm in the bathroom a lot and I lose concentration. Girl, I wouldn't hire me.

Oh well, time for the daily vodka induced nap. That's something I look forward to every day.

Chiflaco out.

No Change

I'm still not sleeping. It'll be a month this week. I've got major bags under my eyes. I lay down every night at the same time and just toss and turn.

I do take naps though. I drink two shots of vodka and that knocks me out for a couple of hours. I wake up all drugged and have no energy or interest in anything.

I try to watch movies but I'm just not interested. I did see John Wick with Keanu Reeves that was really great. It actually caught my interest and I got into the film.

The other thing is I finally got my prescription coverage back. Apparently I signed up for the VA package that doesn't have coverage because they give the medications for free. My coverage starts on March 1 and I'm looking forward to it.

Nothing else much going on. Oh, I have met some great men on growlr. I've had some interesting 'dates.' Now I can't seem to get enough.

Chiflaco out.

No Change

Still not sleeping. I do take daily naps though. I take Unisom with a shot of vodka each afternoon and that allows me to take naps. At night I take shots of Nyquil but don't know if it works or not.

Regardless, I'm still not sleeping. My naps do make up for my lack of sleep but I still need a full 8 hours. I'm not eating have a severe headache and am nauseous for the time being.

I do like the weight loss but know I'm losing weight for the wrong reasons. I have no apatite to speak of and only eat like once a day right now.

I have a roaring headache and I'm very tired of it. I want sleep. I'm also eating less. I've lost some weight and am glad of it but it's also not healthy weight loss. I want my life back.

Chiflaco out.

Insomnia 2

Still not sleeping. It's really driving me crazy. I lay down in bed and just toss and turn. Yesterday morning I took some Nyquil and was able to take a nap.

Mike told me about melatonin. It's an herbal supplement that's a sleeping aid. It really hasn't worked that I can tell. I took two last night with a shot of Nyquil and I did pass out. I still need a lot of sleep.

I'm suffering all over. I have a lack of appetite that I welcome. I've lost some weight because of this lack of sleep. And I go from diarrhea to constipation if you can believe that. I welcome the diarrhea just to clean out my system. Mike got a bit upset and told me to take Imodium which I did.

Still haven't heard anything about my scripts. In the meantime I'm not taking any meds. I've run out. I got used to the routine and now there's nothing.

I just want to sleep. I have a constant headache and I'm shaking again. For some reason I'm sweating up a storm. I can't find a constant temperature and have day sweats now. I just can't keep clean either. I always feel dirty. I can't take enough showers.

Chiflaco out.

Insomnia

I  haven't slept since last Monday. For some reason I can't fall asleep. It's driving me crazy. I'm dizzy, cranky, light headed. I am eating less for some reason and my belt is fitting looser.

I go with the motions of sleeping. I go to bed at the usual time and just lie in bed staring into the night. I try all my usual sleeping positions but nothing helps. I ran ot of Ambien also not that that was helping much. I was still taking it and it was not working.

I don't think I'm stressed out about anything. Nothing bothers me. I bought some over the counter sleeping pills and of course they're not working. The drinking isn't helping either. You would think I'd sleep well with my nightly glasses of wine. But that doesn't work either.

Added to this I'm eating less which is a godsend. My jeans are looser than usual and I've gone down a notch in my belt. I just want to sleep and get my body back in check.

Chiflaco out.

PPO Problems

I've had Humana HMO for about seven years. Last year, my doctor was not listed in their network and I  was given another doctor as my PCP. For some reason, my doctor is on Humana PPO, so I changed over to it.

Okay, now I have my HIV doctor as my PCP. Problem is, I don't get prescription coverage. Just found that out last week when I tried to order refills. I talked to Humana and there's nothing I can do until open enrollment in November!

My clinic suggested I make an appointment with their case manager and she might be able to help me somehow. The clinic has a pharmacy that I have used in the past but for some reason they're not letting me do it this time around.

So I'm almost out of meds and don't know what I'm gonna do.

As if that wasn't bad enough, my glasses broke yesterday. And Jean-Luc gnawed through my phone charger cord. Not a great way to start a new year. This has really put a damper on my plans for the week.

When it rains...

Chiflaco out.

Happy Holidays

Boy these holidays went by quick. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, and tomorrow is New Year's Eve. I didn't even get to mail out holiday cards this year. It just didn't feel right for some reason.

Update on me, I'm doing great. After a bad October, I am now walking without a cane again. I still get nervous. It just happened so randomly. I'm afraid to move sometimes because I'm afraid it'll come back.

I had a severe case of allergies recently. I was dripping incessantly and my nose was raw from too much blowing. Not that kind of blowing!

Jean-Luc is doing great. He's such a loving cat. I've never had a cat as loveable as him. When guests come over, he runs up and greets them and purrs and prances all over.

I was naughty this holiday. Tony introduced me to a dating app for gay men. Wow, there are some hot men out there. I've actually gone on several dates that led elsewhere :-) Yes I'm playing safe. I just had no idea I was that flexible. I feel young and invigorated. I've been out of the loop for about 10 years, so I figure I'm due for some fun.

One thing with these guys, they're in such great shape and I'm not. I'm shapeless. I lost all that weight then gained 20 lbs. and I'm just not happy with how I look. I've decided to get back on the wagon and lose some more weight. I went to the store today and got salad fixings. I think that's what caused my weight loss in the first place.

I want to get back to the gym. I have free membership with Humana. I'm just afraid I'm gonna break down again. That was so not fun. I hated being homebound and walking with a cane, and a quad cane at that.

I have to face that fear. I also want to get back in the pool. I've lost weight before thanks to the pool and I'm hoping to get that going again. I have a doctor's prescription so I'll be able to do it for free. I just have to schlep to the Natatorium which is across from my old high school. Memories.

New Year's is always a bummer for me. My sister would have been 75 next year. I used to spend it with her and I'd buy the cheap champagne she loved and we'd drink it at midnight. If I wasn't able to visit, I would always call at midnight to wish her a happy birthday. I have that to deal with again.

I guess that's it for the year. I hope nothing but the best for everyone in 2015. I'm sure gonna make some changes. I don't do resolutions, but a friend on Twitter said instead he makes goals for the year which sounds more feasible.

Chiflaco out.

Sunday

Nothing much going on. The weather's been warm. I want a cold winter. But it ain't gonna happen.

My knee's doing a whole lot better. There's no swelling and no pain. I do tire easily. I still use the cane when I go to the library and to the store. Although I ventured out to the store without it today. I came home and crashed, but I survived.

Went to lunch with Tony and Mike yesterday. We went to Luther's. It's kinda our hang out. Our favourite server wasn't waiting on us but he still came over and said hello. Javier is a character. He's a genuine person and very friendly. He fits well with us.

I have an extra ticket for Chicago next month and I seriously considered inviting him. Don't know if he's flirting or just being a nice server. We'll never know.

Chiflaco out.

Masochist

Okay, here it is in writing. I'm a masochist. I look for pain anywhere.

I made the mistake of typing in gay marriage proposals into You Tube. A flurry of proposals were available. These guys really went out of their way to propose marriage to their significant others.

To add insult to injury, a click lead to gay marriages and first wedding dances. I was mesmerized. I saw so many.

I've been in five relationships and one almost one that never happened but should have. My heart has been broken each time.

But despite all the bad, I still believe in love. I've given my heart several times only to have it lashed on a rock. Don't know what I've done wrong.

I mean, I cook, I bake, I do laundry, I do yard work, I love. Yet my heart has been broken. Maybe I should do windows!

I now realize that that will never happen to me. I'm a middle aged man with a terminal illness. Where am I going to find Mr. Right? Even Mr. Right for the evening.

I think that ship has sailed. I have a lot of love to offer Mr. Right but when will that happen? Guess I have to keep my love to myself.

Don't mean to be a whiner. I just realize that it will never happen. Me? Have a happily ever after? No way. I'm doomed to be on my own. As Charlotte Vale said in Now Voyager, I'm the spinster aunt, every family has one. That's me to a tee.

Let me wallow in my self pity.

Chiflaco out.

Food Stamps

Don't know if I blogged about it. For some reason, I got an additional dollar in food stamps. That's $16 a month now. What a thrill.

Lab Results

Got my lab results this morning. My t-cell count went down again, this time to 89. And I'm almost undetectable. He prefers that I'm undetectable. The doctors pay more attention to the viral load.

He did say it might have been low because I was sick when they drew blood two weeks ago. That's when I was home sick and with my swollen knee.

Everything else is good. No diabetes, no high blood pressure. Just the bad knee and shoulder. My knee is doing a whole lot better. I'm still using the brace and cane to be on the safe side. I start out okay, but then the pain sneaks in and I'm in pain again.

Chiflaco out.

Schlepping Around

I'm exhausted. Went to the podiatrist this morning. He pared off some of my callouses. He also said I should consider surgery on my hammer toes. Who knew I had them? He could have said something earlier. Gotta think about it. He did say if I had the surgery I wouldn't have that much trouble with the callouses.

It was cold this morning. I wore my trench coat, scarf, gloves, and cap. I also wore my quad cane to be on the safe side. I'm doing okay but you never know. It got warmer during my running around. I really didn't need all of this after a while.

Went to the mall while I was out. I needed a pair of jeans and trousers for the theatre. Also found a belt and got my Dream Guys calendar for next year. One of my neighbours has commented that I always have a different guy up for each month. Duh? Of course. Most of the Mexican calendars have one picture with removable months. Girl, I'm in the US and we have a hottie a month. Wish I did!

Just got home and took an ibuprofen to help with the pain. The old gray mare just ain't what she used to be...

Chiflaco out.

Busy Weekend

When it rains...Went to lunch with the family yesterday. Celebrated Larry and Oscar's birthdays. Yeah, we did the Chinese buffet again. We're regulars. We get together once a month just to see each other. Barbara and Debra see each other all the time, but I don't get to see them at all.

Mike called today and told me we had a lunch date. That was the first I heard about it. I won't say no. He and Tony picked me up after church. We went to Luther's where we had our favourite server hovering above us.

Javier is great. Keeps on top of everything and keeps smiles on our faces. I had the mushroom Swiss burger and it was scrumptious. Tony decided to order me dessert and I was forced to eat it. It was a Chocolate Heaven or something like that. A warm lava cake with ice cream and whipped cream. I hate Tony. But he already knows.

Chiflaco out.

Last Batch

Okay, this is officially my last batch of tamales! My arms are killing me. Plus I ran out of masa. Guess I'll have to go to the store to get some more and that will be my last batch.

Thank gawd I took an ibuprofen before I started. I think it helped.

Taking a break before getting back to them...

Chiflaco out.

Tamales

I'm making my first batch of tamales for the year. It might also be my last batch ever. Sure they're easy but it's still a lot of work. But it's so worth it when you bite into them and they're so tasty.

I have the husks soaking now. I made the meat yesterday and it tastes fabulous. I'm making pork and chicken tamales. Debra prefers the chicken. I'm also making some cheese tamales. Never heard of them but apparently my sister makes them and Barbara and Debra love them, so being the chifladas that they are, they're getting their favorites.

My knee is doing better but standing isn't helping any. I don't have a table so I'm doing the work on my limited counter space. I got it down pat.

Got the dough just right. I should have tamales for dinner. But they're better for breakfast. And of course they're better the day after. I remember Mom heating them up in a skillet with a little bit of water. Nowadays we nuke them and they just don't taste the same.

Chiflaco out.

Great Weather!

We're finally getting some great weather. It's in the 50's and windy. Just got back from the store. I'm in a tamale making mood so I went to get pork and masa to make a batch. I'm excited and looking forward to the tasty devils.

I did use my brace and quad cane and I'm paying for it. My knee pain has flared up. Well at least I'm in for the day. Maybe tomorrow also. All I have to do is stand up to make them. If I had a table I'd sit down and make them but I have such little counter space.

Chiflaco out.

Better

And just like that, the pain stopped. Don't know what happened but I woke up feeling better. My knee is not hurting. I'm still using the brace and cane to be on the safe side.

I know me and I will walk around without the cane and the pain will return. No sir, I'm using the cane. Great to be back, almost.

Knee Problems

The swelling went down for about two days but it came back yesterday. I'm still walking with my brace and quad cane.

I actually went to the library today. Picked up some DVDs to keep me entertained since I'm stuck home. There's so much I want to do but can't.

Mike wants me to go to the ER. But I'm afraid I will get admitted and who will look out for Jean-Luc? What an excuse.

Getting ready for another nap...

Chiflaco  out.

Exhausted!

I push myself. I went to do lab work this morning. I got my quad cane so I was happy with that. I also used my knee brace. It was murder getting on the trolley. I can only imagine what it would have been last week.

I was gonna do some running around but my knee said otherwise. I just came back home but stopped for breakfast and got some tacos for dinner.

Just took my ibuprofen and I'm going to bed. I'm tired of this. This is not fun. At least I have some DVDs to watch. No fun being at home for no reason. Guess I'll do an errand a day.

Chiflaco out.

When It Rains...

Don't think I've mentioned this before. Victoria is a neighbor who is a chef at the San Antonio Country Club. She's always cooking and sending food over.

Natalie is her partner and she is studying to be a beautician, so I get my hair done for free. She's also my fag hag and Victoria was Eddie's fag hag. Keep it in the family, huh?

They had a function at the country club and they usually throw away food. Victoria brought home some sweets and Natalie just brought some over! Talk about luck. And I was just gonna fix myself a pbnj.

Chiflaco out.

Oreo Heaven Again-NOT!

Just got back from Walgreens. Mike and Tony picked me up and we went to the library, Luther's for lunch, and Walgreens for my cane. I'm exhausted.

So there we were at Luther's and I decided dessert for them. Turns out they have Oreo Heaven also! No, I didn't get one. My tum's still acting up and I didn't want to risk it. I just had a Philly that was delicious.

We then went to Walgreens where I found the perfect cane. I could have walked out of the store with it but I didn't. Mike and Tony also brought me the chicken and dumplings and the added bonus of tuna casserole, and a slice of cake. I'm all set for the next few days. Again, I am blessed.

Chiflaco out.

Sicko Update

Yep, I'm still under the weather. Yesterday was especially stressful. For some reason I was cold and spent the day under the covers. My knee is still giving me problems but it seems to feel better today.

Jean-Luc has been a godsend. He was with me in bed all day long. He looks at me and he knows there's something wrong. This morning he woke me up by jumping on my chest. He's such a sweetheart.

Did my running around Friday. Tony came over and drove me around. I took him to Jim's where he talked me into having dessert. I normally don't make it to dessert because I'm stuffed from lunch or dinner. I wound up having an Oreo Heaven I think it was. Picture a warm brownie topped with a scoop of ice cream topped with whipped cream! It was covered in Oreo crumbs with warm chocolate fudge.

Don't know how I ate it but I did. It was delish. I hate Tony for talking me into it but I didn't complain.

Mike and Tony are coming over today. Mike is very worried about me and he's bringing me some chicken and dumplings. He makes a great batch. I asked him to take me to Walgreen's to buy a new cane with the four legs. I'm just so afraid I'm gonna fall with my regular cane. I'll be sturdier with the new cane.

I told Debra about my plight and she told Barbara and now they're concerned about me as well. Of course they say if I need anything to call. I might just take them up on it. I can take the bus to the store and call them to pick me up on the way to work.

I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful and caring people in my life. A long time ago I came up with the term framily, a combination of friends and family. I've since seen the term used by everybody else. I started a trend and didn't know it.

Chiflaco out.

Knee Update

Still having knee problems. I hate it. I should go to the emergency room but I'm just lazy. Mike says I should call a cab, but I'd hate to pay for a short trip. I might be able to hop on the trolley, but I'm afraid I'll fall.

Tony's coming over and taking me on some errands. Got to go to the library, pick up my bus pass, and get some groceries. I'm also going to take him to lunch as a thank you. I know, I'm so nice.

Chiflaco out.

Bathroom Problems

This is week two that I've had bathroom problems. My tummy has been upset and I've been spending a lot of time on my throne.

I should go to the doctor's but I can't right now. At least my body is flushing itself out. I'm not complaining. I just have to be near the bathroom.

Chiflaco out.

Homebound

Something happened to my left knee Monday. I was sitting at the computer and when I got up, it didn't. I'm in a lot of pain and my knee is swollen.

Go to the doctor. I can barely make it out of bed let alone schlep out of the building and take the trolley to the clinic. I am taking the ibuprofen and it's not really working.

I have a lot to do. At least I have some groceries for the next few days or so. And I have to do labs tomorrow but I think I'll cancel. And then I have to go pick up my bus pass tomorrow. Don't know how I will make it. To top it off, I'm almost out of sangria! LOL.

More later...

PS. At least someone has food, water, and litter. Poor baby I can't even pet him. He knows I still love him.

Shoulder Update

I seem to have my shoulder pain under control. I did have an x-ray taken  and it looks like arthritis but I can't pursue this until next year when my insurance kicks in. My doctor is not available in HMO but is on PPO. So I just signed up for it and I should be able to find out more in January.

For now I am taking 800 mg ibuprofen twice a day. I take it at lunch and at bedtime and it is helping. What's helping also is working is the Ben-Gay. I rub some on in the evenings and it seems to be working. Not to mention Jean-Luc loves it. It drives him crazy like catnip.

Speaking of Jean-Luc, I've been thinking of giving him a sibling. I have been checking on Craigslist for another Siamese. But I will wait until I renew my lease to do that.

Chiflaco out.

Cold

For some strange reason I've been cold a lot recently. I blogged  about this before I think. Don't know why I'm cold. Don't know if it's age or AIDS.

I do have my a/c on. Otherwise I'd be sweating up a storm. I guess it's better that I shiver than sweat. I hope it's temporary. I much prefer the cool weather.

Guess I'll just have to fess up to it and deal with the situation. I'll just keep the a/c on and sit around with a jacket or a blankie.

Chiflaco out.

Sleeping Beauty

I've been sleeping a lot lately. I've been sleeping like ten hours a night and have a two hour nap sometimes. I owe it to the booze.

I'm still drinking a lot. No, I'm not an alcoholic, I just love my booze. I do hard liquor around lunchtime and have a great nap. And I drink wine at night to help me go to sleep.

I am concerned about this but what can I do? I'm drinking vodka strait as I write this. Really hits home and I'm almost ready for my daily nap.

Wish I could stop.

Chiflaco out.

Laughing Gas

I went to the dentist yesterday. Dr. Riley is quite the hottie. He's got gorgeous blue eyes and a smile from here to tomorrow.

I got my teeth x-rayed and cleaned. I have some loose teeth that will eventually have to be extracted. That means an upper partial. I'm just falling apart. I should just go to dentures and get it over with.

Everybody at New Heights Dental is great and I highly recommend them. Not only for Dr. Riley but for great teeth. I have to go in three months for another cleaning and see how my teeth are doing. I have to decide to yank them out or not. We shall see.

Chiflaco out.

THE Birthday Boy

Happy 56th Birthday to Chiflaco! Here I is at the Chinese Buffet the family goes to. Damn I look old!

Birthday Boy

Happy 46th Birthday to the hottie from Down Under, Hugh Jackman. Honey, I'd love to go down under with him!

Eating Out

I had lunch with Mike and Tony yesterday. Invitation came out of the blue. Of course I was happy to oblige. We went to Chinese Buffet and pigged out. It was great seeing them. Poor Tony got unceremoniously let go at work a few weeks ago. I hope he finds a job soon.

Tonight I went to the Spaghetti Warehouse with Doug. Centro had a dinner and I signed us up. I had the grilled chicken Caesar salad. I was the only one that had a salad. I've been craving one for some time now.

Nothing much going on. Just another day in paradise.

Chiflaco out.

Digital Photography

Don't think I told you. I'm taking a digital photography class at the Southwest Craft Center. I was in photoshop in high school so I know a lot of the ins and outs. Problem is how to translate that knowledge into digital.

I thought my first photos were good but then I saw what the others turned in and I felt mediocre. Next we're doing things with a tripod and I went in search of one today. I can't believe I didn't find one at Wal-Mart. Guess I'll try another one tomorrow.

Today wore me out. I went to get my x-ray taken and that was a good hour. Then I took the bus downtown to transfer to another one. That was another two hours. I'm exhausted.

I went by Bill Miller's for sustenance and I schlepped on home. I'm just taking it easy for the rest of the night. I'll try again tomorrow.

Chiflaco out.

Winter Coat

I'm in the market for a winter coat. All my coats don't fit anymore. I've lost so much weight they just hang on me.

So I went to Burlington's since they have such a big variety. And I found nothing. I even went to Ross and nothing. Guess I'll have to try Macy's or something at the mall.

I didn't know losing weight would bring so many problems. Maybe I should gain all the weight back! JK

Chiflaco out.

Dr's Visit

Went to get my lab results yesterday. My t-cell count went down again and my viral load went from zero to 376. That's not good people. But then again, I did skip my meds for a few weeks.


Also got my flu shot so I'm protected this season. I also mentioned my right shoulder. He said I was bony! That's a first, me, bony?! I took it as a compliment. He said it might be arthritis or my shoulder could be dislocated. I have to go get it x-rayed.


Got to see my nutritionist. Yeah, I've gained weight, but then I've seen a lot of my co-horts and they've all gained weight. I really should start exercising but I'm just too lazy. I am eating less which she didn't like. I'm just not hungry.


Chiflaco out.

Marano

That's Spanish for pig. And I pigged out this week.

Sunday I went to lunch with Mike. We went to Jim's to check out the after-the-club crowd. We then went to go see This is Where I Leave You. The story of a dysfunctional family who gets together to sit shivah for the father. Funny!

Wednesday I went to Luby's with Doug. My clinic gives information dinners about AIDS topics. They talked about hepatitis C. Doug also brought me some cherry cobbler and apple crisp. They were delicious with coffee for breakfast.

Friday I went to a luncheon with Doug again. This was sponsored by the People's Caucus. They are a group of infected  and affected people with AIDS who set rules for social services for us. It was at a Tex-Mex restaurant I would not recommend but it was free food.

Today I did the family thing. Barbara and Jerry celebrated 21 years of marriage and Debra took us out to lunch. We went to the usual buffet where we pigged out. It's a Chinese buffet but I had American food. Go figure.

I'm exhausted! I normally have quiet weeks but this week was different. It's always great seeing my support system. I am truly blessed with my friends and family. Don't know what I'd do without them.

Chiflaco out.

Cold

Don't know if it's age or AIDS, but I've been cold for the past month or so. I love the cold and have been looking forward to fall and winter. I even learned how to knot my scarf in the fashionable way.

But I'm cold. I've actually been shivering. I wonder how I'm gonna react to the cold weather. Not that it gets cold here like in Michigan.

But for some reason I feel the cold more here then there. I owe it to the fact that it gets cold suddenly here. In Michigan it was cold for months and I didn't feel the cold that much. I was actually in short sleeves in winter. Here I'm in sweaters and long sleeves.

I know AIDS patients are delicate when it comes to temperatures. I hope that's not the case with me. I do so enjoy the cool weather. I'm kinda scared this time.

Chiflaco out.

Ben Gay Catnip!?!?!?

About three years ago, I woke up with a sharp pain in my right shoulder. It's been with me ever since. It actually dissipated for a bit but it just came back with a vengeance.

I got some Ben Gay and massage it into my shoulder as best I can. I really need somebody to work it in, hint, hint, anyone.

So I put it on and sit down. Jean-Luc went crazy with it. He climbed up on my chest and started nuzzling on my shoulder. He started purring and gyrating all over me. He usually does that when I give him catnip.

Guess there's catnip in Ben Gay. Who knew?

Chiflaco out.

Quiet Week

Nothing much going on. I did go to the clinic the other day for labs and to talk to my therapist. I did bring up the drinking problem. That was my main concern and took up the bulk of my visit.

I'm watching Ken Burns' The Roosevelts on PBS. A look into Teddy, Eleanor, and Franklin's lives. Very good. I'm mesmerized by the series. Brought a lot of insight into them. We never really studied Teddy but he was a Renaissance man. He was quite a character.

One thing interesting that came out is that both Teddy and FDR suffered from depression. Also, Eleanor was not that great a mother. I always thought she was because of her altruism. But that was not the case.

I feel old watching this series. Only older people would appreciate this. I don't think I would have watched anything like this thirty years ago. Makes me want to go back to school again.

Chiflaco out.

Matthew's Luncheon

Got together with the family this weekend. It was Matthew's 17th birthday. I still remember when Barbara told us she was pregnant. And I knew all along that it was gonna be a boy.

Tremors-They're B-A-A-A-C-K!!!

Ten years ago I had shingles and this led to my HIV+ status. I had them up and down my right arm. The bad part was that I was unable to eat with my right arm but I liked it because I lost weight.

I had a severe case of tremors. My right arm has just never recovered. My penmanship is horrendous and I can't hold a fork for the life of me.

I've had them for ten years and they have gotten better. But for some reason, they're back. I was at lunch with Doug the other day and he noticed me shaking. Doug is an older man I've talked about before. I call him my Silver Daddy.

So here I am shaking again. It could be the DTs since I've been drinking a lot lately. Don't know why, I just am. Mike asked if I'm depressed but I don't know. I just know that I'm drinking a lot. And not just my usual nightly glass of wine. I've been hitting the hard liquor. We're talking tequila and vodka. I just can't get enough.

I've gotten used to drinking in the late mornings and taking a nap afterwards. It's relaxing but it's still a problem. No I'm not alcoholic, I just love my booze. I'm in a daze most of the time because of it.

I wish I could stop but I can't. I won't. What's the use? Why stop drinking if it doesn't hurt me? It is hurting my pocket book, but I'm still able to function okay.

Fact is the tremors are back. They are annoying. I can't eat or write and keyboarding is a problem. I'm making due.

Chiflaco out.

Addiction

I officially have no life. I found Mark and Ethan in you tube and now I've found three other couples.

It's like watching a train wreck, I just can't get enough. RJ and Will are a couple in CA. Luke and Trent are from the UK and Australia. And Vinny and Luke are also from the UK although Vinny is American. Luke and Trent are married as are Vinny and Luke. RJ and will are engaged.

They're all cute couples. I must say I'm envious of their relationships. They are all in the honeymoon stage and they're all lovey dovey. Of course I think of all my relationships and how they all started off great. I pray these couples stay together.

RJ and Will have the longest relationship at four years. It's so nice to see these couples with the love and support of their families. I remember my parents were supportive of all my exes.

Chiflaco out.

Ladies Who Lunch

Went to lunch with Ernest today. We'd been looking forward to it for a while. We decided on Indian since we haven't had it in a while and I've been craving it like crazy.

We got to the buffet and quickly served ourselves. The food was scrumptious as always. They have something called paneer which is a spinach dish I like to drizzle on basmati rice.

I also got some chicken curry and lamb meatballs, again, delicious. We filled up pretty quick. We chatted a bit before going up for round two. But that was about it. We only ate two plates of food. I thought for sure I'd eat more since I had been looking forward to lunch.

We came home and he showed me how to use my scanner. I can be quite the blonde sometimes. Now I should add more to my blog that nobody reads. That's what Mike says. I don't care, it's for me anyway. And if someone should care about me, good, they know what's going on in my life.

I pulled out my backgammon set and he let me win three times. We hadn't played in years but it came back pretty quick. His main problem is setting up the board and it's pretty easy after that.

He gets along with Jean-Luc, who doesn't? There's still that something between us. We talked about a lot of things including relationships. Don't know if I'm seeing things into it, but there's an unknown that we don't want to talk about.

We get along well. He does look out after me. We have the same sense of humour and he's one of the few intelligent people I know. Yeah, we fit together well. If you got to check out Mark and Ethan, that's how me and Ernest are.

I caught him looking at me several times. And I have to admit I looked at him a lot. I still find him attractive after 27 years. We haven't seen each other in a while and it takes so little to jump in to each other. Guess we'll pussy foot around for another 27 years.

And after catching up with Mark and Ethan, I think I'm ready for a relationship. I miss being with someone. I miss looking out after someone and somebody looking out for me. It's like I tell Mike, I cook, bake, clean, do yard work, I'm a catch.

But where am I gonna meet Mr Right? I can't even meet Mr Right for Tonight! I've never been one to play the field and I'm not about to start now. I just know that if I should get in another relationship, it's for keeps.

Chiflaco out.

Methan

 

When I get bored I go on You Tube. Whoever came up with this is a masochist. Anybody can make videos and upload them for the world to see. You click on one and then there are similar videos to watch.

I came across this cute couple out of Indiana. Mark and Ethan are great together. I've seen how they met, moved in together and go on boyfriend adventures. They are such a positive role model.

Makes me wish I had a boyfriend again. I'm due for one. I look at these guys and remember that my relationships started off like that. But then something happened.

I really wish the best for Mark and Ethan. Go to You Tube and meet them sometime. Here's a link to them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTFVH1LbtoE

Chiflaco out.

Podiatrist

It was painful! I schlepped to the podiatrist today. He pared off about a lb. of callouses. It was painful but it had to be done. Problem was I had to pay extra since I'm not diabetic. If I were then it would be free. I have something worse and they overlook it.

It's so nice to be able to walk again. I still have knee problems and have been wearing my brace again. But it's such a relief. It's unbearable. It's like I'm walking on fire it hurts so much.

But I'm okay for another few months. He previously suggested pedicures but they didn't shave enough off. I'm gonna start seeing him every three months to keep it under control.

Went to the cinema while I was out. Saw Guardians of The Galaxy. Pure fluff but I wanted to see it. Watch for the DVD, nothing spectacular to write about. They did leave it open for a sequel which they've already decided on.

Chiflaco out.

Quiet Week

It's been a quiet week again. Didn't go out because of the heat. Not to mention my left knee is swollen and it's hard to walk with callouses. Of course they're worse on my left foot. I've been trying to make an appointment with the podiatrist but I keep getting his voicemail. He care pare down the callouses and he did recommend pedicures, but they don't shave enough off.

I went to the store yesterday morning and it was already hot. This was at 7,30 and the humidity was high as well. And it hurt so much to walk. But I still have to go if only to get Jean-Luc his food.

I've also been sleeping a lot lately. I blame the heat. I've been taking long naps and going to bed early. I've also been very bored. Nothing seems to catch my attention. I even saw a Kevin Costner film and that let me down. I mean, Kevin Costner! And if you don't know, I love him.

Let's see what today has in store for me. So far I'm ready for bed already.

Chiflaco out.

Dark Shadows

I'm still on a Dark Shadows kick. It started out in black and white and now it's in color. I'm up to 1967 and still have four years worth to watch.

I just found a Dark Shadows Almanac that has episode synopsis that I have on hold at the library. Apparently there are some other people into it also. Maybe if I read what's gonna happen I can stop watching the discs.

I do get fed up periodically but it's like a car accident, I just can't get away from it. The acting is horrendous and the writing predictable. I don't remember much that's going on, but I can still recite lines before they're said. Maybe I'm that intelligent.

Also, in 1991, the Dark Shadows creator rewrote the series with Ben Cross as Barnabas. It ran for only one season but I remember it was great. Well, they have it at the library and I'm watching it now. It's really good and I don't know why it didn't continue.

Okay, I have no life.

Chiflaco out.

Weight Gain

I've gained 14 pounds! Don't know how it happened it just did. I have been eating out a lot lately. It's just too hot to cook let alone bake. I've been in a baking mood but don't have the desire.

I've started eating salads again. I need to lose the weight. I just feel so fat now. I feel like I've gained 50 lbs rather than 14. I also feel bloated. There are times when I eat that I feel like I ate a side of beef. I can feel the food in my throat like I'm ready to throw up. I've started eating very light for dinner, usually toast or a PB&J. Otherwise I'd feel like throwing up.

Nothing much else going on. I've been exhausted a lot lately. It's probably the sun but I'm so worn out. Yesterday I went to breakfast with Andrew. The restaurant is three blocks away but I had trouble with my knee. It swelled up and I had to lie down when I got home.

Andrew is a neighbor. He's cool, he's straight but gay friendly. I can joke about things with him and he won't get paranoid. Bless his heart, he's had knee replacement surgery, a prostate cancer scare, and now he's got a brain tumor that they have to shrink before they treat him.

Eddie was very jealous and he was jealous of Andrew. Like I'm gonna do something with anyone. I haven't been sexually active in so long I probably forgot what to do. People say it's like riding a bike. Thing is, I never learned.

I've also been napping a lot lately. I think it's the heat. I wake up, have coffee and then get sleepy. I'm one of those weird people that don't find caffeine as a stimulant. I remember when I was a young whipper snapper, my Mom would put coffee in my bottle and told me to go to sleep, so I did. Guess it carried over to adulthood.

Chiflaco out.

Eddie

Eddie did get on my nerves, but he was still a friend. I always think of him on the first of the month. I have a Dream Guys calendar and he would always come up to check out the stud du jour.

I'm looking at Mr August and he's a hottie. Surfer type guy with a tan and sandy brown hair with highlights. Of course he's got great pecs and abs.

He was a character. Joseph came by tonight asking for a toothpick to clean out his pipe. Eddie used to do that all the time. He loved his pot. He gave up smoking and drinking but he held on to his pot. He did all that and he still died.

Oh the irony. Maybe I should take up some vices.

Chiflaco out.