HEB

Went grocery shopping yesterday with Eddie and Victoria and Natalie, two neighbors down the hall from me. That's all we need, two faggots and two lesbians.

We had a blast. Me and Victoria finished our shopping and we had to wait for Eddie. That girl can shop, he bought stuff to last the month.

I also bought a Purina product for Jean-Luc to watch his weight. He likes it so I'm gonna keep on buying the stuff.

Afterwards, we went to a Mexican restaurant on Zarzamora St. The food was amazing. I had a lengua taco and a bean and rice taco. I thought about it afterwards and found it funny for me to get the bean and rice taco when I've eaten that for the past month at home. Anyhoooo, it's a restaurant I would go back to.

Chiflaco out.

Baking

Lately I've been baking as therapy. My friends here have been impressed with my baking. My specialty is carrot cake. They oohed and ahed went they tasted it. I just do it for attention. I like the limelight.

Eddie also noticed that my memory has improved since I started baking. I never keep track of things like that. And another neighbour, Victoria, has also seen a change in me.

I just know that I like following the directions and whipping up something spectacular. I rarely eat any of my creations.

Doug is also a good baker and cook. I guess he does it for therapy also. He's always giving food away and I'm on his distribution list. I just know that I'll enjoy his cooking.

He brought over a vegetable soup the other day and it was so tasty. Kinda caldo de res without the res. I can hardly wait for his next creation.

Chiflado out.

Doug

Doug is an older man I have the hots for. We've been very close and it's this side of a relationship. He's tall, handsome, and white.

We met a councilman the other day and I commented that he looked attractive. Doug said he's my type, tall, handsome and white. I said you just described yourself.

He's also a great baker. He recently gave me a bunt pan and a springform pan. I also have a cast iron skillet he gave me a few years ago.

Eddie and I got on the elevator one day and Doug was there looking for me. He was concerned because we had a lunch date and I missed it. He looked at Eddie and said what's this?

Afterwards, Eddie said he's perfect for me. I call Doug my Silver Daddy. And he gives great hugs. Next time I'm gonna try a little harder. Mike also thinks he's great for me. I didn't know people cared about me that much.

We'll see what happens. We've been very close for the past nine years. It's just a matter of time. He also makes the best vodka martinis I've ever had. One day we had a lunch to go to and we each had about three martinis. I can't believe we went out that day.

I'll keep you posted.

Chiflado out.

Ladies Who Lunch

I treat myself periodically. I eat salads at home and eat smaller portions.

Eddie and I went to Bob's Big Burgers the other day. The food was awesome! I had a 50/50 burger which is Angus beef and bacon. OMG! It was fabulous.

The other thing that I liked about it is they have Pepsi!!! I was in heaven. Like I said, it was a treat.We also had onion rings and fried mushrooms. Again OMG!

I was stuffed. That was all the meal I had that day. We sat outside and people watched. There was a cute guy walking his poodle and Eddie struck up a conversation with him. Ya'll know how shy I am. I would never do that.

We had a great time. Wound up spending like two hours talking and laughing. I would definitely go again and I would recommend it. Here's the link http://www.bigbobsburgers.com/

If ya'll go, I hope you like it as well.

Chiflaco Out

The Majestic

Mike, Tony, et Moi went to the theatre the other day. We went to see The Book of Mormon. It was great and funny. There was colourful language that I could have done with, but it fit in with the musical.

Chilflado

Slow Week

Nothing much to write about. I stayed home all week because of the weather. Plus there's no money for anything.

We had rain most of the week. Everything from drizzle to rain. And I didn't have any appointments.

I watched DVDs. I'm almost finished with The Good Wife. It's great and there are two hot men with tasty noses. Chris Noth is the cheating husband. We remember him from Sex and the City. The other one is Josh Charles. I remember him from Hairspray of all things.

Chiflaco

Insomnia

I did not sleep last Tuesday thru Friday nights. I was a mess. I ran out of ambien and I had no idea how much I needed it.

I was a zombie and just walking in a daze thru this time. I wasn't eating properly which just made it worse.

Humana only allows 90 pills per month. I like Humana and had no problems before. I went to get a new script and told them the situation.

Centromed is my clinic and the director said they would pay for the script. I wasn't able to get them until Saturday. How exciting.

I took two to be on the safe side. I was finally able to get some sleep. I've even been able to take naps again. I was a wreck, but I'm slowly catching up on things. Thank goodness for drugs.

Pepsi

Everyone who knows me knows that I LOVE Pepsi. I first had one in Mexico and it was so sweet. The American version is still great but not as much as the Mexican version.

One of my criteria when I go to a restaurant is if they have Pepsi. If they say no, I order water. I haven't had a Pepsi in about two months.

So I was pleasantly surprised that two of my restaurants serve Pepsi, Sam's Burger Joint and Lone Star Cafe on the River Walk. I know I'll be going there more often, when I have moolah.

I'm unwell. :-)

Chiflaco out.

Eating

From one extreme to another.

Last Friday I was feeling unwell, that's what we prefer to call it. I was clammy, headache, dizzy. I couldn't figure what the problem was.

Somehow, I made the realization that I hadn't eaten all day. Lightbulb. Duh. I ate rice and beans and started to feel better. So now I know for next time.

Today I was schlepping around taking care of business. I've been in a chinese mood for a while, so I went to a buffet.

Oink, oink. I ate more than I should have. I started feeling unwell before I paid. So I walked to the bus stop and the bus was right there. That hardly ever happens.

I came home and I had to regurgitate. So guess what? I felt a whole lot better afterward. And then I had a major headache. I lay down to compose myself and it took a while to get back in sync.

I still have the headache and I'm dizzy, although people would say I'm always dizzy. LOL. I feel so bloated though. I feel like I gained 50 lbs.

So I'm gonna take some Tylenol and call it a night. Hope everything goes well for me.

Chiflaco out.

Luther's

It's starting to look like a weekly thing for us. Mike and Tony and Eddie and moi get together on Sunday's after church. Mike and Tony go and they pick us up after church.

We went to Luther's on Main St. Great food and gay friendly. And for some reason, we keep getting the same ditsy queen as Eddie says.

The waitress queen is a little forgetful at times. And we've had him every time we go. We had a great time of course. Good food and great companionship.

We laughed and ate and caught up on each other. Wonder where we'll go next.

http://www.lutherscafe.com/

Chiflado out.

PO'd

Sometimes I just want to give up on everything. What's the point of taking my meds? I feel healthy  most of the time.

Lately I've had a headache that won't go away. Every little thing might be big in the world of AIDS.

I'm pissed off at the world. I'm still depressed, but that's been going on for about 50 years. I don't think I'll ever get rid of that.

And then there's the financial aspect. In May Medicare started taking my premium out of my check. That means I'm short on cash for about $150. That's really hurting.

I get the minimum groceries. I do tend to buy what I want rather than the things I need. Still up the creek.

I have about several hundred dollars I have to pay for physical therapy. I was going to an agency that promised me they would pay my co-pays. Of course they weren't paying afterall.  

I thought nothing of it until I asked the agency if they were gonna be able to pay. I have to talk to my manager about it. Meaning no.

And then my therapist reprimanded me for something I didn't do. Like I said, I got  pissed off and stopped my therapy. I don't want anything to do with them.

I just want to get it over with. I went to see my psychiatrist today and got scripts for my mental situation. Again, why bother? I just go with the motion here.

They always ask if I have a plan. Duh?! Of course I do. I just don't have the courage to follow through. She asked if I have thoughts of killing myself. Again, duh?

I'm just tired of it all. Every little thing might be something big. I just want to give up. I'm tired. There's no point.

Chiflado out.

Lap Cat

Jean-Luc has been very needy lately. He jumps on the recliner and lays in my lap and starts purring. He also jumps in my lap when I'm at the computer. Gotta love the little goober.

He likes to nap on the loveseat, but as soon as I go to nap, he follows my and lays down next to me. He's such a sweet heart.

And I love him very much.

Dr's Visit

Went to get my labs results. My t-cell count's gone down again. I have 117 t-cells. They've been going down for the past year.

While I was in the waiting room, Tyler came by to get a script. Tyler is a hot Black man who I've fantasized about. He's sporting a beard and his hair is bushy compared to the last time I saw him.

He did not recognize me. It took him a while and then his eyes popped out. You're looking good. I said better! LOL.

There was also a muscled hottie waiting to see the doctor. This guy was hot and he wore a tank top that showed his nipples. Yum!

So Tyler leans over and asks who's the eye candy? I said he was my future ex-husband which made us both laugh. Nice to see him as always.

Chiflaco out.

Eddie

For some unknown reason, Eddie is not talking to me. We were so close we could finish each other's sentences.

He is very distant. I went to his apartment the other day to share some food. He held the door open for me to leave.

He was a force that came out of nowhere and swept me off my feet. I know, I have to talk to him, but he always has an excuse.

I miss him. We had a great rapport with each other. I have feelings for him which is scary. I need him in my life.

Chiflaco out

Sam's Burger Joint

Went out Sunday for lunch with Mike and Tony and moi and Eddie. We had a blast of course.

The selling point for me is they serve Pepsi. In case ya'll don't know, I love Pepsi. When I go to restaurants I always order Pepsi, if they don't have it I'll just order water.

Anyhoooo, Sam's has Pepsi so I was satisfied going in. I had the mushroom Swiss burger. This is my signature food. I also have it at Micky D's.

Well, we visited and talked and ate. Mike and Tony and moi devoured our burgers. Eddie took half home.

Let's see where we go next.  I'm thinking EZ's in Alamo Heights or HomoHeights as we lovingly call it.  

Chiflaco

Skinny!?!?!?

Wow! Somebody described me as the tall skinny guy! Talk about a compliment. I still want to lose some more. Wonder how I'll be described when I get to my desired weight.

It's kinda weird when I can feel my ribs. And I can see my clavicle. I just know I feel good, except for my depression.

Chiflaco

Nutritionist

Went to get my lab results. The doctor was on-call and didn't know when he'd be back. So I rescheduled.

While there, I checked in with the nutritionist, Jeanne. I gained 2 pounds since my last visit. She also gave me some Ensure, a therapeutic nutrition. They are quite tasty. She's also able to get me a three-month supply. And I do share them with Mike and Eddie. We look out after each other.

Chiffie out.

Birthday Boy

Happy 38th Birthday to hottie Brazilian Rodrigo Santoro. He's done some movies, but his most memorable role was in 300.

Ladies That Lunch

Went to Luther's the other day. Mike and Tony and Eddie and I went for great food.

We had a blast. Stayed almost two hours yakking away. I had the Angus hamburger that was very tasty.

I hardly see Mike anymore. And now that he has a beau, more so. I like Tony and I understand their situation.

Eddie talked to Tony and Mike and I chatted on our own. Fun was had by everyone. Let's see when we get together again.

Pet Peeve #2

I've been meaning to write about this, but I forget to write this.

Why is it that people getting on the bus do not have their fare ready? It's mostly women that do this and they rifle through their purses after they get on the bus. The bus winds up being minutes late.

If I can have my shit together, why can't they? Nerve racking.

Chiffie out.

I Am Loved

I'm b-a-a-c-k. I have been unable to blog anything for some reason. I'm glad this is working again. 

Doug and I had a lunch date the other day. He never called to confirm, so I went out to lunch by myself.

I went back home and bumped into Eddie. He was headed to Walgreens, so I went also. When we got back home, who is coming out of the elevator? Doug.

He was concerned about me. He even called the answering service. But there we were and I got a great big hug from him. He does care about me.

Chiflado

Cory Monteith

I still find it hard to believe he's dead. Very tragic. He was handsome, a good singer and drummer. He was well liked by his co-stars and fans.

Just weeks ago, their were rumours about him and Lea Michele getting married.

Glee will not be the same without him.

Cosas

Nothing much going on. It's too hot to go out, but I did manage to go to the library for DVDs.

I got a haircut yesterday. I really needed it. Guess I'll have to get one every two months rather than the three like I do right now.

I went to see Joey Wednesday. He was in a meeting so I left. I called Thursday to reschedule and he scolded me for leaving. He was down right rude. Now I'm thinking of not going anymore. Depression is depressing and I've lived with this almost 50 years. We'll see what I do.

I wasn't feeling well yesterday. I had a case of the squirts as Mike likes to say. We were in bed most of the day. Jean-Luc knew there was something going on, so he was in bed with me. He's such a sweetheart.

Nothing else going on. I'm having breakfast with Mike this morning. Going to HEB to get groceries. 

Let's see what happens today.

Chiflaco out.

Sleep

I have been having problems sleeping. I don't sleep. Hello, check out the time on this entry.

I went to bed before 10 and could not sleep. I've also been itching all over the place. That kinda kept me awake. I've also can't take a nap, and I need one.

So I got up and had cawfee. Now I'm slowly getting sleepy. I am gonna crash sometime soon, hopefully. I need sleep.

Chiflaco out.

Saturday

Eddie came over Saturday and was intrigued. We were talking one day and he wanted to make cannabis brownie.

I went on-line and found several recipes. So we gathered ingredients and began to get everything together.

It really is easy. Some recipes called for oil and others for butter. We went with butter.

Long story short, they were a success! We'll see when we make another batch.

Chiflaco out.

Eddie

Eddie is one of my neighbours and he's quite the character. He's from Boston and has the accent. Sometimes when we visit, I pick up the accent.

He also looks after me. He makes food with just a little more so he can bring it up for me. He's a good cook and he didn't know if I cooked or not. I proved him wrong. Duh.

I made sgetti the other day and had him over. He loved my sauce and he said I do know how to cook.

Something he brings up some cannabis and we have a fabulous visit! We laugh and strike up quite  the conversation.

He did do something to me last year. It was one night that he called Debra to look on me. Apparently, the stove was on and there was a business card on the counter. For some reason, he told the manager about it and I got written up. I don't know how to ask why he did it.

Anyhooo, that's Eddie. Oops! I forgot that he has a cat also. Precious is quite the character also. She's a Russian Blue and is a little on the hefty side.

Chiflaco out.

Nutritionist

I went to see my nutritionist yesterday. I did not lose or gained weight. 

She is also the one who sent my name to some agency and I'm getting free Insure. Very tasty. Of course I made a joke saying it tastes better with rum! LOL.

The other reason I went was to sign me, Doug, and Mike for dinner. We have monthly meetings with drug reps at dinner.

Chiffie out.

Steve Grand

It was bound to happen. Steve Grand is a new C/W singer who happens to be gay! Yep, he bats for 
my team! He's 23 and from Chicago.And here's the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjiyjYCwNyY

Chiffie out.

Birthday Boy? Girl?

Happy 65th Birthday to Richard. Now he's sweating to himself.

Mental Healh Day

Part of my therapy is short stories. We did music therapy last month. Anyhoo, Joey told me to write a story from Jean-Luc's perspective. He loved it of course. Writing has always been a forte.

I thought I would share this with ya'll.

A Day with Jean Luc




Bon jour. Je suis Jean-Luc, le petit choux de Jacques.



Yawn, stretch. It’s still dark out and he’s asleep. Wonder if I missed some food in my bowl. Purrfect, there’s still is some food there.



It’s light out and he’s still asleep. I’m hungry. I jump on his chest like I usually do, but he’s still asleep. So I start meowing and licking his chest.



Okay, he’s awake. Now for the food. He always gets coffee going before he feeds me. The things I do for food.

The coffee maker is making his coffee as he feeds me.



I’m lucky, today he’s doing laundry. I love it when he brings in the basket of clothes and empties them on the bed. I love to dig in there and enjoy the warm feeling.



Good. Looks like he’s gonna shave. Don’t know why but I enjoy watching him go through the routine. I’m on the bed looking at him. He’s such a character, but he’s my human.



Now he’s on the computer. What a pain. He’s typing away and surfing the net. He also blogs and he writes about me.



Okay, it’s about 10 a.m. and I’m ready for my nap. Today I decide to lay in my sunbeam. I curl myself and nod off. It’s so nice to sleep there. I miss the futon he had because I liked sleeping there and I had some hiding areas in back.



Must be noon. He’s deciding what to eat and he pours out my food. As soon as I hear him picking up the bag and pours out some fresh food, I wake up, stretch, and run to the kitchen. Yumm.



Time to play. He saves paper bags and he throws one on the carpet. I love getting into the bag and smelling what was in there. Today he’s got two bags and I run from one bag to the other.



Sometimes I get in a playful mood and run around the apartment. I let out a special yell telling everyone that I’m having fun.



Sometimes, he feels bad about declawing me. And he still has the scratching post out. I run around and go to the post and start clawing at it. He lets out a little laugh about it, but he still feels sorry about it.



Time for a nap. This time I will nap in the linen closet. I pound on the door until it opens and I squeeze into it. Sometimes I sleep for hours. I like the cool feeling and the warmth from the linen.



It’s dinner time and I’m ready for my fresh food. I have him trained very well. He feeds me before he starts dinner going.



He’s on the ball when it comes to cleaning my litter box. I go in there and start moving litter around for my business. I always run out to the bedroom or to the living room.



I always know when it’s time for his nightly routine. He gets on the computer again and loses himself in it. He takes his medications while surfing the net.



Sometimes I jump on his lap and he can’t surf, so he plays Solitaire while I purr away.



It’s dark out again. Time for bed. I watch him brush his teeth and puts the partial in it’s container. The fan is always on at night, the whirring soothes him and he falls asleep.



I’m still nibbling at the dish. I play a little with the bags. And then I decide to go to sleep. I jump on the bed and curl up next to him. I’m lucky to have such a wonderful human. It took a while to train him, but we’re good together.



Time for my cat nap. In the middle of the night, I will wake up and patrol the place making sure everything’s fine. And then I jump back in bed. I’m ready for sleep and looking forward to tomorrow.

Too Hot!

I woke up and the temperature was 87! I turned it off and on, but it was still high.

I had to call in the maintenance man to do his magic. I hate seeing him on weekends and I felt bad about me needing him.

It's just too hot. I tried to run around yesterday, but I went to the library and I was drained. No way was I gonna run around. I came home and crashed.

Today was horrible. I had a headache and was dizzy. Okay, one might say I'm always dizzy. I tried to nap, but was too stressed to nap.

The temperature right now is at 74. I will sleep like a baby.

Chiffie out.

Survived

What a difference from one week to another. Last Tuesday I was on an errand when it hit me. I was shaking, had a headache, and was clammy. I literally felt I was gonna die.

I got home and crashed. Jean-Luc could tell there was something amiss. I drank a pitcher of cold water and laid down for about an hour.

Other than that, I am still crying. I got into Boston Legal and I saw the finale. It made me cry even more. Nice ending.

Chiffie out.

Still Crying

Okay, so I'm still crying. So what do I do? I saw a movie where she has colon cancer and she has months to live.

I'm not in a good place right now. I'm still hoping for death, the final frontier. Bring it on, I can handle this.

I don't think of AIDS much. But every now and then I think about it. People do not die from AIDS, they die from other things, like cancer or pneumonia or a variety of other happy ways to go.

Okay, I'm back. I finally stopped crying with this movie, so I'm gonna have to start crying again. For no reason.

I'm lucky to have all these amazing people on my side. I love everybody in my life and want to thank you for allowing me into your lives.

Okay, I started crying again. What else can I do?

Chiffie out.

Crying

For some reason, I have been crying a lot lately. People will ask why I'm crying. I don't know. Maybe I'm fed up with my life right now.

I can't stop it, it just happens. Sometimes I forget that I'm crying and I cry some more.

I am tired of crying, but I have no control over it. It's just there, why, I don't know. I just need some Kleenex.

Chiffie out.

Futon

My futon is too big for this unit, so I went to Craig's List and put this for sale. It's gorgeous looking like something out of Architectural Digest.

This was Jean-Luc's favourite place where he liked to nap. Poor baby keeps sleeping where the futon where it used to be. Sad but funny. He's laying there in his preferred sunshine right now.

Chiflaco out.

Nutritionist

Went to the nutritionist today. She was happy that I gained a pound since last time. Funny that somebody is happy for my weight.

She also contacted someone to deliver Ensure at the house. These are nutritional and very tasty, kinda like a malt. So I came home last week to find 6 boxes of the stuff.

I did share with Mike and Eddie. They loved it also.

Chiffie out.

Drs Visits

I went first to see the podiatrist. He pared down the calluses and did my toe nails. I was happy.

He then suggested I go get a pedicure. I can do that. I'm content. I went from one hotie to another. I was happy.


Then I went to see hunky Dr Riley. They had a partial waiting for me and they adjusted it also.
When Dr Riley came over, I was in cloud 9. He's hot.

He has a firm handshake and I gave one in return. He looked at me with those blue eyes, I was melting. And I returned his gaze. He has this way of making me swoon.


Chiffie out.

Mental Day

I went to see Joey yesterday. It was a good session for me. We talked about getting out of the house to get rid of those feelings. He did say that my weight loss is due to depression. I never thought of that.

Like I said before, Joey is great. I'm getting more from him than I did with my previous therapist.

Chiffie out.

Weekend

This was a ho hum weekend. The best thing about this was I got to  get together with Mike and his beau.

We went to Luby's and pigged out. So there we were talking away and Mike made the comment that I want to be dead. So then we started talking about death.

Tony is Mike's beau and I really like him. He brought me a goody bag with a sampler and candles. Like I said, good guy.

Chiffie out.

Busy Day

Just when I had nothing to write, I actually have something to write about.

Went to the hunky dentist where I was trying my partial. It should be ready next week.

I came home to frijoles and rice. The lunch of champions.

Then I went to see Joey. We talked for an hour. I did tell him that I'm looking forward to death. I'm ready for it.

I do tell Mike these feelings. He says he doesn't know what to do with me. I tell him to pull the trigger. He has a gun. Then I can be happy.

Chiffie out.

Mental Health Day

I was busy today. I went to the library to get some DVDs and went to the pharmacy to pick up a psyche pill.

I also got to see Joey, my therapist. He wants me to step away and see how I am. He also wants me to leave my home and do something. My counter claim is that it's too hot and I have no money to do things.

Chiffie out.

Dr's Visit

Went to the clinic to get my results. My t-cell count dropped again to 129 and I'm still undetectable. I did ask about my blood pressure but he said I was okay and did not prescribe me anything.

Also saw the nutritionist and she was happy that I gained a pound and a half. She's still worried about my weight. I would like to lose ten or more pounds but she says I shouldn't because I'm big boned.

She also gave me a supply of Ensure. She wants me to have one at night.

Chiffie out.

Target

Joey gave me a gift card for Target. He thought I can get some groceries, but Target doesn't have that much of a selection.

So I schlepped to Target to see what I could find. I found 2 shirts that I wanted. I also bought some pillows.

I got on the bus coming home. When I got to my apartment, I found out that that bag stayed on the bus. Of course I called VIA but there was no way to contact the bus. I went by the VIA office and no one had turned it in.

This only happens to me. Just got to grin and bear it.

Chiffie out.

Dentist

I got a call from my dentist that they had a cancellation for cleaning today.

Dr R is one hot hunk. Sandy blond hair, piercing blue eyes. He also has a firm shake when I said hello. He actually remembers me from three years ago or so. He said I looked like I had lost weight. Baby!

So I had my teeth cleaned and we took an impression for a partial. I should have it within two weeks.

Chiffie out.

Sunday

Anybody that knows me knows how important I value the theatre. Mike and I went to the Majestic to see The Addams Family Sunday.

Being Mother's Day, he took me out for lunch at the Chinese Buffet. We stuffed our mouths and had a good visit.

Chiffie out.

Last Weekend

Don't know why I didn't blogged this. Monday I went to the podiatrist and he clipped my toe nails and prescribed something for my toe nails.

Tuesday I met with Joey, he's my new therapist at one of the agencies. He's really good. He allows me to talk but he does most of the talking. Still depressed though.

And Thursday I went with the psychiatrist at the clinic to get scripts for some meds I need. Also got a script for sleeping. I had my Ambien and it worked. I slept like a baby.

Chiflado.

Frustrated

Sometimes I feel like giving up. So many hurdles to cross. Being on disability is a full time job with me at the center.

I need one medication and the clinic I go to left a bad taste in my mouth. I have the empty bottle as proof that I need this. They said I need to talk to my physician about it.

And then there are eyeglasses. I was told that I could go to an eyeglass business and I would have to contact the agency.

So I went to the agency and they said I needed to fill out a form and I did. Now I have to wait.

Back in the day I was in charge of my medical needs. Now it's 'them' I have to deal with. Again, I feel like just giving up on everything. What's the point?

Just something else that makes me depressed.

Chiffie out.

Great Hair Day

I usually have my hair styled like the current gay haircut. Combed to the front with a little tuft up.

I haven't had my hair styled so I've been combing it to the back. My hair still looks good. People actually remarked on how great my hair looks.

I do get paid tomorrow so I'll go have my hair styled to the front again.

Chiffie out.

Therapy

I've been seeing a therapist at one of the agencies. He is great and I'm slowly getting comfortable with myself.

Last week he asked what song to associate my childhood. All I could think about was Strangers in The Night. LOL.

Then I went home and started thinking about it. I realized the music I liked was melancholy. The music soothed me and calmed me.

We still talked about music yesterday. He asked what song would I associate with. And I came up with a CW song, The One that Got Away. It does have an upbeat tempo.

Then I thought about The Man that Got Away by Judy. He found it in You Tube and of course I sang along with Judy.

More later.

Chiffie out.

Ruben

Ruben is a sweet heart. Don't remember when we started talking. He's being evicted, May 7. We feel like family is moving out.

Apparently, he had some fine that managers didn't tell him about.


Plus the fine was around $35 late fee and $10 a day. He talked to the Witch that works here. And she said she'd already filed the eviction at the court house.

His ex pulled up the carpet and left him. He also has a dog that barks all day. He didn't know it until he was using my computer, he had no idea.

Never a dull moment at the Hotel Viceroy for nuts and sluts. Of course I fit in both  characters. I really am gonna miss him. 

Did I mention that he has the most infectious smile. Plus he's got the right amount of junk in his trunk. And he does have a nice bubble butt.

Really hate to see him go. 

Chiffie 

Sleeples in SA

I've been having some trouble sleeping. I was in bed in February and now for some reason I'm having difficulty sleeping.

Last night I could not get to sleep. I was lying in bed in sleep mode. But I couldn't sleep. I got up around 2 a.m. to have some water. I was very thirsty.

Went back to bed. I started talking to myself hoping to have some ZZZZs, but it didn't work out. I then had little episodes about everything. Then I started to talk to them. Okay, I have no life.

Chiffie out.

Podiatrist

One thing I haven't mentioned is my feet. They hurt like hell. I have the numbness in both feet and a pulsating hurt from the soles of my feet. I mean, they're hurting right now and I'm sitting down.

I had an appointment last week but I rescheduled to next week because I did not have the co-pay. So I have to wait, big deal.

I hear horror stories of AIDS back in the day. If it's not one thing it's another. I mean I should have been dead when I got diagnosed. I had only three t-cells. I named them Midler, Garland, and Minelli. LOL.

So I trudge along slowly but surely.

Chiffie out.

Sunday

Mike and I like to get together weekly. Since we are low on funds, we pooled ourselves together and went to Wataburger. The main thing is that we got to see each other.

Then we took a leisurely drive through Breckenridge Park. So many memories came flooding back.

Then we drove around Alamo Heights and Monte Vista. I remember when my Dad used to drive me around and said that I belonged in these houses. He would always apologize to me. Now I know why.

Just got home. Hello!

Chiflado

Birthday Girl

Happy 72nd (!!!) birthday to Ann-Margret. Here she is in Kitten With a Whip.

Craig's List

I have a futon that is sofa size. When I got it I didn't know how big it is. Long story short, I'm selling it on Craig's List.

As luck would have it, I am holding it for someone, so what happened, I got four other callers interested. Shazbot.

Also celling my pub table and chairs, some Sponge Bob tins, and a Princess Diana memorial plate.

Then I'll have to buy a table and love seat. Shopping is fun...when you have money. LOL.

Chiflaco.

Inspection

We're getting ready for supervisors. We've been asked to clean our apartments. I had just done the commode so I didn't have to do that. I swept, mopped, and vacuumed.

We have a new manager and we do not like her. She's very demanding and needs to work on her character. A neighbor refers to her as Omarosa she's that bad.

I know my home is clean to my satisfaction. I do have to organize my paperwork. I have piles of bills and communication on the table and at the computer. I'm not worried.

Chiffie out.

Sunday

Weird weekend. Today I met Mike's beau. He seems nice and we all hit it off. He gets my seal of approval.

Did the library run and have 5 DVDs to watch. Then Mike stopped by to take us to lunch. I really liked the beau and I've forgotten his name. But I'm sure I'll find out soon enough.

Anyhooooooo, I'll get his name soon enough.

Chiflado out.

Saturday

Just another Saturday. Went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Of course there were some missing, so I came home to see what's what. I called them and told them which were missing. So I'll pick them during the week, Wednesday's my usual pharmacy/library run so I'll get them then.

I called in to get a 3-month supply but apparently Humana only does 1-month at a time. I talked to Humana and they said I can mail order my meds. Now I need the 3-month supply from mail order.

And then comes the part I hate, sorting my meds. I really don't like this job but then I don't have any help. Like I said earlier, I can just give up all my meds and wait for the Grim Reaper. What's the point.

Jean Luc has been needy again. Don't know what's wrong with him, but I am concerned that he pulls at his coat. There are clumps of cat hair all over the place.

Last month I had the carpet cleaners and they did a great job. They had a carpet rake to pick up all the fur. Where can I get one?

I stayed home all day after the pharmacy run. And last night they had a fireworks display. Why? I finally decided it's a Fiesta thing. Yep that time of year again. Another reason to say home.

Such is my life.

Chiffie out.

Jean Luc

Jean Luc has apparently gotten the hint from me about eating. Lately he hasn't been eating his food.

Today he was very needy. He fell asleep on my lap and of course I won't disturb him. He's my baby and I love him no matter what.

And he hates it when I get on the computer. All the attention has to be his. He's such a character. He reminds me of exes I've had to deal with.

Right now he's napping on his bed by the computer. Of course I won't disturb him and he has food before I run out of the old bag. He'll always have food ready, even my food can wait. He's my sweetheart and I have to spoil him. He's a chiflado cat. And I love him.

Chiffie out.

Hunger

I've been having eating problems lately. I am not hungry most of the day and eat breakfast and lunch.

I got home and started calling around for help. I also contacted my case manager, Robert, for help. He gave me phone numbers that might help. They didn't.

I had coffee this morning and that kept me until around 4,00 p.m. I wasn't hungry, just wanted to get that out of the way. And then I got hungry tonight so I ate some crackers to get me through the night.

I am looking forward to breakfast already.

Chiff out.

Dr's Visit

Went to my neurologist today. Nothing to report just went in to get a prescription.

It was cold today. I went out in shorts and it was really freezing. I looked forward to get on the bus which had the heater going.

Chiffie out.

Physical Therapy 2

I cancelled pt today. I still have not heard from any of the agencies. I just don't have the money. I'm gonna call around tomorrow and Friday. 

I've lived with this pain for months and I can go another month or two.

I just wish these people would get their act together. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Chiffie out.

Physical Therapy

I start physical therapy on my right shoulder. It just woke up one day and it hurts like hell.

I hopefully have an agency to pay for it. These agencies promise the moon and don't deliver. I have to jump through hoops to get this.

Then they say I have to fill out paperwork to get it going. I wish these people would make up their minds. I need financial help and I hope they deliver.

I found great service with Snowdon Orthopedic and Occupational Rehabilitation. I had knee problems last year and it really helped. I don't walk with a cane anymore. Although I do use it when my knee hurts.

Speaking of which, I also have an appointment with a podiatrist Monday. My feet have been hurting forever. And looks like I have fungus in my toenails. I just want to stop hurting. It really hurts to walk sometimes.

We'll see what happens.

Chiffie out.

Ramblings

What have I been up to lately? Like why haven't updated my blog?

Went to lunch with Doug the other day. He invited Harry along. I've met Harry before and they didn't remember me! I always make an impression but I guess I failed with Harry.

Went to lunch yesterday with Mike. We hadn't seen each other in a week. But we do keep in touch via phone or email. We then went to HEB to get litter and cat food. Like I can carry them on the bus! We came home and he did his taxes while I slept.

Lately I've been waking up shaking and clammy. I've also had night sweats. I was still unwell when he came by to pick me up. Don't know how I showered because I felt like I was gonna fall over any minute.

Today I stayed home and did paperwork and phone calls. Who said being sick meant paperwork? I have to keep on top of things all the time.

My feet have been hurting more than usual. I do have neuropathy in both feet, the numbing not the pain, so I guess I'm lucky? I even hurt when I'm home. I keep myself from tripping on my feet even at home.

My right shoulder woke up in pain these past few months. While I was doing my physical therapy on my left knee, they also checked out my shoulder and they said wow. I know some one's who's gonna have a great vacation. I have a co-pay that I'm hoping somebody helps out.

Last time with my knee pt, one of the agencies I go to promised they'd pay. NOT! Now I'm stuck with the bill, but I've started paying of on it. I've been in touch with another agency who said they'd help me. We'll see. I just want to be normal again.

I'm also getting rid of some stuff on Craigs List. The futon is sofa size and it takes up a lot of room. I didn't know it was that big when I bought it from Sid last year.

Then I have a pub table with two chairs and a wine rack. And then there's my SpongeBob tins. I've been a fan forever. All I can say is keep your fingers crossed.

Other than that, life trudges along a step at a time. There are things on my back burner I must attend to.

That's about it. Although did anybody see the American Country Music Awards last week? Miranda Lambert wore a very revealing dress. I swear I almost saw her nipples. I'm still having nightmares. LOL.

Tomorrow means more phone calls. And I might swing by Wal-Mart for some clothes. I wear nothing but black shorts and t's.

Guess that's about it.

Chiffie out.

Sleepless in SA

I have not sleeping well at all lately. I go to bed and toss and turn for a while. Nothing.

So I get up and watch a movie or two hoping to fall asleep. Nada.

Then I wind up going back to bed around 5 or 6 a.m. or so. That throws me out of whack. Then I spend the day in bed trying to make up for the night before.

I hate this. I feel like I'm drunk for my waking hours. Someday I'll be normal again.

Chiffie out.

Fitted Sheets

Who the hell invented this mess? The fitted sheet is supposed to fit around the mattress. Yeah right.

We get one corner okay. Then we try to get the rest to fit and the thing just collapses all around you. I hate this.

Then I got a brilliant idea. My mattress is queen sized so I got a king set and I'm partially satisfied.

Target has sets made out of flannel. And I just fell for the flannel. Nice and comfy and good year round, not just for winter.

Chiffie out.

Dental

Went to the dentist today. He yanked two teeth today. I really feel no pain hard to believe.

A word about my dentist, HOT! Sandy blond hair, blue eyes, and nice hairy chest. He actually remembered me from two years ago. He said I'm looking better. He remembered me.

I go in for a cleaning and he's gonna give me a partial. Did I say HOT?! He's a major babe. Can hardly wait.

Chiffie out.

HP Update

Hush Puppy is back home. A few months ago they amputated a toe on his left foot. Then he gets an abscess in his right foot. When it rains...

I haven't seen him in two months. Whenever he has something wrong, he recuperates at his parents' home in Kerrville.

And he sounds in good spirits. We're planning a late breakfast early lunch. We haven't decided yet.

Chiflado out.

Frustrated

How often have I felt this. Why bother? I could stop taking my meds and wait for the Sandman.

I was on the phone today talking with everybody and it just frustrated the hell of me. What's the point? I'm nobody in a plethora of AIDS patients.

Plus I felt the depression slowly make a return appearance. Hello? It's here tonight and I don't know how this one will go. I did sleep through February, what's another month?

I spent the rest of the day crying and under the covers. I just want to get in a fetal position and let it do it's magic.

I will survive, but why?

Chiflado

Therapist Pt 2

I went to go see another therapist to see which of the two I would prefer.

I kinda like this therapist I saw today. He seemed more suited for me. And I would be able to see him once a week as opposed to yesterday's therapist and see her once a month.

I'm getting more bang for the buck with him. I'll see how things develop.

Chiflado out

Therapist

I got a new therapist today. I had to break her in. We talked a lot of things. Yes I'm depressed, but at least the meds help.

Don't know what I'd do without them. We talked about some wounds that I carry. I'm still shocked at the picture with Maya.

I just don't know the stranger in the mirror. It's still haunting me. I see the difference in the photos. I just do not look that sick. I guess it's part of AIDS.

The plus part is that my funeral is arranged. I'm just waiting to use this.

I do think about suicide a lot, now more than ever. I will not kill myself because I do not have the courage to follow through. And that depresses me even more.

But I move on.

Chiflado

Hulu

Yesterday I spent all day catching up on Glee. Yeah, I have no life.

Don't know what to do to get outta this mood. Yeah, the meds are the to even out my mind. I did an experiment and stayed away from the blog.

Also got to catch up on SMASH on NBC. This is a fun show the faggots are looking at right now. I'm a fan. Highly recommend this series.

Chiflado

Schlepping Pt 2

More walking. Yesterday I ran around all over the southside. I was the Energy Bunny.

Went to the bank and took care of a couple of things. Followed by the place for my physical therapy.

Had a salad and then on whim, I went to Wal-Mart. Bought a pair of jeans that actually fit. As luck would have it, I found a couple of other things.

This was at 5 p.m. Then went by the deli to get a sandwich I was in no way gonna cook. It was delicious.

Again I say, I am on disability and have problems
getting around. Long story short, I got home at 7 p.m. Then I took a nice long shower. I was ready for bed. Whew. The Energy Bunny was very tired.

Chiflado

Modern Family

I try to avoid stuff on the TV. I just do not want to get involved with any show. Well, I got into this one.

I get each season from the Library and it's also available in Netflix.

This show is hilarious. Don't know why I decided on this. Worth watching.

Chiflado

The Man in the Mirror

Okay, I've lost some weight. I can actually see my ribs. But I do have a spare tire. Is that correct?

So we went to visit Mom at the nursing home. She looks so different, I almost walked by her.

So there I was with her in her wheel chair. I walk with her some times. I asked Debra and Barbara to take a photos of us so that they can put it in Facebook.

When I saw us in the mirror, I could not recognize myself. I look so different. That's the man in the mirror. I just wonder what is next. In the mean time, I won't do anything for a time.

Chiflado

Schlepping

Yesterday was a busy day for me. Talk about the Energizer Bunny.

After breakfast, I went phone shopping. I lost my cell again, that's three this year. So I went to Sprint to check out the phones.

Typical me I went straight to the great phones, but like I'm gonna spend beaucoup d'argent. I got a lot of information.

So I found the one I wanted and of course they were out of stock. So I got on the Looper which goes around the city to South Park.

I finally found something to satisfy me. At least the buses were on schedule.

So now I have another phone to keep in touch with the world. I came home and added the phone numbers for everyone.

And I got to see my next purchase. Ever since this started, I have not been able to tie a shoe lace, it's just impossible so I gave all my fabulous shoes to a guy in group. He was happy.

I have to make due with a cheap pair from Wal-Mart. The shoes I want costs 99.00 which I don't have now but will next month.

I forgot where else I went, but I was fatigued and came home around 3,00 or thereabouts. And now that I'm happy for now, I had to lay down, but I didn't sleep. I was just too exhausted.

I also found the love seat I want. I have the futon but it takes so much space. I'm gonna Craig's List things I have to get rid off. The glass pub table with matching seats. And I'm getting rid of my Sponge Bob collection. Ouch. But I need the moolah.

Layter Gayter. Chiflado

Appetite

Can't explain the loss of appetite for me. I'm just not hungry. I'm down to cawfee for breakfast and
a danish or bagel and a bagel  for dinner. Lunch is usually rabbit food, salad.

I know I should be eating more, but I'm just not hungry. I'm getting to the point that I will eat when I get hungry.

I cheated and had chilaquiles for breakfast and a salad around six or so. I wasn't hungry but knew I had to eat something because of the meds.

Chiflado out.

Joel

Yesterday would have been Joel's 52nd birthday. He was my high school sweetheart. We were friends and then we were lovers. We wound up as great friends.

I remember how we cried when he found out he's HIV positive. All I have are memories of him. We had our differences but we would always come back to us.

Joel died of AIDS back in 2002 or around that time. I kinda wanted to get together and live our lives together. But the Grim Reaper came and took him from me.

I was in Michigan when he passed. His partner wrote me about it and we picked clothes for him to wear. I also gave him a heads up on his favourite music.

I was unable to come to SA to say good-byes because Steve wouldn't let me go. Creep.

I miss him still.

Chiflado

Mad Money

So I'm looking at my acount and I have some money. I wonder where, but then I remembered that I slept most of February. Which meant not as much groceries as usual.

That means I can do something fun for me. Since I have extra moola, I will do something for me. I kinda have an idea what I want, but I'll know for sure shortly.

Chiflaco

PS. Mess gave me that nickname. Chiflado plus weight loss, he combined Chiflad plus flaco for the weight loss equals Chiflaco.

Dr's Visit

That time of the year. All my organs are okay and I lost 10 lbs, fabulous. Got to say hello to Jeannie the nutritionist. She worries for me.

Also got my tetanus shot. Love how they treat me at the clinic. They keep me up to date for everything.

Almost forgot. I got 10 more t-cells up to 114, up from 104. That's a slight hurrah.

Chiflado out.

Over?

I wonder if it's over. Yesterday and so far, today, I have not napped. Today I actually did not nap this morning. I have a doctor's appointment. We'll see what my labs say.

Also, HP is doing great. He sounds a whole lot better. He's in Kerrville at his parent's home. Say a prayer for him.

Chiflaco

Diet

No I'm not on a diet per se. The weight keeps on coming off on it's own.

Right now I'm having cawfee and a danish for breakfast. Lunch is usually a chicken salad and dinner is a bagel or something light.

That's what I eat at home. I do pig out when I'm at a restaurant or buffet.

And the weight comes off. I do think about wasting, but I would think it would come off quicker. I do have an appointment with my nutritionist Wednesday for my official weigh in. She is worried that I'm losing weight fast.

Today I only had breakfast and lunch. I'm not usually hungry at dinner time but I do have a bagel or toast.

I just know that I like the weight disappearing. What I like about it is that it makes me look younger. I was talking to someone the other day and he thought I was in my 30's. He just might get a lucky thank you from me.

Chiffie out.

Again

This is an again for me and Hush Puppy.

Just when things were going great, I fell down again. I was walking across a parking lot when I fell landing on my knees. The left knee is almost the same as when I fell before. I got a scrape on my right knee that really hurts.

HP's again. He's in the hospital again. This time it's an abscess in his right foot. Poor baby, and I haven't been able to go visit because of my sleeping and dizzy spells.

And it's off to La La Land for this sicko.

Chiflado

Sleeping

A few weeks ago, I was getting up from the futon and Jean Luc ran in front of me and I lost my balance and ended up on my stomach.

I felt okay but two days later I felt the pain. And then the sleeping started. I get my 8 hours but I was sleeping 6 or more hours. And that's been my schedule ever since.

I wake up have cawfee and go back to sleep. Then I wake up have something to eat and it's back to sleeping.

I haven't even checked email or updated this blog. I'm still sleeping a lot. Although today I had a little energy, so I'm hoping it's over and done with by now.

Chiffie out.

Fatigued

I had a lot of running around the past three days. It caught up with me yesterday. I lay down for a nap at  2 p.m. and woke up at 6 p.m. I didn't know just how tired I was.

Yesterday's nap was much needed. My body telling me that I need to slow down.

And then today I was full of energy and swept, mopped, vacuumed, and scrubbed the tub. I was a busy bee.

I'm tired again and will take it slower.

Chiffie out.

Jeans

Last Friday I went to Wal-Mart to see if I could find a pair of jeans that fit. As luck would have it, I forgot which pair fit right. So I took a pair home. Of course this did not fit.

I went Saturday to return these and find one that fits. I found three pairs and tried them on. Really I stopped looking as I tried one that fit.

I was happy at long last. I've been wearing sweats for the past two years. Monday Moi and HP got together and he asked about the jeans.

I got let down when they started to fall down. I figured that maybe if I wash them the would shrink some. They did but only a little. I guess I'll wear these until I drop another pant size. 

Chiflado

Co-Pays

Who knew there was so much work for a person with disability? It's a lot of work to keep tabs on things.

Today I went to an agency and updated my file. It looks like they will help out with my co-pays. I made the mistake of following directions. There are co-pays for medicine and another for appointments.

I followed everything only to find out that this particular agency only handles co-pays for meds.
Today they said they can handle co-pays for meds and for appointments. Wish they can make up their minds.

I don't work anymore and I have to keep tabs on what is going on with me. I don't know if I can count on this agency.

Tuesday I went to another agency who will pay for my appointments. Hopefully they will help me after all.

Chiff out.

Again?

Just when it was safe to go in, I fell on my fat ass. It was Friday. I had just taken my trash to the dumpster.

I was wearing my tongs and the left side got stuck in the door. So there I was looking at me fall down from a distance again.

Chiffie out.

Jean-Luc

Jean-Luc is my spoiled feline. The other day when I was helping HP move, I left my baby alone for the night.

When I got home, he was so happy to see me and he did the happy dance for me. Poor baby missed me.

He's very attached to me. He's been near me all this time, more so than usual. When I nap, he does also. 

When I sit on the futon, he jumps up in my lap and starts purring, and then he curls next to me for another nap.

When I sit in the recliner, he jumps up again and then he climbs up and lays on the top of the chair. He sees his world from there.

When I'm at the computer, he jumps in my lap. He hates it when I'm at the computer or when I'm on the phone, that's time for him and nobody else.

We have a great time with each other. He's been a lucky puss. I just know we're happy together.

Happy Holidays.

Chiffie out.

Cane

I've been very adventurous and have walked with out my cane. So far so good.

HP is trying to walk  without any help. The guy is anxious to get on with life. He uses the boot and uses a cane of his own.

The bell is rung sending all students to recess and we can start groups. I have my eye on a topaz ring.

Chiffie out.

Canas

Sorry I don't write everyday. Everything is redundant from one day to another.

Canas is Spanish for white hair. This was the reason I shaved off my beard, which had more white in it. Plus it makes me look younger.

So we all grow grey hair here and there. What threw me for a loop is that I found some canas in my eyebrows.

I do like the salt and pepper look and my barber left some sideburns with some canas. Looks very appealing. I must be Jewish because I have that look in my temples!

Chiflado out

Clinic Rounds

I had a busy day today. I went to the clinic and I went from one person to the other.

First in line, was the nutritionist who is concerned I'm not eating much, hence the weight loss. She also gave me some Glucerna and some vitamins.

Next was with my doctor. My t-cell count went up from 104 to 114. It's a small  step on the Yellow Brick Road.

After lunch I went back for the last visit du jour. I met up with Dr K who was my therapist. Big news is she's leaving the clinic for private practice. She's working until the end of the month. We talked about me and my concerns. It was a bitter sweet moment for us. Now I have to break in a new therapist in January.

Chiffie out.

Down-sizing

Okay, so I'm loosing weight. Nothing new there. Since I've started going to the clinic, I have lost 91 lbs. Jeanne is concerned because I lost 40 since the last time I saw her.

The other thing is I'm not as tall as I used to be. I used to say I'm 6'2. Well, now it seems I'm 6'1 or 6'0. I'm shrinking. Oh well, what's a girl to do? Wonder how much more I'll loose.

Chiffie out.

Paul Rudd

Just a photo of Paul I like. He looks hot in this photo. No reason, guess I wanted to  liven up my blog.

New Med

Today I started my new med. It's four meds in one tablet. I will have less pills to take. Wahoo! I am taking 4 pills away from my usual. Yes I am glad.

I did have to override this pill. I had a bottle before, but Lupe hid it. I just have to move everything to see if it's there.

Chiffie out.

Thursday

So this is another holiday to avoid. I had my morning pot of cawfee. Then I took my fat ass to a movie. Don't even remember the last time I ventured out.

I saw the final installment of the The Twilight saga. Of course I read the books and they were phenomenal. I was not let down but I still felt the books were better.

Then I came home to my holiday meal. I bought a steak that marinated all night long. It was too good and actually ate the whole thing. I had wanted to save some for Friday.

That's it. Come and gone. Just another Thursday. I will repeat the same all over again. This is my usual holiday meal.

Chiffie out.

Wtf?!!

This is very strange. I was gonna write about my weight loss and other stuff. Problem is that this was written earlier. Wonder if Lupe's up to his old tricks.

I just went yesterday to the clinic. Everything in the previous blog and everything was accurate. Jeanne is very concerned about me. I'm just excited. 40 lbs is very true, but I want more...and I'm gonna do it.

Why don't I work out at the Y? Because I fall a lot and I might hurt myself. I'll see about some other places to work out.

I guess I'm done with this blog and try to get hold of Lupe.

Chiffie out

Chiflado Update

So here I am. D&B say I don't need the gastric surgery. I do like what I see in the mirror. So I cancelled the surgery.

So I have lost some weight. Jeanne our nutritionist,is concerned because I lost 40 lbs since our last appointment. I'm okay with it, I want some more weight down the drain.

Chiflado has been in bed not wanting to be seen.
The weight is okay with it. Problem is, my clothes fit real loose. It's embarrassing because my clothes do not fit. There I'll be and when I least expect it, my shorts or jeans creep down, showing a side of Chiflado normaly see by lucky gentlemen callers . That's a treat if ever there was nothing.

I have found some jeans at Wal-Mart of all places that fit me. Same for my tighty whitise current undies do not fit either and tend to roll down. Just now I took some trash out and they rolled down. I looked and no one saw this one.

I finally found some at Wal-Mart that fit but they usually come in different colours. I want all black undies and they're usually in a package, but all I get stuck with are all the multi-coloured chones.

So, I'm okay with the colours, like I have a choice. Also found some at Target, and black, but I have no say in this. So Chiflado is content for the time being.

Chiffie out.

Dr's Visit

Yesterday I went to the doctor's to get my test results. I have 104 t-cell count, but I'm still undetectable, that's the news.

I don't know why my CD-4 keeps slowly disappearing. I'm doing the same things as before, I haven't change anything.

This on top of my depression. What next? I'm sick and tired it just drops away.

I've been battling depression as it is. I felt it coming and here it is. I'm dealing with one bad set of news and here comes another. And you wonder why I am like this. I'm sick and tired of everything, t-cells and all my meds. I just want to take all my meds and call it a night.

But I continue, I'm the cockroach that keeps coming. I just want it to end. I tell my nurse and she asked if I had a plan, so many people do and I'm one of them.

Sometimes I think okay and then I get some news that bring me down and I can swallow all the pills I have and abort me out of my life.

Don't worry.

Chiffie out.